"Well, that rehearsal was..." I couldn't finish my thoughts without hurting his feelings. My student director, Donovan, threw his director's notebook on the table and sat down, defeated, on the couch.
"What am I going to do? The show opens in two weeks."
"That's still plenty of time. And there's a lot of good things going on."
I sat for a moment, thinking over the rehearsal, wanting to make him feel better about the show. It was his first time directing, and while he was doing really well, there were certain things that were just not coming together. Specifically, the love scene. I had been hesitant to let him direct that section, but he had wanted the challenge, and when we talked through it, he had some great ideas, so I figured it was a good learning experience. Besides, if it completely fell apart, I was there to fix it. I wasn't going to let the show be an embarrassment, even for the sake of learning.
"Well, the opening and closing are really tight, and I think all the scene transitions are smooth. They've just gotten off book, so the acting has dropped, but that will come back. We've still got time." I looked at him on the couch, and realized for the first time how really good looking he was. Tall, brown hair, brown eyes--a boy next door kind of thing. He had only been in my program for a year, but he had come so far, and had become one of my most talented actors. And, over the past month, I'd seen his innate talent for directing. With the exception of this one scene, he had been very successful with creating his vision on the stage, and our two styles were merging into each other very well. The show was shaping up to be a contest winner, and I was glad to share it with him. He and I had gotten close over the past month, sharing many conversations about not only the show, but everything else, including the difficulties with his dad, and some minor health problems I had been having. Although he was still my student, we had become more peers than teacher/student, a line I was very aware of, and was careful not to cross.
"Thank you," he said, sighing deeply, "that means a lot. But if the love scene doesn't come together, the whole show will fall apart. I can't get those two to show any chemistry, ever. It's been a month and they almost cringe when they hold hands. They start to laugh every time they get close to each other when we try to rehearse the scene. I don't know what else to do."
"Honestly, Donovan, there is only so much you can do. They've got to move past the awkwardness and embrace the fact that these are characters, and the characters are in love, not them. They are actors, and this is what actors do."
"Have I really done all I can? There has to be more I can do to help them. They're my actors. Maybe you should take over this scene?"
"No, I don't think that's a good idea. With scenes like that, the actors have to trust their director, each other, and themselves. Bringing in someone else will only make them more awkward. Let's talk about this. What have you done in the private rehearsals with them?"
He stood up and started to pace. "We talked about their comfort levels, what each was willing to do. They both told me they were okay with kissing, touching and simulated sex. They did not want any nudity. We also established safe words so if during rehearsals, they felt uncomfortable, they could stop at any time. They've kissed in private rehearsals, and they've sort of touched each other, but it's always really awkward, and they generally laugh all the way through it, and it looks terrible. There is no chemistry! I've even told them we can reblock it and do some different things with lighting if they can't get past it, but they assure me they'll be fine. At this point, I don't believe it."
I went to the couch and sat, and gestured for him to sit down next to me. "Donovan, come here, let's talk about this. Maybe you haven't told them what you want, so they don't really know what to do? What is their personal experience?"
He sat down next to me, looking defeated. "I've told them that it's lust driven by pain. They know they can't be together ever again, and it would be better if they never were, but they can't help themselves. And what does their personal experience have to do with that?"
"Well, sometimes, everything. Remember how in class we talked about method acting and that often, an actor has to find something in their own life to use to create a character. In my personal experience, lust and heartbreak are often hard to 'imagine'. If you've never had your heart broken, it can be hard to realistically play that pain. Lust is very animalistic, and again, if it's personally never been experienced, I think it's an emotion that is also hard to fake. So, in that case, as the director, you have to show them how to physically demonstrate those feelings, which will then lead to more reality and chemistry."
Donovan sunk further into the couch. "Well, then, there's the problem," he said, burying his head in his hands."
"What do you mean?" I reached out and touched his arm, and a little shiver ran through me. This was not the first time I'd ever touched him. I'd helped him with costume changes before, done his make up, and had even hugged him a few times, but I had never experienced a shiver. It was odd, but also thrilling. I quickly pulled my hand away--this was that line that I wasn't supposed to cross.
"Well, I've never had either of those. You know the two girls I've dated. Neither lasted very long, and while they weren't good break ups, I wouldn't call them heartbreaking. And as for lust... " He looked very uncomfortable and sat up, moving away from me.
"It's okay. You can tell me." I put my hand on his arm again, and the shiver repeated itself. This time, I didn't pull away.
