After writing about my mother and me, I received many responses wondering how in the world I was so naive at that late age. People seemed to think I had been missing out on life.
No. Not at all.
No one needs to worry about me. I have become very accomplished at many things because of the way I was brought up. My mother began teaching me to read when I was two. I began cooking at age three. Also at age three I began violin; and now, after more than twenty years, I can make my own music. I have gone to remote places and played for the birds.
There has never been a television in our home. My parents got rid of theirs the year before I was born. Without that influence, without that distraction, I found other avenues of entertainment and education. My entire education has been at home, and through it I have learned not only the standard "classroom" education, but also basket making, cooking, sewing, needle point, automotive repair, wood working, paper making, candle making, photography including darkroom work, and the list goes on and on. I am not afraid to take on any task... sort of. I can explain the "sort of" part at another time.
Outwardly I am shy, reserved, quiet. Inwardly I am at peace and I am content. When new things come my way I can feel comfortable whether or not I know how to handle them. And, of course, the new thing that came my way, as I explained in my previous writing, was sex.
Forever in my memory was that night my mother helped me while I masturbated for the first time. I also remember very well the next morning.
My father had gone to work; he is usually out of the house before six. I heard my mother up as I lay there in bed. Soon she was at my door, knocking quietly: "May I come in?"
"Yes, Mother, come in."
She came in and over to my bed and sat on the edge. She kissed me on the forehead and brushed my cheek with her hand. And she smiled at me like she always does.
Sometimes it makes me sad to know that some people never experience this: To have someone you love be so close to you physically, and touching you, and look at you face to face from just inches away, and smile at you... that is so great. It makes me feel so warm. She asked, "How do you feel?"
"I feel great," I told her. "Last night was wonderful."
"Do you want to talk for awhile?"
"Yes," I said. She got in bed with me and took me in her arms.
Cuddling with my mother always feels nice; she's so soft and always holds me in just the right way; it makes me very serene. But I wanted more right then so I asked her, "Can we take our clothes off so I can feel your skin?"
"I'd love to," she told me. So we took our clothes off and laid back down and then I was back in her arms but I could feel her skin next to mine all up and down our bodies. I remember the tingling sensation and while we talked we gently rubbed each other's back. It started to arouse me sexually right away.
My head was on her shoulder as we talked, and there in front of my eyes was her right breast. She has beautiful breasts; much larger than mine. I stared at it as we talked. If I was only three years old I would have just reached out and touched her breast because it was fascinating and I wanted to, but since I was older there was that difference. I needed to ask, "Mother, do you mind if I touch your breast?"
"Go ahead, Jennifer," she said.
So I did. I was gentle, of course, but I first touched her nipple and then massaged her whole breast, as she had done mine the night before. It felt very good to me to touch her like that. I could tell it aroused her, too.
As I continued to massage her, she stopped talking and put her hand against the side of my face, massaging my head, my ear... I thought for a moment that she was going to pull my head down so I could suck on her nipple but she didn't. I was wishing she would. She moaned and I knew she was feeling like I was last night. "Do you want me to do anything for you, Mother?" I asked.
"Sit up here on top of me, Sweetie," she said, and she pulled me up and had me sit straddling her with my knees alongside her ribs. Then she put my hands on her breasts and had me continue massaging her there and playing with her nipples. She also massaged me that way and it was so cool to be massaging each other's nipples at the same time. I asked, "Do your nipples feel as good as mine, Mother?"
"Oh, yes, I'm sure they do," she said.
There was always something nice about calling her Mother instead of Mom. Before that time I called her both but mostly Mom; now I call her both but mostly Mother.