A story by R.C.PeterGabriel, all rights reserved.
I kept my eyes closed, and focused on trying to rid my mind of the sight, smell, and feel of my aroused pack members. Especially thoughts of the mouth belonging to whoever's hair my desperate grip was forcing to remain between my quivering thighs.
Physically, I was floating down from my blissfully orgasmic high. The wolf part of my brain was afraid of the catastrophic damage that had just been done to the nature of our pack. Afraid of how the natural order had been altered. The 'me' part of my brain, was completely confused.
This had to be some kind of weird elaborate dream, right? I mean a whole new chapter in my life had just begun and I was somehow responsible for leading, protecting, and nurturing my pack. Not to mention bringing the next generation into the world. A few hours ago, I didn't even know I was a werewolf. How could I lead my pack when I'd already screwed our future so completely? How could I lead if I didn't understand the culture I'd been thrust into?
For better or worse, I had no real choice. I couldn't possibly return to my old life. That existence was gone. Literally broken and torn from me as a result of my body's metamorphosis. Yes, I would mimic it. I would walk in the shadows of my past. Forced to hide my new life from those I'd known as I walk among them. But, that reality was gone.
Then I realized that at least I hadn't formed any close ties with the humans in my past. I could move on without them worrying about my disappearance. I wouldn't miss any of them to any degree and I suspected none of them would miss me. Well, with the possible exception of my coaches.
That left me with a very steep learning curve. I was alpha. I would lead. Anything else would be weak and I was not weak. The first thing I needed to do was shut down the lust wafting through the room before things got any further out of hand.
I let my voice do the work for me, as I pushed a little disapproval into my command, "Stop!" I wished I'd had the foresight to utter the word a few minutes earlier but being defeatist wouldn't help, so I pushed forward.
"You are all pack. You all know that what happened, should not have happened. We're all going to have to live with it but until I figure out our next step, no one is touching me."
Pugs immediately released my hand and the head between my legs tried to pull away as everyone else took a step or two back. I looked along my body as I pulled up on the hair in my grip and was stunned to find Emily's glistening face looking back.
I was prepared to express my total displeasure with the disaster; starting with a magically empowered berating and proceeding to throat tearing if necessary. Seeing Emily covered in my cum left me momentarily mute and I released my grip, allowing her to scurry away.
More mystifying scat to dump on an already overwhelming day. It took me a few moments to organize my thoughts and Emily used the time to back as far from me as she could. She was obviously afraid. Although I got the feeling the fear wasn't stemming from any problems with pack business. I don't even think she was worried that I would physically punish her. I got the feeling she was embarrassed for outing herself and was afraid of how I was about to react to it.
I had absolutely no idea how I should react. I didn't even know how I felt about it yet. Her mistake had been personal. Yes, it had affected the pack but I could tell that part had been an unintended side effect.
What I did know, was that she had caused a huge problem and deserved to be punished but I didn't know what would be appropriate. The situation was unprecedented. If it wasn't, the pack would already be acting under those norms.
I needed to slow things down and give myself time to think. My first thought was to seek out my dad. I'd always listened to his advice before and this situation had blown up his world just like the rest of us. As alpha, he had every right to be involved anyway. So, I stood and locked eyes with Emily. "Come with me."
I turned and headed for the stairs, not bothering to make sure she followed. Once outside I slipped my skin and started running. The forest let me know Emily was trying to keep up but was lagging behind so I ran even faster. I kept her at her top speed knowing it was a small punishment but I wanted her to work for any forgiveness she got. The forest also let me know that Pugs was running with her. I didn't know why he followed but I'd find out soon enough.
I didn't wait for them at the ridge and started climbing. I didn't wait at the top either but I did wait once I got in sight of my house. The cabin I grew up in seemed different somehow. It wasn't the fact that two sheriff vehicles, a fire rescue truck, and a paramedic unit were parked in front. When I first saw the house, I could feel that it had somehow changed. It just felt different.
Then the reason for all of the emergency vehicles hit me. My mother was gone. As I was reminded that I had killed her, my grief returned with full force. My song of anguish sped into the night and was echoed back by a dozen voices spread throughout miles of forest. They shared my pain but only some of it. They hadn't lost their mother.
Several minutes later, Emily and Pugs sat down on either side of me. They were in their human forms and both nuzzled into my neck and hugged me. But it took several more minutes to even register that I wasn't alone physically. When I did, I shifted back to human and settled down between them. I should have called them out for touching me. But their presence was comforting because there was still a giant sucking void surrounding my tiny, scared, lost, and emotionally bruised 'me'.
"I probably shouldn't present your crime to my dad just yet," I ventured before sighing. I hadn't bothered to look at Emily, there was no doubt to whom I directed my comment. Even so, I had spoken rhetorically. After several minutes of silence, I almost wished someone would say something to break the tension.
No one did and we just sat watching. It was maybe ten minutes later when the fire crew and the paramedics left the house with all of their equipment. Only now the gurney supported a body bag. I felt Pugs squeeze my hand as Emily whispered calming shushing noises. It wasn't until the door of the ambulance closed with a resounding thump, that I realized that I'd been whimpering.
I will never forget that sound, nor the imagined physical impact it made against my heart. Even now years later, the sound of a heavy truck door closing brings me back to that moment. I'm told it's PTSD, and I'm trying to work through it.
Anyway, the piteous noises I had made were only part of my embarrassment. The accompanying trembles and free-flowing tears made the wolf in me feel weak. I'm sure you can guess how the 'me' parts felt. It was Pugs that distracted me by suggesting that I should just listen as the two vehicle's tail lights passed from view.
"I can't hear anything," was uttered before I realize that he hadn't meant for me to use my ears. Closing my eyes, I retreated into the wolf part of me and felt the forest emerge in my mind's eye. It was like the clearing of a car's slightly fogged windshield with the defroster on high. It didn't take long for me to become one with the forest. Once I had, I realized that my surroundings were now a part of who I was. They would always be there, just under the surface until needed.
A moment later, a memory came unbidden. The awful last moments before my change when my dad had helped me become aware of the pack. Although, having become my fully realized self and linked to all of my pack allowed me a different perspective of that terrifying time. I could now translate the howls of those that had surrounded our cabin. They were no longer the eerie night calls of some wild animal. They had been the tormented dirges of scared family members anticipating a great loss. I had been wrong. So very wrong. They too had all lost their leader, their comforter ... and for most, a close relative.
I was no longer alone in my grief. I realized that my pack truly understood my pain. A great weight had suddenly been lifted from my shoulders. A weight that had been crushing the little girl in me and kept me from fully listening to my father's heart. Even amid this horrid situation, his main concerns were about me.
He knew I was feeling guilty for circumstances well beyond my control. Even if I had been taught from birth about what I am. Even if my parents could have guessed my level of power before my change. Even if they were fully precognitive and tried to explain how to prevent it. They, like me, were completely helpless to change anything.
A newly awakened werewolf can only act on pure instinct and has no capacity for reasoning at all. I had acted solely on that instinct and took my rightful place within the pack. My mother's death wasn't my fault. It was simply a naturally ordered but unfortunate circumstance of our species. I would continue to miss her and wish things had happened differently but I would no longer feel guilty about it.
I took a deep shuddering breath and wiped my face clear of tears. From that moment, healing would begin, and not just for myself. I was heartened to notice that it didn't take long to start. I felt a release of tension flow through the pack as if we had all been holding our breath. I also felt my dad even clearer than before.
He had felt my approach and needed me to stay away until the sheriff's deputies left. My presence had been making him more and more agitated at their questions but with my epiphany, he had regained his control. I tried to send him good feelings which might have helped as well.
Concentrating more specifically on the house, my awareness of the surrounding forest seemed to fade away. It was still there just not as clear. The house, however, became clearer and clearer until it was almost like I was in the room with my father.
Both deputies were giving him hard looks that read as 'I don't believe a word you're saying'.
"Don't leave the area, Mr. Lupus. Even if it's to retrieve your daughter. At least until your wife's cause of death can be determined. I'm not accusing you of anything mind you. But you have to admit, it doesn't look good that just this afternoon, you had your daughter discharged from the hospital, only to move her to a clinic in Canada. And then return to find your wife dead. I'm sure you can understand why it might look suspicious. Especially since you say that we have no way to contact your daughter."
"I told you, she's being treated in a hyperbaric chamber to speed the healing process. But, I can give you the phone number for the clinic to verify that she's there. As a matter of fact, I think I have a card." He moved to his den, and then his desk where he opened the top drawer. Retrieving a business card, He spun and almost ran into the deputy. The man had followed my dad unbidden into the room and stood there as if to block him from leaving.
