"What were you two doing?" My mother asked me from the door of the pool house.
"Not what you think we were doing." To my utter disappointment that was true.
"Then what where you doing?"
"Just talking."
"About what?"
"About the women I've been with."
"Women? What women? I don't send you to that school for you to get one of the local girls pregnant."
"And so far I haven't."
"Why would you talk about that with your sister of all people?"
"Because I need advice and I sure can't talk to you about it."
"Watch your mouth, young man."
"Anyway, we done? You got the tux, it's late, and I need to ... ahem, take care of something." I said while making a jerking off gesture with my hand.
She slapped my hand to the side and tried to up her scowl to eleven. See, this is the problem when you punish someone to the max almost all the time. Then you can't scare them anymore.
"Exactly what sort of advice do you need?"
"Mom, get out." I said as I sat on my bed and looked down at my phone. I had long ago stopped caring if my mother knew I had this or not. So long as she wasn't paying for it, she had no right to ask me about it and I let her know that. Silent mode. Call volume all the way down. Record call. Contacts, send.
"No. This is my house." she replied.
"And I'm just a guest?"
"Tell me what advice you need."
"And right afterwards you're going to call Terri and see if I'm telling the truth."
"I might if I think you're lying."
"You wouldn't understand."
"I may be your mother but I was once a young woman like your sister."
"As true as that may be, you already have a low enough opinion of me."
"I'll try to be understanding."
"Ok. Well, see, there's this girl that I like but she's not interested. However, there are these other two girls and they are interested. So I held a kind of contest to see which one would win me."
"What sort of contest?"
"A sex contest. We all had sex together. And I was supposed to pick the one I liked more. Only now I'm confused. I can't decide. I guess I'm starting to think I care about both of them. Would it really be wrong to ask them to both be my girlfriend?"
"And if I get your sister on the phone she'll tell me that that's what you two were talking about?"
"See mom! This is why I didn't want to talk to you. You said you'd give me advice but then forget all about that and ..."
"Advice, don't fuck around and accidentally get a girl pregnant."
"Yeah, I know that much."
"No, you can't have a menage a trois in place of a steady girlfriend. You're acting like a misogynistic chauvinist just suggesting it. You should apologize to both girls and tell them that it's over. Then you should focus on your school work because you're already behind."
"Not my fault and you know it."
"You shouldn't even be dating right now. That's why we sent you to an all boys school."
"Well, maybe if I dated you'd stop thinking that me and my sister were having sex all the time. Jeez, Mom. It was one little thing that you caught us doing and you just had to blow it all way out of proportion."
"That was not just one little thing."
"Please. All it was, was a kiss. Come on."
"You were naked."
"So what? There are towns in Russia where everyone is naked all the time, from the little kids to the old grandparents."
"This isn't Russia."
"Yeah, but Mom, just because Terri and I happened to be naked in front of each other, that does not equate to us wanting to have sex. You just started jumping to all kinds of wild conclusions. And besides, that was years ago, now. Years Mom."
"I didn't raise you two to be nudists."
"Maybe not but I don't have a problem being naked in front of people. It doesn't bother me."
"And that's what they teach you at that school?"
"Wow. You just have to bring the conversation to any place other than you admitting you were wrong."
"I'm bringing the conversation to a place it needs to go so that I can help you and your sister not make a bad decision. And from the sounds of things, we should have had the sex talk a long time ago. Maybe if we had you wouldn't be putting those poor girls through something like that."
"They're not girls, mom. They're women. One of them is even married."
"You're telling me that you slept with a married woman?"
"Yes. I've slept with more than one married woman."