It was a strange sensation, almost disorienting, really. Every aspect of our relationship had changed. It wasn't exactly an overnight change because this had begun several days ago when we first headed north. It felt like an overnight change though because of the momentous nature of what had happened since yesterday.
I couldn't help but reflect on our relationship as we drove through the morning sunshine. I watched the landscape change as we drove through the farming communities along the back roads. I had never been this way before, and it was nice to see something other than highways for a change.
As much as I was enjoying watching the scenery roll by, I was really only half seeing it because in my mind's eye, I was rolling through a thousand memories of growing up. It was hard to believe that the two of us sitting in the front seat of this car, on what felt like a flight to freedom, were the same two people in the memories that were flitting through my mind like an old film, slightly faded and warped with time.
I felt her hand on my bare thigh as she shook it gently. I snapped back to the present with a sense of whiplash.
"Huh? What's up?'
She chuckled as she glanced at me.
"I could ask you the same question. You were a million miles away. Is everything alright?"
She was trying to keep it light-hearted but I could see the concern in her eyes. I knew she was going through the same thoughts and doubts about the recent changes that I was and I could see she needed some reassurance.
"Sorry, I was on a completely different planet for a bit there."
"A penny for your thoughts?"
I could see the worry coming out on her forehead as it wrinkled in that familiar way. That familiarity made me smile as I took her hand in mine. I raised it my lips and kissed the backs of her fingers gently.
"I was just remembering things. Random scenes from growing up, holidays and things we all did together. I was just marvelling at how things have changed."
"Oh."
I could hear the concern in her voice from just that one word and it hurt to think that maybe I was the cause for so much of her concern and worry. I looked at her and she looked back but she wasn't smiling. In fact, she looked like she was about to cry. I didn't know what to say so I just held her hand and tried to convey my feelings through touch.
"Jeff, do you... regret... what has happened?"
She seemed to struggle to get the words out like they were jagged and were catching in her throat. I watched as a tear rolled down her cheek and my heart seemed to come to a complete stop in my chest.
"Mum, pull the car over up here please."
She didn't say anything but she nodded when I pointed to the dirt section off the side of the road. The car came to a stop and I undid my seat belt, turning in the seat to face her. She sat there looking down at her feet and looking absolutely miserable. I waited a moment but she seemed unable to look at me. I spoke gently.
"Look at me, please."
She looked up at me slowly and I watched as the tears spilled from her eyes.
"Please, don't cry. You need to know this. I don't just mean hearing it and dismissing it, okay? I absolutely do not regret anything in my life. I have had the life I needed to have to lead me here. I am excited for the future in a way I haven't been before and I am excited for our future. Whatever that brings, whatever that means for us and whatever form it takes. I am excited about it for the first time maybe ever. I do not regret what has happened between us these last few days. It has been the most wonderful time of my life so far. I know some horrible things have been happening but nothing that has happened between us is."
I could see her face changing to a look of hope but the doubt was still lingering.
"Look, I get why this is so hard. You are fighting what you want against what is considered right. You are trying to understand the permanence, or even if there is any to this situation. I am too, and it's confusing and a little bit scary. Do you remember what you used to tell me when I got scared about trying new things? Anything worth doing should be a little bit scary."
She nodded and finally smiled a little.
"I am going to tell you the same thing you told me just the other day, and I mean it as much as you did. If at any point this becomes too difficult, too worrying, or just not right for you, just tell me. If at any point you want to stop this, just tell me. I promise I will do the same. For now, though, I don't want to stop. I love being your lover and I love this adventure we are on. My love for you is worth more to me than that though and I will let it go for you if that's what you want."
She sobbed again and then moved over to wrap me in a bone-crushing hug. It was awkward to try and hug so closely inside a car but I wouldn't have changed a thing. She whispered in my ear.
"Thank you. I needed to hear that."
She released me and although she was still teary her smile was genuine and warm. She wiped her eyes with the heels of her hands and took a deep breath. I opened my door and got out of the car and walked around to her side of the car. I opened her door and helped her out of the car. She looked up at me and we hugged again. I held her head to my chest as we held onto each other. She eased off from the hug but looked up at me. She had that cheeky smile back that I had grown to love and that gave me shivers whenever I saw it.
"I don't want to stop. I know it's wrong, but I don't care. I love the way you make me feel both physically and emotionally. You have made me feel more like the woman I should be than anyone ever has, not to mention just how often you made me cum last night."
She chuckled and it made me smile.
"You're welcome. I would say the pleasure was all mine but I'm glad to say that it absolutely wasn't."
