Click.
I jumped but only slightly. Not here. I was safe here. The only two women with me here were my sister (who I actually wouldn't mind having sex with) and my mom who made me feel like my dick would fall off is I ever saw her naked. I leaned back against the wall and hoped neither of them had noticed. My mother then handed me the bow tie but didn't wait for me to figure out how to put it on myself. She just started forcing me to stand up straight and she started doing it for me like I was handicapped or something.
Ever since the previous weekend, I'd been looking forward to spending more time with Terri but we'd had to be careful with my mother constantly wanting to be in my presence. My father might be trying to play everything off like there was no problem but my mom wasn't going to pretend like she wasn't actually chaperoning me everywhere. As much as she let me know with every look and every word that she did not want me around, she insisted on driving me to work, and driving me home. She insisted on sitting with me in the pool house after work and going with me no matter what I wanted to do.
Every moment that my mother was there just being angry, the only thing I could think about was how much I wanted to be with Terri.
However, my mother being a silent yet constant custodian was nothing compared to the damn door latches. Every time a door closed I got nervous. Every time I heard a lock get bolted or a key turning my nerves just freaked. I would be filled with dread and erotic excitement at the same time. It was a very strange emotional space.
I think I first really noticed it on Monday when I was at the lawyer's office. I really had thought for a good five minutes that the two women who were explaining to me the legalities of the inheritance were going to rape me. But it didn't happen. It didn't happen when I passed the secretary who had pissed on me. It didn't happen when I was alone with the criminal defense attorney who I'd had sex with or the bank lawyer whom she was introducing me to. I was just being jumpy.
I got spooked again another time on Monday and then three or four times on Tuesday. Once it even happened when I was in the living room of the house and my little sister came in to sit with me and my mother.
Yeah, I know. I have sex with my older sister, why not my mom or my little sister? But no. It doesn't work that way. No. Just ... NO! Ok. My mom is an evil witch and she halfway looks the part too. And my little sister is ... not old enough. Yeah, she's turning 17 soon but in my head she still just isn't old enough. Yes, I know that other girls who are not my sister are probably already doing whatever. Maybe even my sister Denise is as well for all I know. But the fact is, I don't know and I don't care to know. It isn't like that between me and her. Even if she were old enough I just have this block about it. It could never happen.
At least I hoped it would never happen. I pray. Please. Not them and no guys ever. Please. I wasn't really sure if the existence of magic meant that God had to be real or not or if God would even listen to the prayers of someone who was cursed but please, not my mom and not Denise.
So anyway, I had finally found a couple of minutes alone with my older sister Terri. Or, as alone as we were going to get. She was picking me up from work and I was going to change at her apartment because we didn't have time to go all the way back to the house. Our mother was going to be coming to Terri's apartment with a tux for me to wear. I could only pray that she had gotten a flat tire or got stuck in a traffic jam. Anything. Just keep her away. That's what I was thinking when I got into Terri's car outside the coffee shop. Before Terri even pulled away from the curb we had to go ahead and get a quick kiss in that hinted at more to come.
My sister and I knew we only had a few minutes alone while she was driving and there was a huge temptation to pull over and just do what we had to do. No time for foreplay. No time for making out. No time for talking. No time to even get out of our clothes. I wouldn't mind. At this point, I might not even care if we had an audience.
But instead of pulling over someplace and getting spotted by our mother in her own car, cause she was just crazy enough to try and sneak up on us; we were banking on getting to Terri's apartment before our mother had time to show up. Terri figured there was just enough time and it wouldn't look awkward. We had thought we'd made good time when my sister picked me up from work. Surely we might have just enough time to do this and finish at least once. Please. One time.
Nope. There was our mother waiting in the parking area of the apartment building.
Jackass parents. Why do they have to have the worst timing? I just knew my mother must have ran at least three or four red lights in order to get here that fast. I just knew it. And for what? Me and Terri were going to eventually find a time and place to fuck anyway.
But not now. We both greeted her and went to the door. It wasn't a very pleasant feeling getting an erection to go down in my pants in a way that would not make it show.
"Is everything ok?" our mother asked when we opened the door. It was obvious that she was sniffing the air to see if she could smell sex.
"Fine." Terri said.
My mother held out the tux for me to take. "Get in there and get this on. And hurry up. We have to go."
...
The wedding was being held at a very gaudy looking place with the most over the top decorations I'd ever seen. I didn't know the people getting married and Terri didn't either. Our father had a friend who had a client who had a brother and I think he was getting married but I wasn't sure so don't quote me on that.
Waiting, waiting, waiting. Lolly lolly la. What to do, what to do, what to do? Don't look at my sister, don't hint that we're fucking, eyes forward. Waiting, waiting, waiting. Yawn. Look at watch. When was this supposed to start?
My father walked over to the pew I was sitting in and tapped me on the shoulder.
"Son, can you come help with something?"
"Sure. What?" Anything just to get this moving.
"The alter boy can't make it and this is the minister's first wedding so we need you to help."
"Me? I don't know how to be an alter boy?"
"It's no sweat. Just wear the thing and hold the book mostly."
"Get Denise to do it."
"She's already helping with something else and there aren't any other girls."
"Well, I'm not a girl so I don't know what you want me to do."
"There can be a male alter boy if there are no girls. Now come on."
"Fine. But if I mess up I don't want these people pissed at me."
"I'm sure they'll really appreciate it. Just go up and smile and you'll be fine."
Great. Just great. I went though all the trouble of putting on a tux and having my mother nit pick my bow tie and my cuff links and everything just to take it off and put on an alb. By the way, who names something an alb? What the fuck did that even mean?
Well, it wasn't true that I had to take off everything. Just the tie really. The trouble was finding an alb that would fit my height. So there I was, wearing a kind of white dress like a priest or something. I could see why only girls would want this job. Then my father brought me to this other room where the priest was waiting and left me there.
I was standing there in the frame of the door with the door wide open watching the priest and the bride go over last minute details of whatever. Then it would be my turn to be told what the priest wanted me to do while I was assisting.
Now, I guess I'll go ahead and get it out of the way. The priest was a woman. She had on the religious collar and the colored poncho thing and everything but she was definitely a woman and a young woman at that. She couldn't have been more than maybe 25. As I looked at her I started to wonder if this version of Christianity allowed the priests to marry since it almost seemed a shame to force a beautiful woman like this to never be with anyone. Not that I was thinking of myself. I had my sister after all so no need. But you know how it is when you see someone who is very attractive and you find out they can never marry and you just feel it's a waste. The priest lady had wavy, almost curly, black hair and green eyes. She reminded me a lot of an actress from a noir film I'd seen a long time ago.
The bride was more of the typical blonde. She was from Ukraine and there was a rumor going around that she'd met her soon to be American husband through a mail order bride type service. Not that I'm judging. If most American women acted like the stuck up, entitled college girls or professional women that I had to put up with on a daily basis, I didn't blame men for looking outside the country for someone willing to be a proper wife. Here I was, potentially with hundreds of thousands of dollars in the bank and every woman I met treated me like garbage because I worked serving coffee. That isn't to say they can't choose to have a career instead of a husband. They can do with their lives whatever they want. Just please remember two things. One: if a man wants a wife instead of a live-in roommate don't be surprised if he passes on you. Two: Just because you work in an office with a huge salary does not mean you can touch my ASS.
Some of the regulars had even started to call me coffee boy. Was I a superhero now? I have a fucking name, ladies. It's on the name tag that I wear in full fucking view of your eyes. Learn to fucking read. Damn. And stop looking at my crotch. That's weird. Just stop it. I guess I shouldn't complain since they at least treated me better than the black road workers fixing the corner down the street. It still felt wrong though.
Anyway ... the priest and the bride were done discussing whatever it was that was holding everything up. The priest lady called me over to the big cross thing to talk to me next. As the bride passed me on her way out she smiled at me. She had blue eyes and shit she had a nice body. Well, maybe the priest lady did too but I just couldn't see with her wearing the kinds of robes she had on. Oh, sorry; vestments, cause as my mother would remind me later, this was not D&D.
"Hello." the priest lady said at my approach.
This was weird. I didn't exactly know what to do. Did I shake her hand? Call her father? Stare at her lips? So red. Why?
"Hello." I answered. "I'm just here to help."
"And I really appreciate it. Thank you. Only, there's one problem."
Problem. YAY. I can leave and go back to being a spectator.
"You'll need to take those studs off." she continued.
