I remember how bright the room was when I was trying on my wedding dress. It was the day before 'The Day' and I asked Daniel to help me with the all the zippers, clasps and veils. I was thinking how surreal it all felt. Even though I was twenty seven, I still couldn't believe it. I'd turned down a few guys and I'd even said no to Jeff once before; but he hung in there.
It was that day that I first realized what my brother Danny's feelings were for me. It happened in an insignificant instant. He was zipping up my dress and I felt his gentle hand on my back across my bra strap. He said, "You're lovely Anna." He's touched me before and he often tells me I look pretty but this was different. Maybe it was the tone; maybe it was because he didn't say I 'looked' lovely but that I 'was' lovely. I don't know; but I knew then without a doubt that he loved me more than just as a sister.
I guess it shouldn't have been that much of a surprise because I was more. He's lived with me in San Francisco for six years even though our parents are alive and well in New Hampshire. The short version is that they're both basically workaholics and it was left to me to bring up Daniel. I guess he was sort of an 'accident' because he's eight years younger than I am. When I was twenty one I got a once in a lifetime job offer out here and Danny insisted on coming with me. My parents and I gave him a hundred reasons why it wasn't a good idea but he was adamant. We finally relented and agreed to a six month trial. Six years later there we were.
I probably didn't get married sooner because I didn't want him to have to go back East. We enjoyed our life together. I took him to libraries museums and concerts. We traveled to 'educate' him. Meanwhile I had a great time and loved his company.
He sat down after helping me get dressed and I walked over and put my arms around him. He laid his face on my thigh and I could see his eyes fill. "Do you love him Anna?"
I started to tell him what a nice guy Jeff was but I realized that he wasn't asking about Jeff. I said "Honey I'm always going to love you and I'm going to miss you too but I'll just be a few miles away and we'll see each other all the time – I promise."
He was unconvinced but he smiled and said "sure." He kissed me softly on the lips and said "I'm here when you need me."
That was ten months ago; ten months before life got soap opera complicated. I was now spending a lot of time with Danny again. After six months of marriage Jeff was working more late hours, the fire was dying and smoke was getting in my eyes. I kept trying to talk to him about it but all he would say was, "We're fine" or "It's a phase."
I came to the old apartment one night without calling. Danny answered the door and I said, "Hi handsome" and then I lost it. Through tears that felt like marbles I blubbered my tale of woe. My brother held me as it poured out. "Danny I may have made a mistake. I don't know if I love him or if I ever loved him…but he's been good to us and…" I didn't say that one of the reasons I probably married him was that he had enough money to put Danny through College. "I can't just walk out on him…but it's not working and he doesn't talk and…the only good part of my day is you."
I won't kid myself; it was an invitation and Danny accepted it. His mouth was on my mouth, on my eyes, and on my tearstained face. "My sweet salty Anna" he said. He kissed me with kisses I knew he had locked in his heart for this moment, for me. I gave him back the ones I realized were only for him.
His hands were on me and I let him; I wanted him to touch me. He fumbled with my buttons and I just pulled my top over my head. I unhooked my bra for him and he fondled my breasts as we kissed. His face was in my neck as he called me, "Anna, Anna, Anna."
"I'm here baby; I'm here…Anna's here."
He reached under my skirt and when I stopped him he took my breast in his hand and began sucking the erect nipple as if I was his mother. I stroked his hair and I felt a fluid line inside my belly that ran from his sucking lips to the wetness between my legs. I reached for him and could feel the outline of his swollen shaft running down his leg. I massaged him as he suckled and I made him come. He probably didn't realize how tightly he squeezed my breast as he closed his eyes and repeated "OH…OH…"in loud bursts of breath.
I held him after he quieted and again he tried to put his hand into my panties. I took it out and placed it over the filmy nylon. I put my hand over his and directed the movement over my mound. My fingers helped his fingers find my clitoris. We circled and rubbed it until I stiffened and came.
