Recently I started to worry that I might not be sexually adventurous enough for my husband. The other day he mentioned role-play and asked me if I had any fantasies. I told him he already knew that I got turned on wearing stockings and suspenders, and also when I put on one of my very skimpy bikinis.
He looked slightly embarrassed, as he said "no not like that, I mean would you want to act anything out that you couldn't do for real, you know because it was immoral or dodgy. Do you fantasise about anything you can't do for real?"
Caught out by his unexpected question, I got embarrassed and afraid to admit anything. I told him I didn't know what he was talking about. He quickly dropped the subject.
It left me worried that he wanted to spring something weird on me. I had some vision of finding him in a gimp suit or telling me he was a transvestite. I knew I was being irrational and overreacting. I do feel inhibited at times.
We have always had great sex; we both have good bodies and an enthusiasm for trying lots of positions. He has never been unfaithful and that's not me being naΓ―ve. He is a very serious martial artist and almost fanatical about loyalty and honour. He has always said that if he had a problem in the marriage I would be the first to hear of it; not the last. He can't stand people who have affairs behind their partner's backs.
So I felt confident nothing was happening behind my back, but clearly he had something he wanted to talk about and next time it came up I decided I would be ready to talk about it.
I also felt confident in his fidelity because he never stops telling me how incredibly attractive I am. He is not much of an actor and I don't think he would do it quite so much if he didn't mean it. Only the other day he was telling me yet again how much he loves my bum. That's hardly the talk of someone who is getting bored of me.
Although I'm a bit shy and not over confident; when I see myself in the mirror I can appreciate that I look pretty hot in nice underwear or completely naked. I have a very slim petite build, slim waist, flat stomach, pert D cup breasts and a toned bum.
A few years ago my husband persuaded me to completely shave my pussy, and even though I told myself I was doing it for him, I found it quite a turn on.
As soon as I was shaven, I quickly saw the benefits. He started going down on me a lot more often and it was very arousing to see his tongue working on my bare pussy with the view unobstructed. Also when he penetrated me I really enjoyed seeing his hard shaft sliding in and out of my naked hole.
So I did things like shaving myself for him, and wearing clothes I knew he liked and of course plenty of skimpy underwear. In the summer I wore tiny skirts or very low cut jeans, which he really enjoyed. On the occasions when we went out for the evening, I dressed up in sexy clingy dresses for him. Sometimes with absolutely no underwear and other times with the tops of my stockings showing because my dress was so short. All of these things turned me on knowing how much they pleased him and we had a great sex life overall.
In the end the subject didn't quite come up the way I expected it to. I have always had a volatile relationship with my family, my older brother especially. Over the years there have been arguments and occasional periods of estrangement.
Whenever these things came up, my husband was always a supportive partner and a very good person to talk to. When I first met him I told him I was damaged goods and all credit to him he turned out to be the best counsellor I could have had. Over the years his understanding of psychology and generally good common sense has really helped me deal with my own issues.
After one particular fracas, we were discussing why my brother treats me the way he does. He is three years older and has always been negative towards me. I was telling my husband about how he had always put me down when we were younger, especially making my life difficult when I hit eighteen. He would complain to my parents that I dressed like a tart. He would get angry and tell me to cover myself up if I was wearing something even slightly revealing. I never understood why it bothered him so much; what was it to him what I did? I did not interfere in his life.
My husband pointed out that it can be very difficult for a male to see his sister also being an attractive female. It tears their feelings because on the one hand you're their sister and they shouldn't have any thoughts about you, but on the other hand they see a female body that is attractive.
My husband suggested that my brother saw my physique in sexy clothes and underwear. He didn't know how to reconcile the sexual feelings that it aroused with the fact I was his sister.
In the years since then he suggested my brother had not been able to shake off his sexual thoughts about me. He had noticed that my brother often watched me in a furtive manner.
My husband seemed to know a lot about this and it occurred to me that he has a younger sister himself. I asked him if this was something that had happened to him too, and he told me it was only natural that he did, but it was only in his head, he had never done anything immoral.
I felt very uncomfortable with the conversation as well as the whole subject that we were getting into. So again, I changed the subject.
It was not until the next day when I was on my own at home that I got time to reflect on it. I work from home so when my husband is at work I have the place to myself.
The first time I got a quiet moment after that conversation to reflect on it I realised I felt quite shocked. What my husband was talking about was incest. Surely that was a terrible thing and I worried that there must be something terribly wrong with both my husband and my brother's morals.
Yet I felt naΓ―ve that it had never occurred to me before. When I was single I got a fair amount of male attention and, truth be told, some female attention too. Despite my confidence issues, I wasn't so thick that I didn't notice it. Now I was feeling slightly stupid that I never once spotted it from my brother.
As I reflected on it, incidents from when we shared a flat for a few years suddenly became more significant. Thinking of my brother's possible sexual thoughts about me, many things started to make immediate sense.
Things like; my knickers would go missing and turn up on the floor in his room. At the time I just guessed it had fallen out of the laundry basket as he went collecting dirty clothes around the house.
There had been times when I had been masturbating in my room and would stop, thinking I heard a noise at the door. It never occurred to me my brother might be listening or even looking. Our interior doors had large old-fashioned keyholes in them. Had he spied on me though them?
As I thought of these issues, I found myself torn between moral outrage and another more surprising feeling.