I stayed in my room for more than an hour before I left to take a shower. To be honest I was self-conscious that I had masturbated while mom watched. It wasn't the act of masturbation itself that troubled me but the fact that I knew my mother obviously didn't feel the same way I did. Now, after what had happened with her on the sofa and the way I had sucked her tits so furiously and kissed her mouth so deeply as a lover would do, the way I had lay on the sofa and shamelessly rubbed my clit until I came, I couldn't begin to know what she must think of me. And, I was a little uneasy.
I finished with my shower and blow-drying my hair at a quarter of one and decided that I was being a little silly. She's my mother, after all, and we love each other. There wasn't anything that we couldn't get passed. Besides, I had to face her eventually anyway and I couldn't stay locked up in my room afraid that she thought less of me now. So, I dressed quickly and headed toward the den and the kitchen. Mom was sitting on the sofa nursing my sister when I walked into the room. When she saw me, she smiled a little apprehensively and looked back down at Andrea.
"Hi, mom," I said brightly, maybe a little too brightly.
"Hi, Amy," she smiled at me again.
"Have you eaten?"
She shook her head. "I was about to fix something after I feed your sister."
"Don't worry, mom," I said. "I'll put something together."
I made some sandwiches and opened a bag of potato chips, which is what we normally eat for lunch. Mom and I sat at the kitchen table, neither of us speaking for several minutes. I will admit that there was a little tension in the air and that was understandable. I wanted to say something, anything that would make things right between us but I was simply too embarrassed to bring up what had happened. Then, mom broke the silence.
"I was thinking about frying some chicken for supper," she said. "I've been wanting fried chicken for so long."
"And mashed potatoes," I said, licking my lips.
"With cream gravy."
"Yum!"
We both started laughing. It's funny what will break the ice and set things right when they go wrong. All of a sudden, mom and I were talking and laughing, planning all sorts of exotic meals we would probably not make but it didn't matter because we were friends again. The tension was gone and we stayed at the table much longer than we usually did. I vowed at that moment that I would never again attempt to make love to my mother, even though I had wanted her more than I would have thought possible.
Mom left the kitchen to check on Andrea, then came back to help me clean up. We spent the rest of the afternoon making fried chicken, mashed potatoes with cream gravy, green peas and corn on the cob. I even baked a chocolate cake. Once, mom left to feed my sister and, even though the urge to watch was stronger than I had expected, I stayed in the kitchen.
"You realize that we're going to get fat if we keep eating like this?" she laughed when she came back to the kitchen.
"Yeah, but it will be fun."
"You won't think so when your little butt gets broader than the front door!"
We finished supper around five and ate while it was still hot. It was great sitting around the table with mom, as we had for years, talking about anything and everything. That morning and all that happened was just a vague memory. Well, maybe not vague, but we weren't letting it get in the way of our relationship. Neither of us mentioned any of it and maybe that was for the best.
After supper, mom and I watched television until ten o'clock. I sat in dad's recliner while she lay curled up on the sofa. Once, around seven, she brought Andrea into the den and nursed her. I will admit that it was difficult, but I managed to keep my focus on the television and not look at mom's breasts.
"I guess I'll go take a shower," I said, stretching my legs.
"That's a wonderful idea," mom said. "Though I think I'll settle for along, hot bath."
I had already taken a shower around noon but I needed to stand under a hot spray of water and think. I was confused by the feelings that I had for mom and I wanted to try and sort them out. Although all was well between us I still couldn't get her out of my mind. Why did I want my mother sexually when I had never wanted a woman that way before? I told myself, as I stood in the shower, that it was just a silly infatuation, and that in no time I would forget about it and everything would return to normal.
Still, I couldn't get it out of my mind. I could still taste her milk and feel her nipples in my mouth. Mom's nipples in my mouth were like no other feeling in the world and I had enjoyed it. I had loved the feel of her soft lips on mine and the taste of her mouth as I kissed her deeply. She was so feminine and soft and being with her that way had been the most erotic event of my eighteen years. The truth is I had no desire to be with a woman except mom, so why was I so enamored with her?
I turned off the water after twenty minutes of long, hard thinking and stepped out of the tub. It took another ten minutes to dry my hair and I wrapped a dry towel around my body. When I stepped into the hall I heard mom calling me from her room. When I stepped through the door, mom was sitting on the edge of her bed, a hesitant, apprehensive expression on her face. What surprised me most, though, was that she had a bath towel wrapped around her like I did. Mom had always gotten dressed after a bath, either in street clothes or a nightgown.
"We need to talk, Amy." She stood up and looked around the room as though she wasn't sure what to do.
I nodded. There was nothing to say because I was certain I knew what she wanted to discuss. She obviously wanted to tell me that what we had done earlier was something she was uncomfortable with, that grown women don't behave that way. I had thought that everything was fine. All afternoon we had laughed and talked like the best of friends we've always been.
"I don't know how to begin," she said softly. "What we did this morning, what I did-"
"Mom, it's ok," I interrupted gently.
"No. Please, Amy, let me finish."
There was probably no more than three feet separating us and I wanted to close that distance and hug her tightly, tell her that everything was ok. It was obvious that mom was miserable and I hated to see that. But, I kept my silence.
"I knew that you were curious about breastfeeding and wondered what breast milk tasted like. I nursed you when you were a baby but that was so long ago that you couldn't possibly remember anything about it. I honestly started with the best of intentions but the feel of your lips on my nipple, the light grazing of your teeth...well, I couldn't help it. I became aroused.
