"What the hell was that?" Joy asked.
"You tell us," I said back.
"We were just kissing and suddenly she ran out of here," Joy said in disbelief, as if we hadn't just seen everything.
"Maybe she didn't want her mom to catch her lezzing out for her first kiss?" Payton asked rhetorically.
"Payton!" I scolded. "Do not say 'lezzing out' about my sister or anyone."
"Sorry, but that's how the world is," Payton answered. "No girl wants their first kiss interrupted, especially not by their mom, especially when she's kissing another girl. But I don't think that's what Carly meant."
"What did you mean, Carly?" Joy asked.
"Is there something you're not telling us, Joy?" I asked back.
"No," Joy responded, feigning perplexity. Or maybe she really didn't get it.
"Do you like my sister?"
"I don't know, she's cute," Joy said defensively. "I thought she deserved some fun today, maybe I got a little carried away."
"Are you gay?"
She paused and took a breath. "I don't know. I try not to think about it." She seemed to stop but I just stared at her and she continued. "You guys know I go to a lot of parties at school. Well, I make out with people. I've probably made out with three guys and like twenty girls."
She stopped again and we had a brief moment of silence. "Well I'll throw this out there," Payton said. "I'm bi, definitely bi with a preference for girls."
"I mean, if I have to define it, I guess that's me too," Joy said. "Guys just don't feel as good, and they aren't as good at it."
I put my head in my hands and took a deep breath. "Guys, we're supposed to be best friends. But here we are, lesbian makeout queen pounces my sister without warning and only that gets Payton to come out, right after she accused my sister of 'lezzing out' like some kind of homophobe."
"Carly, I'm sorry," Payton said as she put her arm around my shoulder. "I just said that to my best friends for emphasis, and as for being bi, I guess it never came up. But I mean, I didn't think it was that big a deal. We all know what we've done together."
Joy jumped in. "And I, for one, don't like being called the 'lesbian makeout queen.' But I didn't say anything because we never really talked about boys. Or girls."
"You guys are right. I guess it makes sense we never talked about that. We're 20 and all still confused," I said. "Except Payton," I quickly added lest I be a hypocrite.
"Oh you're confused?" Payton asked me. "Your turn to share."
"I guess I just figured I was straight and too focused on school for boys. But I mean, I was really turned on watching you guys with Polly. Is that weird? Isn't that incest?"
"Trust the lesbian makeout queen," Joy said. "If that kiss looked half as good as it felt, Mother Theresa would have been wet for her sister."
"Gross!" I protested.
"Honestly," Payton said, "I don't get the deal with incest. There's no hurt in checking out your sister."
"Well we certainly did a number on my sister."
"Maybe we should make it up to her," Payton suggested.
"Slumber party?" Joy said with a grin.
"No," I retorted.
"Well maybe," said Payton. "What if we - Joy - promise no pressure. Just a night for the birthday girl. She chooses what we do, we're just there to be fun."
"Can you do that Joy?" I asked.
"Yes," she scoffed. "No making Polly uncomfortable. Deal."
"Alright," Payton stood up. "You," pointing at Joy, "take me home so I can get some stuff. And you," to me, "go convince your sister."
They left and I went up to my sister's room and knocked. Polly was reading so I sat at the edge of her bed. She looked at me, waiting for what I had to say. "So we all feel bad about freaking you out, so we thought it'd be fun to make it up to you by having a slumber party, the four of us. No pressure to do what we did this afternoon, we just do whatever you want. Joy will tone it down."
"Joy's never toned down," she reminded me.
"I know, but she was a little too... she won't be like today. You're the birthday girl, we'll just do what you want."
"Sounds fun."
"I'll text them," I said as I stood up.
"But who knows," she said before I went out. "Something like this afternoon might happen."
"Not you too," I groaned and shut the door.
We went out to a birthday dinner with our mom and had cake at home. With eight o'clock approaching, Polly and I went upstairs to change into PJs. I had never thought so hard about what to wear at a sleepover. Given what had happened in the afternoon, I was trying so hard to dress naturally that my choice became unnatural. Finally I settled on a small but comfortable t-shirt and shorts, no bra and a pair of bikini panties - sexy enough to not be made fun of but not slutty enough to look like I was interested in anything. I went back down to see if my mom needed any help cleaning up.
Polly was sitting at the kitchen table, same place as that morning, same pajama bottoms. Her t-shirt had been exchanged for spaghetti straps. I hadn't noticed her breasts in a long time - at some point, they had grown bigger than mine and she clearly wasn't wearing a bra either. They weren't huge, but they might be rivaling Payton's in size. Joy was right, she was cute. She just didn't know how to dress. Before my look at Polly became a stare, I group messaged my friends a reminder, "NO FLIRTING." And then for good measure, "Joy." "We agreed," came from Payton and Joy responded "Unfortunately," before adding "Pussy blockers." I scoffed. Joy never had answered my question about liking Polly. I couldn't wait for them to arrive, not for excitement but to answer my questions about Joy's behavior.
They arrived together - Payton didn't have a license - and in the commotion I forgot about my fears. Neither one had changed and for the umpteenth time that day, I was distracted by my friends' beauty. Joy's cleavage wishing to burst out of her flowing dress that flashed a length of pale leg with every step. Payton's long, tanned legs ending in a short, crisp white skirt matched with white sneakers and a grey tank top caressing her perfectly rounded breasts. Perhaps I was less afraid of Joy's behavior as I was of my own.
Once we had settled in downstairs, we turned to Polly guide us. "Well, I really don't know what to do," she said. "But I was thinking truth or dare, that's kind of the most famous sleepover game."