Hamilton Sheriff Department: Police Blotter (September 2 - September 8, 1973)
Monday, September 3, 2:12 p.m., Hadleyburg
Two adults apprehended for public lewdness. Reginald Carlson, age 77, and his wife, Pearl Carlson, age 73, were arrested by Hamilton Sheriff Department for public lewdness in Hadleyburg on Monday afternoon. The couple, married for 47 years, disrobed in front of Perkins Hardware on Main Street after "kissing and rubbing," as one witness reported. When HSD arrived on the scene, the couple were engaged in coitus on the sidewalk in front of the establishment. Neither suspect had been previously diagnosed with dementia or other impairments.
Wednesday, September 5, 7:15 p.m., Hadleyburg.
Hamilton Sheriff Department officers were called to City Park by concerned residents shortly after 7 p.m. Officer Bud Gelhorn encountered two men engaged in indecent acts on the grass beneath the statue honoring General W. T. Sherman. Arrested for sodomy and public lewdness were: Herman Biddlemeier, age 57, and John Furman, age 49. Biddlemeier is a former mayor of Hadleyburg. Furman was his opponent in the June primary election. Biddlemeier faces additional charges of bribery and solicitation after offering to "make sweet whoopee" with Officer Gelhorn as he was escorted to Hamilton County Jail.
Thursday, September 6, 6:47 a.m., Potter Springs
Hamilton Sheriff Department arrived at the "Chomp and Chew Drive-In" in response to a public nuisance call. Vandals had defaced the front of the restaurant with obscene images. Officer Bud Gelhorn issued a BOLO for three adult males armed with spray paint and issued a coincident BOLO for any graffiti signed by "Euphorax4Eva."
Saturday, September 8, 9:34 a.m., Hadleyburg
Hamilton Sheriff Department officers were called to the home of Susan Funkhoffer, age 32, at 18 Grafton Street after receiving a 911 call. Paramedics were dispatched at the same time. Officers were met by Mrs. Janice Abbot, Susan Funkhoffer's sister and resident of 25 Grafton Street, outside the home. Mrs. Abbot reported that Funkhoffer and her estranged husband may have been engaged in coitus since her previous visit to the home the evening before. Inside, HSD Officer Bud Gelhorn discovered the body of William Funkhoffer, age 37, naked and unresponsive on the living room floor of the home. Officers forcibly removed Mrs. Funkhoffer, also nude, after she refused to dismount her husband. Paramedics determined that the husband was in cardiac arrest. He was transported to the Hamilton County Hospital by ambulance. Mrs. Funkhoffer was placed on a 48 hour psychiatric hold in the same facility.
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As dusk settled onto the farm, they ate dinner together - - Lucinda, Sammy, and Jenny. Jenny complained that she felt peaked and barely touched her food.
"Oh my," Lucinda said with concern, patting her daughter-in-law's hand. "I was feeling the same way a couple of weeks ago." She rested her hand atop Jenny's. "I visited Doc Halloran and he said I just need to drink more water. Something about older folks and dehydration."
Jenny responded with a timid smile.
Lucinda stood and poured a tall glass of water from the kitchen tap.
"Here you go, honey," she said, placing the glass next to Jenny's plate. "You drink up."
As she emptied the glass, Jenny shifted her eyes to Sammy. He smiled at her and nodded.
"This water tastes so much better than the water in Indianapolis," his mother said as she returned the empty glass to the table. "It's sweeter. I think."
Sammy nodded.
"We had the water district out to test it," he said. "Passed with flying colors. It's a good well."
His mother's lips smiled in agreement.
"I wonder," she continued. "What you two were up to today."
Sammy shot a quick glance at Lucinda, who reacted with an arched eyebrow.
"I looked all over for you," Jenny went on. "In the barn. Out near the animals. I thought I'd have to walk through all the fields."
Lucinda rested her hands on the table top.
"It's a farm, Jenny," she said slowly. "All manner of chores to be done." She looked up at Sammy. "I believe Sammy was out in the corn somewhere. Myself... I was over at the Thompsons, checking in on Arlene. She's in a bad way."
Jenny nodded.
"I'm sorry," she said. "I wasn't worried. I just couldn't find anybody. And...."
Lucinda tilted her head.
"And," Jenny went on. "I thought I heard some animals or something... out there beyond the corn."
Sammy glanced at his grandmother but her gaze was still fixed on his mother. She chuckled suddenly.
"Yes, Jenny, dear. You probably heard some animals. We do have quite a few of them around here."
Admonished, Jenny bowed her head.
"Now, now," Lucinda reassured her daughter. "It's fine. You're not used to life out here in the country. All kinds of new and unfamiliar things are bound to pop up."
She stood and gestured toward her daughter-in-law.
"Come on honey, let me help you to bed. You just need a good rest up."
Jenny rose, smiled at Sammy, and allowed her mother-in-law to lead her out of the kitchen. With the ladies gone, Sammy breathed a sigh of relief and got to work on the dinner dishes. A few minutes later, his grandmother joined him at the sink to help dry the plates and glasses.
"Poor thing," Lucinda said. "She's just a little nervous...being in a new place, apart from Rutherford.... She's not one for changes, your mother."
Sammy nodded.
"You don't think...," he started.
Lucinda waved her hand.
"Pshaw," she said, carefully placing a glass on the drying rack. "That girl wouldn't take a step into those fields if the Lord himself called her." She paused and tipped an ear to the ceiling. "I think she's already sleeping."
She bumped a hip against Sammy and smiled at him mischievously.
"I don't know," he answered. "She might still be awake."
Lucinda's smile broke into a broad grin. Her hand snaked down between Sammy's crotch and the kitchen counter. His eyebrows shot up.
"Oh come on, now," Lucinda whispered. "A healthy young man like you always needs a little bit of relief."
Her small hand pressed against the front of his jeans.
"I don't know, gran," he said, his hands still dipped into the soapy water. "Remember, we have to be careful."
Lucinda kissed him.