The Annual Striberg Family Reunion had become a capital "E" event, growing exponentially each year since its inception a decade ago. Family members none of us even knew or invited came out of the woodwork for the occasion. None of them caused trouble, and there was plenty of food and drink to go around, so no one minded.
My family has always been non-confrontational. To the uninitiated, that might seem healthy - an essential component for avoiding family dysfunction the likes of a Dostoevsky novel. But really, it's a recipe for resentment. Tension never put into words but still palpably felt. Like a frog in a slowly boiling pot of water. A warmth at first, then a sweat, then a desire to hop the fuck out - who cares where? Anywhere but here.
Such was the case at our tenth Reunion. My dad owed Uncle Rick $2000 from wrecking his fishing boat. Rick told him it was "all good - accidents happen" and that dad could pay him back whenever it was convenient. But it was two years later, and to my knowledge, dad hadn't paid a penny. Our family was loaded with credit card debt (another unspoken resentment, this one between my parents - I only knew about it from seeing the mail on the kitchen table), so a $2000 in cash was hard to find. Uncle Rick, in Striberg style, said nothing of it at the Reunion, but beat around the bush in a way that was almost more aggressive than direct confrontation.
"Haven't been out fishing in a while," he said, his mouth full of cornbread.
"Yeah, me neither," dad said.
"My buddy Randy says there's a real good fishing hole in the middle of Bear Lake, but uh, can't really get out there. Not until, well...anyway, great cornbread, Suzanne."
Dad averted his eyes, sawing through his steak with a plastic knife. Totally ineffective but he kept going at it with a madman's focus.
"We doing the singalong this year?" my aunt Suzanne asked, smiling a little too widely.
"Yuuuuup," Rick said. "God, I need a beer."
Yet another unspoken resentment. No one remembers who came up with the idea for a family singalong. No one wanted to do it, but somehow it happened. And what we all hoped would be a one-time embarrassment became an annual tradition as unbreakable as Christmas ham.
And to think this was just day one of the Reunion. One of three.
I wanted to retreat to our cabin to read or take a nap, but my parents frowned on that and would scold me for being "antisocial." Inevitably, my dad would pull me back to the group for a game of badminton or something else unpleasant. This routine happened every year, so I'd come to expect it even now at the age of 21. Sure, I was no longer a child, but the Reunion may as well have been called "the Regression." Isn't going home always like that? Resuming old roles regardless of how much you've changed.
Still, I was desperate to escape lunch before some great-uncle herded me over to the outdoor amphitheater where we always held our singalong. There had to be some other excuse. A bad stomach. A sore throat. Or, hell, I was of age now - a hangover. Worth a try. I pressed my fingers into my eyes until mom noticed. (How very Striberg of me - passively waiting for someone else to notice your pain.)
"Everything okay?" she asked, grabbing pop cans from the table to throw in the recycling.
"Nope, I uh...it's embarrassing," I said, trying my best to reel in her curiosity.
She put the pop cans down and leaned in close, her hand on my shoulder.
"What's wrong?"
"I think I drank too much last n-"
And in a display of pure theatre, I let out a burp that threatened to become more. For a moment, I worried I'd overplayed my hand.
"Jesus," mom said. "And you didn't share any booze with me?"
For a moment, my mouth hung open like I was an idiot. Had she caught me?
"I'm kidding," she said. "You think I haven't had a hangover before? They're terrible. And they don't mix well with singalongs."
I suppressed a smile.
Mom nodded in the direction of our cabin.
"Go," she said. "You can join us for dinner if you're feeling up to it."
"Thanks, mom."
And with that, I rushed away, tossing my styrofoam plate and silverware into the trash (sorry, Mother Earth.) The feeling of claustrophobia melted away as soon as I got outdoors. The state park was beautiful in the fall - rolling hills as far as the eye can see with golden trees swaying side to side. I took a moment to just breathe deep and listen to the rustling leaves.
"You ducking out, too?" a voice called from nearby.
I jumped, sure I'd been caught in my lie. But no, it was just my cousin Julia, sitting under one of the mess hall windows with a Juul in her hand and a vape cloud floating out of her mouth. A long lock of black hair spilled out from under her hood and brushed the ground. As far as I knew, she had never gotten a haircut in the entire decade we'd been doing these Reunions. It was a ritual at this point for family members to grab her hair without asking and compliment its beauty. Even I couldn't deny it was beautiful.
I snapped out of my daze when I heard a voice inside the mess hall shouting something about the singalong.
Julia took one last hit on her Juul, then reached out her hand to me. I was confused for a second until her eyes went wide.
"Let's get the fuck out of her," she said.
I pulled her up. Her hand was cold but soft, and if it weren't inappropriate, I'd have kept holding it.
We hustled away from the mess hall and toward the woods, away from the cabins.
"Finally some peace and fucking quiet," I said as we slipped passed the dead grass and into the trees.
"Does that mean I can't talk to you?" Julia asked.
"No, we can talk. I just mean, you know, peace and quiet from -"
"I get it, I'm just messing with you. How've you been? It's been what, a..."
"A year," I said. "Yeah, I've been alright. I, uh...dropped out of college. Probably need to mention that to my parents."
"Well, you're one step ahead of me. I haven't even enrolled yet."
Julia gave a pained and gorgeous smile, her dimples on full display.
"My mom keeps pushing me to do it," she continued. "But I figure if I've gotten by okay without a degree for the past three years, I probably don't need one anyway."
"Where you working?"
Julia was silent except for the crunch of leaves under her Converse. Her cheeks flushed bright pink.
"I mean, if it's any consolation, I'm working at a student loan collection call center. Fucking soulless, shameful work right there."
"More shameful than mine, for sure," she said, smirking slightly.
"Well, what's yours? Or, ooh, let me guess."
Julia laughed and shook her head.
"Okay," she said. "But you only get three guesses. If you lose..."
"I've got..." I rummaged through my pocket. "A cough drop?"
"Sure, if you lose, you owe me that cough drop. In case I pull too big a vape cloud and start hacking up a lung."
"Ah, is that a hint? Do you work at a vape shop?"
"Nope. Strike one."
I gazed at my cousin, eyeing her for clues like Sherlock Holmes. Or maybe just eyeing her.
"Hmm...you couldn't be a cook. You'd get all that hair in the food."
"It's happened before," she laughed, pantomiming someone pulling an ungodly long hair out of their mouth.
"Oh, but maybe you're a hairdresser."
She made a buzzing sound with her mouth. "Last chance."
"Uh, you're...a model!" I blurted, my face growing hot the second I said it.
Before I could take my answer back, Julia held her hand out and gestured for the cough drop.
"It's mine," she said.
As she took the cough drop, she tossed her hair like a woman in a shampoo commercial, giggling.
"How's my runway walk?" she asked, stomping blindly into a puddle of mud. "Shit."
"Okay, disregard the model comment," I said. "Anyway, you gonna tell me the right answer?"
"Sure," she said, scraping mud off her shoe and flicking it into the brush. "As long as you promise not to tell my parents."
Now I was truly intrigued.
"Alright, I promise."
Julia sat down on a pile of leaves and took off her shoes, committing to scraping them clean. I sat down beside her.
"I'm a sugar baby."
"No way!" I said as a pang of some forbidden feeling shot through me. "So, like, rich guys pay you to..."
"To go on dates with them mostly. Sometimes more."
"Do you...like it?"
"Yeah, for the most part. Some guys are creepy, but I dump those ones pretty quick. It's easy enough for me to find new ones."
"I imagine," I said, regretting my choice of words as soon as they came out.
But Julia smiled at me without any apparent judgment.
"Thanks," she said. "You're pretty cute yourself."
Oh boy.
"Anyway," she continued. "The money's great and the sex is...okay. Sometimes good."
I looked away for a moment, honing in on a particularly golden leaf, watching as it floated down the path. Maybe if I focused on it long enough, my cock would soften. Julia put her hand on my arm.
"Please don't tell me I made you uncomfortable," she said. "We all have jobs and we all have sex. I just happen to do both at once."
"Sounds efficient," I said, grinning.
Julia laughed, which made me feel better, but her touch wasn't helping the situation in my pants. I shivered and leaned forward to hide it.
"Are you cold?" she asked.
"Yeah, a little."
"Want to go back to my cabin? My parents will be at the singalong, so we'll have some time to ourselves."
"Sure."
We headed toward the cabins, Julia's arm wrapped around my shoulder.