In grades 8, 9 and 10, I learned a lot about sex but did not have any opportunity to actually have sex; except for sometimes in public vehicles touching breasts of girls and women with my elbow or arms in an 'un-intentional' manner. I used to go to local cyber cafes to watch porn sites. Also, in an old laptop gifted to one of my friends by his uncle, we boys used to watch porn movies and sites.
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IN GRADE 9 (WHEN I WAS 15 YEARS OLD) during our summer vacation for 15 days, my friend handed me his laptop and some porn CDs to enjoy during the vacation while he went to visit his relatives in distant city. During the day time I would be all alone - my mother would be in office, my father in another city for job (as mentioned earlier in the beginning) and my sister Amisha who was 20 years then would be in college studying Bachelor's degree. I watched all the CDs during my vacation and masturbated everyday (sometimes up to thrice a day). I kept the laptop and CDs very safe in my tin trunk locked out of sight of everyone. As with everyone during the age, I had all kinds of fantasies while masturbating - neighboring aunt, our English teacher at school, the grocery shop owner next door, film actresses, etc.
One of the CDs was titled 'Taboo'. To my surprise and shock this classic porn movie starring Kirdy Stevens was about mother-son and brother-sister sex. I felt it so disturbing... yet thrilling as it was the first ever porn movie on incest I had ever watched (I still have it with myself and didn't return it to my friend! Later, I even found other parts of the classic movie and I now have collection of three parts). After watching the movie, I got so turned on and irresistible I masturbated for the first time fantasizing my own sister Amisha. While masturbating, glimpses of past incidents ran through my memory - [seeing Amisha di totally drenched in water (because of heavy rain) standing at the door when I opened it to let her in and her protruding nipples wet and sticking against the t-shirt she was wearing (this happened one month ago); views of her bare cleavage visible on many occasions - while washing clothes, while giving me lessons to me lying on bed, while watching tv, and on a number of other occasions; softness of her thigh my face/head felt when I slept on sofa with my head resting on her lap while watching TV at night in our drawing room; I accidently touching her breast on two occasions - once when there was no electricity in home and in darkness I collided with her accidently touching her right breast with my right fist and the second time accidently touching her both breasts with my hands when trying to get back my new pen (which I thought was lost but she had stolen) from her which she wouldn't give and hold it tight in her fist against her breasts; the sight of her bras and panties hanging in bathroom/atelier for drying; and more vividly the day when we were walking amidst a festival crowd she was holding my right arm with her left hand pressing her left breast against my arm (this happened some two months ago)]. After ejaculation I felt so embarrassed and guilty that I thought I would never repeat it again. Although, I masturbated fantasizing my sister, I did not have any sexual feelings towards my mother... I simply did not have that feeling for my mother for no reason.
After the first masturbation fantasizing my sister, it took me almost two months for the second masturbation fantasizing her again. I had mixed feelings during these times - sometimes feeling extremely guilty of what I did and what I have been thinking and sometimes feeling normal as I would be extremely overpowered by the sexual fire. Going through pluses and minuses, I eventually masturbated fantasizing her for the second time after about two months of the first masturbation. Thereafter, I frequently masturbated fantasizing Amisha di, convincing myself that it is normal just to fantasize as long as I do not actually have sex with my sister. Feeling of guilt and regret mostly arose right after the ejaculation... but as time passed by I began gradually enjoying it without any shame or guilt. Moreover, masturbating fantasizing Amisha di gave me the most intense orgasm compared to other fantasies. My best time pass would be to browse websites that have stories, information, photographs, video clips on incest, especially on brother-sister incest (and that was how I got introduced to literotica.com). I got encouraged, as I knew I was not the only person with such fantasies. I learned about Barbara Gonyo (a mother who confessed publicly that she tried to persuade her long separated son to have sex with her but without success. She even coined the word 'genetic sexual attraction' for the sexual attraction between blood relatives) and popular Brother-Sister consensual incest in Germany ..... and many others.
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PASSING THROUGH MIXED FEELINGS, TILL I WAS 18 YEARS OLD (AND AMISHA DI 23 YEARS), without anybody's knowledge I would sniff her used/unused bras and panties lying hanging in bathroom or in her bed. I would steal chances to have 'unintentional' contact with her body parts such as thighs, bums and breasts whenever possible - for instance slightly touching her breasts with my arms/elbow while watching a rally/parade going on in the street from our home window and she would keep quiet and still, and act as if nothing was happening (in fact she felt it and secretly enjoyed it, which she told me later); while I drove motorbike with her seated behind, I would keep talking to her so that she would have to bend forward to listen and press her breasts against my back; while walking together in crowd and during night without electricity, once in a while 'without intention' like manner I would run my hands sliding by her thighs and bums; try to find some pretext to quarrel with her so that I can snatch things from her or let her snatch things from me which would give me opportunity for touching her body parts; and I would smell her sweat and perfume when she would be near around... and so on. But above all, I would say to myself that this is the limit and I am in no way going to have real sex with her... and besides, she does not (or might not) feel the way I feel about her... and this is a total taboo thing to avoid. Sometimes my sexual attraction towards her would die for weeks, sometimes even for months, and during these times I would remember those past days when I got sexually aroused towards her and wonder why the hell I got sexually attracted towards my own sister. But strangely, after few days I would again be overpowered by my forbidden libido... even the slightest smell of her arm pits... partially visible bra through semi-transparent t-shirt she would be wearing... and many other similar sights would pump gush of blood to my heart and my penis making it incomparably stiff. Then I couldn't help but to masturbate alone imagining and muttering my fantasy dialogues in our native language – such as I saying "didi let me drink your milk..... please..... just once...." and then she replying in ecstasy "don't do it..... shhhhhh....... Don't do it...... shsssss....." I then imagine inserting all my fingers inside her bra to bring one of her nipples out from her bra and I say "Didi... see, your nipples are soooooooo erect.... You see......?" then she would nod her head and say "Babu (she calls me babu) please drink my milk... please....... Don't tell anyone... babu..... pleaseeeeee suck it...".... Then I imagine that I put out my five inches long penis out of my trouser and I say to her "Didi please hold my dick with your hand...." She would be closing her eyes kneeling down on floor. I would then hold her hand with mine to direct it to my stiff penis. She then takes slow deep breathes and shakes my penis up and down. I tell her "Didi please put my dick in your mouth...... mmmmmm... and drink my dick just like a lollypop..... please...". She then reluctantly but overpowered by sexual desire would suck it closing her eyes ..... head moving back and forth.... And I would ejaculate in ecstasy.... the best orgasm I would ever have. Such was how I used to masturbate fantasizing her.
I have day-dreamed and woven in my head many of series of fantasy events that would lead us into having sex. Such as – we would be traveling in a public bus to meet our maternal relatives living some 100 kilometers far away... we would be sitting on the last seat of the bus... one by one passengers would drop out of the bus leaving just two of us and few passengers in the front seats of the bus... the bus breakdowns... and they fix the bus only in the evening at around 7 pm.... We again get into our seats and the bus resumes speed... the lights/electricity goes off in the bus and in the surrounding streets/homes... In the darkness, at the last seat of the bus I place her hand on top of my crotch over the clothes... she assumes nothing has happened... I place my hand on her breasts over the clothes and gently massage and she acts as if she is asleep.... Other fantasies are – now that we are frequently having sex with condoms on, to get rid of having to wear condom every time we have sex I persuade her to get anti-pregnancy vaccination which would allow us have sex without condom for six months without getting her pregnant... we would go to a very far clinic from our home where nobody knows us.... I introduce her as my wife to the nurse and there she gets vaccinated.... Other fantasy is – the world gets doomed as a result of violent war... and there is very little population in the world... I and my sister get stranded in a far away hill... with nobody around we have been living as brother sister... but we come to realize that there should be more human offspring in order for the world to go ahead with human civilization... and besides we also need children to look after us when we grow old... so I fuck Amisha di on the pretense of having children for the human race survival and proliferation. I have fantasized having sex with Amisha di in a number of places in our home on different pretext and situations – in store-room, in bathroom, in toilet, in her bed, in my bed, on the plain ground, on ground over straw mattress, over the carpet, over dinning table in our kitchen, in our drawing room over the carpet watching TV, in mum and dad's room.... and many other places.