I touched my phone and the dim light made me squint. 3:24am. I had been awake for every minute of the night so far. Too much on my mind to sleep. Fuck this.
I rolled out of my bed as quiet as I could, careful not to wake Samantha and went to the closet. I stood tall, reaching up, feeling around the top shelf for a moment until I heard a hollow tap. I pulled down the small wooden box and made my way out of the room and down the stairs.
I sat at the kitchen table lit only by the light of the Moon and opened the small teak cigar box my father passed down to me. A deep breath in through my nose. I smoked a lot of pot in my younger days. Not so much anymore. But marijuana was part of my ritual on restless nights where sleep was hard to find and harder to keep. It smelled good.
I broke down the flower, putting the buds in a small red grinder and setting the stems off to the side. With a couple twists of my wrists, the flower was broken down into something I could roll. Before long I had neatly rolled joint. I grabbed the lighter, pushed myself back from the table and unlocked the sliding door that connected the kitchen to the deck in the backyard.
The night air was cool on my bare skin. I took a seat and lit the joint. A big breath in to pull to fill my lungs with smoke. I looked up and before I could breathe out, there she was. I exhaled long and slow, smoke billowing out into the night sky.
Andy was standing at the open sliding glass door in only a dark blue t-shirt, a white cotton thong and ankle socks. I let my head hang for a moment. Fuck. I looked back up, offered a tired smile and nodded for her to come join me out on the deck. She stepped outside and turned to slide the door closed behind her. Her ass was supple, yet toned. It looked incredible in the pale moonlight. She turned back and bounded quietly over to me. When the security lights came on, she froze.
I couldn't help but chuckle to myself. The lights weren't bright enough to wake anyone sleeping in the house. As long as no one else was up, we were fine. "Come here," I waved her over and she closed the distance until she was standing right in front of me. I took another long drag and held it in, admiring her perfect body. "You're up late," I spoke softly as I blew the smoke off to my right.
Andy beamed down at me, enjoying the way I was admiring her body. "I'm sorry I've been so quiet since... what happened last week," she started. "I thought you might need some space."
"Well, you're dating my daughter," I said, mildly annoyed. "I don't know if that counts as space." I put the joint back to my lips and took another long pull.
Andy took the joint from my fingers and pushed me against the back of the wide, padded chair. She took a long hit and then climbed up on my lap, straddling me as the security lights clicked off. She could feel how hard I was for her, her pussy radiating heat against the bulge in my pajama bottoms. I rested my hands on her hips, looking up at her patiently.
"Yeah. So, I'm really sorry about that," she started, putting the joint back to my lips. "I wanted to talk to you about that, actually. About everything that's happened between us."
"Honestly, I've just resigned myself that you're going to be the end of me," I said only half joking.
Andy smirked and wriggled on my lap. "Well, I have a confession to make." She blew out the smoke and looked back down into my eyes. "You promise you won't get upset."
I laughed quietly and looked off into the distance, and then back to her. "I'm not promising you shit, Andy. But you can tell me. I'm listening."
Andy didn't know how to begin. "Well... I was mad when I found out about you, about what happened between you and my mom. I mean, really mad." Even though her words were heavy, her tone was still sweet, sincere. "I thought about it for weeks. I wanted to make you feel the way I felt. I wanted to hurt you and I fantasized about how I could do that."
I stared up at those God damn eyes. Part of me wanted to push her off of me and tell her to get the fuck out of my house. But part of me was curious. "Go on."
"When I met you that first time, I fell hard for you. Sure, you're a hot older man and your body is incredible. But sitting there and getting to know you, you had so much compassion and love inside of you. For your wife. For your daughters." She looked away for a moment, ashamed. "It made me jealous. I wanted you to feel those things for me."
Things were coming into focus. Starting to make sense.
"Andy... I'm so sorry about what happened between me and your mom. You did not deserve to grow up without knowing who I was. I wish with all my heart that I could take that back."
"I know you do, Dad," She giggled. "You might be the sweetest man I've ever met. It makes sense that you wish you could take responsibility and protect me from growing up without you." She was still smiling, but a single tear rolled down her cheek that she wiped away as quickly as it appeared. "But when you told me about the girls I just got so jealous. I wanted to be your daughter." Her hands were on my forearms now, holding onto me like this might be her last chance to tell me what was in her heart.
"But meeting Mia... Meeting Samantha and Liz... You have such a beautiful family. You really do."
"Andy..." I wanted to comfort her, to pull her close and hold her against my chest while she let out everything that she'd been holding onto for so long. But it wasn't my place. Andy was seeking forgiveness. To confess to her father the things she was ashamed of and let them blow away like smoke in the cool night air. And so I held my tongue.
Andy continued, "I've always been sexual. I probably got it from you. So when I tried to hurt you, to hurt your family, I used my sexuality to do it." She looked down to find the courage to continue.
"But somewhere along the way, I realized that... I love you, Dad. And I love the family you've created. I didn't want to destroy it anymore. I wanted to be a part of it."
Another tear rolled down her cheek. This time I reached up and wiped it away with my thumb. "I love you too, babygirl." My face tensed as I fought back the thousand tears I didn't realize I had for my daughter. Andy saw my face contort and leaned forward pressing her lips to mine. We kissed for a long while. It felt like the last kiss we were ever going to share and once it began, neither of us wanted it to stop.
Finally she put her forehead against mine and took a breath. "I just want to say that I'm sorry, Dad. About all of this. You didn't deserve to have your life turned upside down."
I paused for a beat, savoring the taste of her mouth on my lips. "If you would have told me a month ago all of this would happen, I would have fought with everything I have to protect what I had," I spoke softly and deliberately, making sure the words were right.
"I was asleep. I locked a part of me away because I was afraid. I lost my edge. But I didn't realize how important that side of myself was. You woke me up, Andy," I smiled at her through my own tears now.
