Everybody is 18.
*
This is the story of an automobile trip taken to my grandmother's funeral by myself and my girl cousin, Leigh. My name is Ken and I live in work in the same town as my cousin. It is purely coincidence that we live in the same town, as Leigh and I are not close, nor do we see each other often even though we live only a few miles from one another. Our mothers are sisters. We are first cousins and have the same grandmother. Oh, and Leigh is a bitch.
We are the same age and as small children we played together and were good friends. As teenagers, though, Leigh decided to turn her back on me for another crowd that had no room for me or any of my friends.
There was one incident in particular that happened when Leigh and I were in high school that ended our friendship. We both ended up at the same party one night and she stood in a circle talking to some new friends she wanted to impress with her coolness when I walked up and stood to the side hoping to be included in the conversation. Leigh clearly did not want me in her crowd or even near her.
I had begun talking and laughing with a couple of guys I knew when she took a step towards me and slapped me across the face saying, "Shut up you asshole, go back to your loser friends!" She humiliated me and embarrassed me in front of everybody within hearing distance. From that moment until now I have had nothing to do with Leigh. I have been polite to her at family gatherings but no endearments have been exchanged and certainly no hugs have taken place.
Now we are in our thirties and living in the same town by coincidence when my mom calls to say that our grandmother has died and the funeral is Friday. Could I please let Leigh ride with me the three hours to the funeral? My Mom had thoughts for years that Leigh and I might reconcile and she was always planning situations that could bring us together. It was only at my Mom's request that I agreed to give Leigh a ride. So, I phoned Leigh and she acted like I was doing her a favor to call and offer a ride, but we did make arrangements to ride together.
Leigh was a tenured professor in the business department at the local college. She said she had a 9 AM meeting that would last about an hour and we could leave afterwards. I mentioned to Leigh that we had a three hour ride and leaving at 10 AM left us no time to spare. Besides, I like to arrive at least 15 minutes early. Leigh said she would be ready at 10 AM. WTF, I thought, I'll meet you at 10.
On Friday morning I was waiting outside Leigh's building at 9:30 in hopes that she would be early, but no such luck. I sat in my new Lexus waiting for her to arrive. I had owned the car for a month and I still had the "proud car owner glow" about me as I listened to music on the Bose speakers while admiring the wood trim and leather seats.
Leigh arrived at 10:10 AM which pretty much assured that we would have to haul ass the next three hours if we wanted to get to the service on time. She walked thru the doors of her building toward my car wearing a black business suit with a mid thigh skirt, black hose, carrying an overnight bag and a lap top computer. She must have known how gorgeous she looked as she walked with attitude, dressed in black for her Nana's funeral. I was fuming and ready to choke her before the trip even got started.
She ignored the fact of her tardiness as if she was entitled to the privilege of being late. However, she proved to be surprisingly pleasant when she got in the car and we made our way out of town and towards Charleston, the funeral and our relatives.
"Here," she said, "I brought you something." She handed me a bottle of Gatorade and took one for herself.
"That's the nicest thing you have ever done for me," I said, "Besides, when did you start being nice?"
"Oh, I have my moments," she replied.
Leigh had a pretty decent music selection on her I-Pod as she plugged it into the Bose system and shuffled her selection. We heard Outkast, Jack Johnson, Hendrix, Coltrane, Adam Ant, Vampire Weekend and some other artists with whom I was not familiar.
Leigh had finished grad school at Duke University and got the small college teaching job right away. At 34 years old she was a tenured and published professor with a secure future. I asked with a hint of antagonism if she still behaved like a bitch. She explained that she had turned the corner on her bitchiness and bad behavior, that she was now quite a nice person. I doubted it. But, we drove along I-26 toward Charleston while listening to music and sipping our Gatorades while we shared stories of our lives over the past 10 to 15 years.
All was good until the traffic slowed and we moved along at about 5 miles an hour past an accident scene. The delay made me nervous and tense as we lost travel time and it was almost guaranteed that we would be late for our Nana's funeral. But pretty soon the speed picked up and we were traveling at a decent speed again. I calculated that with some luck we would arrive right on time without a single minute to spare. Not great, but it was better than being late. That's when Leigh held up the empty Gatorade bottle and announced that she had to stop somewhere to pee. We were running 10 minutes late already because of her. We still had an hour to drive and she wanted to take the next exit for a pee break - not good. Also, it wasn't going to happen.
"You know we will be late for our own grandmother's funeral if we stop for you to pee, don't you," I said. I told her it was out of the question and she should just pee in her empty Garorade bottle.
