I was stunned, plain and simple. Of all the possible scenarios that had flitted through my mind over the past couple of months, this was never even a thought.
"I realize this must come as a terrible shock, Jen, and nothing I can say is going to get you to ever forgive me, but I just couldn't keep lying to you."
Victor's words echoed in my mind. He had confessed to being in love with someone else, and he was... LEAVING me! Ironic? And THEN some! Even more ironic? I felt HURT! As if I had a right, given my own infidelity and switched allegiance; it didn't change the fact that I DID feel betrayed. Served me right, I suppose.
Oddly, it had never occurred to me to doubt him when his return trip kept getting delayed. It wasn't the only time such a thing had happened, after all. But the fact that he had not been home in almost a year – he had left for South Africa when I was three months pregnant, came back three days before Victor, Jr. was born, and went back to Cape Town two weeks after that. I remember being somewhat surprised that he hadn't stayed longer, and I had been vaguely worried when he kept postponing his return home, but I knew how much work went into setting up a new site, and Victor had told me stories of some of the more complicated ventures his family had had, so I had let it go.
As it turned out, Victor had met Meredith, the "other woman," on the second day he arrived. She was a local woman and was the consultant who was helping him scout out possible locations for the hotel – consequently, they spent tons of time together from the beginning. Victor said the spark they felt when they first met was apparently impossible to resist – and it had raged out of control by the end of the second week. They were "in love."
Victor said he was honest with Meredith from the start, that he held off from crossing the line for almost a week because he was a married man and a father-to-be. But the truth is that our pregnancy was unplanned, and while we had never considered terminating the pregnancy, it would be more accurate to say that we resigned ourselves to our fate when we found out I was pregnant. Our overall feeling was of stress and frustration. Add to that the fact that Victor had been away for most of the pregnancy and had not really had enough time to bond with Junior before rushing back to South Africa (back into the arms of his love, as I knew now). Somehow it didn't really seem that surprising that he was choosing his Cape Town family over us.
Yes, family. He and Meredith had a bouncing baby girl, four months old now, and obviously the apple of her daddy's eye. Now that I thought about it, it was probably why I was feeling so betrayed – because Meredith had already given Victor something I desperately wanted to give Daddy – a child! The thought had been growing in my mind at an alarming rate, but since I didn't even know how Daddy and I were going to be able to live as husband and wife, I didn't want to bring in additional stress and I hadn't broached the subject. Now however, the desire was raging in me again.
Why was Victor choosing to tell me now, one might wonder? Well that was simple – because I had told him last week that Daddy had decided we would NOT be opening our B&B in Cape Town, after all. I explained all the reasons Daddy had laid out as his plan for how I was going to justify not moving down there. Victor had expressed surprise, but in retrospect, I HAD sensed there had been a bit of relief in his face when we talked on Skype, which I had dismissed at the time. The expectation was that he would then tell me to come down anyway and work with him on his hotel, for which I had another speech/explanation prepared... but it didn't even come into play, as he was now circumspectly explaining he would be divorcing me, marrying Meredith, and staying in Cape Town with his new family.
As for Junior? Victor said I could on him to financially support us (knowing full well that was the least of our problems given my own job). He said that, given the geographical situation we were in, he didn't really see himself being much of a physical presence in Junior's life until he was older and could go visit in South Africa, but by then Victor would already be quite the stranger to his son. I definitely would not be traveling down there just so his father could spend time with him. Basically, the groundwork had been laid – Victor was not going to be an issue or impediment to my new relationship and life – not necessarily as Daddy and I had planned it, but as long as it worked!
"I realize I'm an asshole," Victor had said. "I can't even imagine what you must be thinking, especially my willingness to essentially abandon Junior without reserve. I know we were both less-than-ecstatic when we found out you were pregnant, and even though I had later gotten used to the idea and even got somewhat excited about being a dad, the truth is that I have really not had much occasion to bond with him (all my fault!). It's been really easy to avoid thinking about him because I knew you were taking great care of him and he doesn't really need me. Your dad will always be there to support you, and while it's not his job to have to be Junior's dad, I know he will be there. My connection with Meredith took me completely by surprise, and when she told me she was pregnant, it was totally different – I cried with happiness and knew I wanted nothing more than to make MANY babies with her! I hate to hurt you like this, Jen – I swear I get ZERO joy out of this, but I just can't lie any more!"
I was understandably thunderstruck for most of the exchange. It was so bizarre that the shoe had been so unceremoniously been put on the other foot! I remember asking him how we would handle the divorce, telling him his financial responsibility could be limited to Junior, that I didn't need his money. I had even said that while I was definitely angry and hurt, I also loved him enough to wish him happiness (which was true!), and I even congratulated him on his new baby! I think I said something inane about staying in touch, and then disconnected.
And here I sat, feeling completely shocked, completely confused, and... very relieved and even somewhat guilty about having gotten off so easily. I hadn't confessed MY truth, MY transgression, MY betrayal. But the truth is that I would never really have been able to come clean, that's why Daddy had come up with the script of what I would say, why I had agreed. Not having to defend myself was huge!
I shook my head, returning to my living room, and sent Daddy a text message, letting him know I was done, asking him to come home. Daddy had taken Junior out to the park while I Skyped with Victor. I followed that up with a message assuring him I was OK, but needed him back here with me. I got a quick "I'll be there in 10," and I sat back and relaxed while I waited.
"Honey, we're hoooome!" Daddy called as they came inside. He looked at me searchingly, worried and cautious, but I must have looked more serene than he expected, because his face cleared and he smiled at me gently. I walked up to him, smilingly tilting my face up to him, and happily returned the delicious kiss he gave me.
