We spent the first four hours driving and talking about anything and everything. The main subjects covered, though, were the situation with Granny and what needed to be done for her. We also discussed how Mum would or should approach Dad about the divorce. I had absolutely no idea how he was going to respond, but I was nervous because of his anger and volatility lately. Mum seemed to think he would take it better than that because she believed this was ultimately what he wanted too; he would just never admit to being wrong. We came up with a plan that sort of worked for all concerned and covered several, if not all, bases.
She would contact him in the morning and arrange to meet him somewhere. Meanwhile, I would head to the house once we knew for sure he was at work or with her. While I waited for a message from Mum, I would pack my stuff and load what I could in the trailer and car. At the end of the day, regardless of what happened, as far as he was concerned, I was moving out. So, this wasn't unreasonable.
If he took the news badly, she would send me a message, and I would hurriedly grab the things that she had written a list of that she really wanted and then get out of there. The rest was just "stuff" that she could live without if she had to.
If he took it well and agreed to her terms, then she would catch a taxi home and help me load the rest of her things into the trailer. I was hopeful of the latter outcome but not really expectant of it. The whole thing made me bloody nervous, but I think it was the only way we were going to make it work.
We had just stopped for fuel after the first two hours and were about to take off when Mum's phone rang. When she answered, it was a recorded message from the department of corrections asking if she would accept a reverse charge call from Peter. She immediately stopped the car; thankfully, we hadn't left the car park yet.
I felt weirdly nervous and excited. I had only had one chance to talk to Peter since he had been incarcerated. I also felt a bit guilty that I would be interrupting Mum's time with him.
"Yes, yes, oh my God, yes."
The line went fuzzy for a moment, then Peter's voice came through loud and clear on the speakers.
"Hello? Mum?"
"Peter! Oh my god, Peter. It's so good to hear from you. How are you doing? Are you safe? Are you alright? What's happening?"
Peter laughed at her enthusiasm, and it was so good to hear that sound.
"Calm down, Mum. I'm okay. They only give us ten minutes for these calls, so you need to listen first, okay?"
"Okay, I'm sorry."
Again, he chuckled.
"It's okay. I'm excited to talk to you too."
Just then a large road train went by on the highway right next to us. It banged and crashed as the empty trailers rattled past us, and for a moment, we couldn't hear anything.
"What the hell was that?"
"Road train."
I called out, simultaneously letting him know what it was and that I was here for the conversation as well.
"Hey, bro. It's so good to hear you too."
"Likewise. I miss you, man."
There was a moment of silence, then he went back into his spiel.
"Look, I have to make this pretty quick. At the moment I will only be able to talk to you once a fortnight for the next couple of months. After that, if I behave, which I have every intention of doing, I will be able to call you once a week. I tried to call home, but no one was answering the phone, so I called your mobile. Where's Dad?"
"At the moment I have no idea. We are currently near Granny's place. She's very ill. I'm sorry to tell you like this, but she has cancer, and I don't think she has all that long."
"Oh, shit. I'm so sorry, Mum. I'm sorry I can't be there for you."
"It's okay, Pete. There's really nothing you could do anyway. We're all feeling kind of useless at the moment."
"I know, I just feel like I have let you all down so much."
"Look, to be honest, the only person you have let down is yourself. I just want you to focus on getting better and looking after yourself. Hopefully it won't be all that long before they let us come and visit."
"Yeah, I would love to see you all again. Listen... Ahh, this is kind of awkward, and I wasn't going to say anything, but seeing as Dad isn't with you, I guess now is the best time to ask."
I felt myself grow still and tense as though bracing for more bad news. It had become second nature recently.
"What is it, Peter?"
"Umm. What's happening with you and Dad?"
I could see that Mum was having the same reaction I was. I know this isn't how she wanted to tell Peter about the impending divorce, but the cat seems to find its way out of the bag surprisingly easy.
"What do you mean?"
"Well. It's pretty obvious things aren't good there, and I know a lot of it is my fault. I may have been out of my mind a lot of the time recently, but even I was aware of something going on. Is this about Tracy?"
My first thought was, "Who the fuck is Tracy?" But as soon as I thought it, I realised that I knew who Tracy was. Tracy is the woman at Dad's work who works in the office. From the way Dad had spoken about her, she was more or less the liaison between the higher-ups and the rest of the staff. She did a lot of the delegating of jobs, and when the bosses said jump, it was Tracy who told the appropriate people to jump and how high. The impression I got from Dad was that he didn't like her all that much but tolerated her because he wanted to keep his job. He had mentioned a few times that he felt that one of his bosses had more than her ear.
I could see Mum trying to put two and two together and kept coming up with seven.
"Tracy? The bimbo from Dad's work?"
"Yeah."
"What's she got to do with anything?"
My brain was kicking into gear, and as much as I couldn't believe it, I began to suspect where this was going.
"Did you not notice the way she was hanging around during the court case? I noticed her there after court a couple of times, and when you went back to work, she would wait for you to go and then step forward to be all chatty with Dad. I asked him about it once, and he said something about his bosses checking in on him to make sure he was okay and that he would be coming back to work, but I don't know. It just seemed like more than that."
Surprisingly to both Peter and me, she laughed.
"You think they're fucking?"
"Wow! Mum, I don't know. Look, I'm probably just seeing something that isn't there. Just forget I said anything. Just, I don't know, maybe just watch out for her."
She let out a big sigh then, and I reached across and held her hand. She looked at me with gratitude and smiled a sad smile.
"Peter, this isn't the way I wanted to tell you, but I guess it doesn't really matter if he is fucking that bimbo. I'm going to get a divorce from your dad."
"Oh! Um, shit. Okay. Are you alright?"
"I'm fine. I'm sad that I had to tell you like this, but it has been coming for a long time. Jeff has copped a lot from him, and he has gotten a lot worse since you went... Well, since you went away."
"Fuck. Are you alright, Jeff?"
"I'm fine, Pete. I just want to be here with Mum and make sure she's being looked
after."
"Thanks, Jeff. I'm sorry I have let you all down so much. I should be there for you both as well."
"Stop it. We'll be fine. Now that things are in motion to make a change, we'll be much better."
Mum squeezed my fingers, and at that moment we heard a chiming sound on the phone, and that automated voice came back announcing we had one minute left. Mum took the opportunity to speak quickly.
"Peter, I want you to focus on yourself. Don't worry about us; we'll be fine. I love you."
"I love you guys too. I miss you."
"We miss you too."
A few seconds of silence passed, then the voice was back, telling us that the call was over, which was followed by the beeps of a disconnected call. We both sat there in silence as we tried to absorb everything that we had just heard. I was feeling so conflicted, and I had a myriad of emotions all fighting for dominance within me. I looked across at Mum, and I could see that she too was trying to wrap her mind around it all. She turned to me and just stared at me for a few moments.
"What the fuck?"
"Yeah, that about sums it up for me too."
"No. Really. I mean, what the actual fuck?"
I could see the anger, the frustration, and the betrayal all arguing with her guilt, relief, and sense of bemusement. She stared out the windscreen for a few moments before I touched her leg. She looked back at me again.
"Are you okay?"
She laughed a little and shook her head.
"I have no idea. I think so, but I'm bloody confused about how to feel about all of this."
I nodded and understood her confused feelings because I was feeling them too.
"I think the important thing to remember here is that, ultimately, it doesn't matter."
Initially there was a flash of anger and indignation on her face, but then she wrinkled her brow in confusion for a moment before nodding in agreement.
"I guess."
"Well, does it change anything about the result you are after?"
"No, not really."
"And we don't even know if anything has actually happened between them. Maybe it is just some flirting, or maybe they've been at it for months. Who knows? In the end it all amounts to the same thing, really."
"True."
She sighed, put the car into gear, and took off down the road. We drove in silence for quite a while, both of us lost in thought. I felt like my brain was a whirlpool. The same thoughts kept circling around, dipping below the surface, allowing me to focus on one for only a few moments before it got sucked under and another one bobbed to the surface. I would grasp at it and try to focus on it, but then it too got sucked under. It was frustrating to the point where, without thinking, I balled my fist up and hit myself in the thigh.
This seemed to shake both of us out of our reveries. Mum looked across at me with a look of concern.
"Are you alright?"
I sighed, angry at myself for letting my emotions get the better of me.
"Yeah, I am just frustrated and angry, and I can't seem to focus on a problem long enough to try and solve it."
She nodded with understanding.
"I'm hearing you. I'm feeling pretty pissed off myself. Do you want to talk it through?"
