Catharsis

"Christ Gabby!" Katie, the night attendant for the dorm, walked in and saw Tamara sitting in my lap with her pussy being slowly teased by each of my fingers. She turned around and balled her fists.

Unafraid of her reaction I pulled my fingers out and put them into Tamara's mouth for her to clean off, her face turning deep red. I put the other hand under her jaw and made her look me in the eyes as she cleaned her cum off of every finger. "Good girl. Now you can go to the bathroom and wash up."

Slipping on my jeans and a light tank top I wiped my hands off with a small towel before going over to Katie, whispering, "You know you can turn around now right?"

Katie's knuckles were clenched so hard they were turning white. "Gabriella, I didn't report your drinking, your...you know, transformation. I didn't complain about the noises people said were coming out of your room or...this! Can you at least be decent when I come to the door?"

I scratched my head in confusion. "Don't you have rainbow pins and buttons? I thought you were super supportive to the local queers?"

She scoffed. "Yeah, I am. The real lesbian community has to distance itself from your kind though. Word might get out that you're sneaking up girls to your room like a pervert. Besides, I don't want to see everyone naked."

"My kind." The words stung my ears like wasps and I felt a bead of sweat run down my back from the tension. I got within an inch of her face and stared at her coldly in the eyes. "You wanna out me and my girlfriend? Go ahead." She backed up and turned her nose with an ugly frown in disgust. Tamara walked out of the bathroom and froze when she saw the conflict unfolding in front of her. "What did you need anyway Katie?" I wouldn't budge and leaned against the doorway with my arms folded.

"Someone said they heard screaming." Her words were spit through clenched teeth.

I looked back at Tamara and then to Katie. "Oh yeah? Wonder what that could have been. I haven't heard anything."

"You think that just because of," she looked at Tamara before I shifted to block her view so we locked eyes again. "Whatever it is you two do, that you can just get away with anything?" I stared her down, biting my lip gently to consider how worth it knocking a few teeth out would be.

"Have a good day Katie." I let the words fall as gently as possible from my mouth, sitting to stare into her eyes with cold conviction as long as possible before she walked away.

Shutting the door and turning back to Tamara, her hands were folded to hide the light shaking. I shook out the anger that felt like it would settle at the base of my feet to poison the ground around me. Deep breathing eased the red that pulsed on the edge or my vision, Tamara approaching me carefully. I turned a smile to her and opened my arms for a large hug. With arms around her I lifted her into my lap and sat us back on the bed, kissing her cheek. "You okay sweet girl?"

"You don't think she's actually going to tell anyone do you? What if she finds out about Evan?" Tamara was eyeing the ground, the catastrophic thoughts building quickly. The fear fueled by seeing someone close to her in a moment of pain, her senses waiting for the other shoe to drop if I flew into a rage like the ones she was so conditioned for.

It had taken a bit to figure out what helped her anxiety or fear but one night she came to me with a special request. Holding her so she could rest with her head on my breasts and the rest of her curled like a ball, I pulled her close and hummed as I ran my fingers lovingly through her hair. Humming gently, her breathing started to return to normal.

"I'll protect you from any of the crap she might try and dish out at us if she even has the balls to. There's nothing wrong with who you are." I rocked her in my arms in slow and easy motions. "After all, isn't that the best part of having a mistress or a butch girlfriend? I get to beat up all the people who are mean to you."

She smiled at me and shook her head. "I don't really like conflict, kissing you back in Oregon where people could see is about as bold as I get. Not here though. It seems to get weirder and weirder in Washington every day. Makes me miss just staying at home with you and Evan." She called that house her home for the first time which made my tough exterior melt.

"Well...maybe we can make something like that work." She looked up at me with hopeful eyes.

"Really?" I nodded to her and she began to bounce in my lap.

I slipped two of my fingers into the back of her pants and dragged them along the curve of her ass. "I'm also going to have to buy a ballgag wont I?" Her soft cheeks turned slowly red again.

"Yes Miss, I can't help but make noise when you play with me." Letting out a sigh and pulling her close so my breath ran down her back I held her protectively.

"There is absolutely nothing wrong with who you are, the noises you make, or how we care for each other. It's just people." She relaxed, her hands curling into my hair. "Good girl. Please tell me if anyone starts to make you uncomfortable or scares you okay?" She nodded.

"So wait are you the butch now?" Tamara snuggled closer and had a playful smile.

"It's something you bring out in me. I had to take the risk of trying to offer myself to Evan, and then you make me feel more like a top. I like taking care of you, holding you close when you get all small and snuggly. When we spend time together you melt in my arms and it's adorable." She couldn't look me in the eyes as I spoke, her legs shifting in her curled up position. At the center of her pants was another wet spot growing. Over the course of the last two weeks back at school I had pieced together some patterns she had, one of which being a libido that was higher than anyone I'd ever met. Hypersexuality wasn't uncommon in survivors of abuse however.

The new magic of the relationship was still strong but she never seemed fully satisfied enough to say no, and each time she shed tears or fell into nervous fear and anxiety, arousal would soon follow. Outside of that she initiated sex at least a couple times a day. When she would sit forward gasping for air between midnight screams of terror that jolted half the floor awake, she would also have a pool of cum gathering at the bed beneath her. Evan had also witnessed her texting him pretty heavily with horny messages, to the point where he wondered what we should do for her.

She looked up at me with the begging that usually started once her pants were soaked through. "Once we get home, pet. I'll take off those restrictive pants and help you." She whined but I shut her down with a firm half smack to the front of her pussy through her jeans. "First we go to the office and get ready to transfer back home in the fall, then we get a few toys okay?"

The show of dominance had left her eyes glazed over with obedience. "Yes Miss."

We walked to the admissions office and spent most of the day talking with various people to make sure everything would go smoothly. Evan was overjoyed when we asked if we could move in with him for the last year of school, sending us both so many messages our phones buzzed for a minute straight. He began planning everything from the room layouts to date schedules like an excited kid.

Paperwork was shuffled, credits counted, tuition compared, and grades evaluated. Stepping out of the office finally, we hugged and kissed in excitement with the advisors watching from the windows. "Let's go get you some toys." Tamara jumped up and down until I hugged her tight so she couldn't, her giggles still escaping as she tried to wrestle free.

She started off in a happy run, having to pause when some of the papers under her arm flew out and scattered just enough for me to catch and tickle her into running as soon as they were collected. Her hands tapped excitedly on the window as I drove her through town, and I caught her looking over with a gushing happy grin multiple times. We pulled in front of the neon lit sign for our local sex shop but Tamara seemed tense as we got out of the car.

Tamara tugged on my shirt gently and when I turned back to ask her what was wrong, she was staring at the doors to the sex shop with a pale expression. "I've never... I mean I never had any reason to go into one of these." She looked genuinely nervous.

"Hold my hand sweetie." The first five minutes or so she couldn't let go of my hand, looking around at everything. We picked up a few items and set them on the counter with a smile from the cashier.

"Exploring?" She asked, scanning and bagging the items.

"Sorta. She's never explored and I'm pretty familiar with it all." The cashier tried to smile at Tamara who was too red to even look back. "Her collar is on the way, so until then it's training time."

"Well if you're brand new to this, I'd grab some of our numbing lube." The already socially mortified Tamara cleared her throat, unable to get words out while I picked up a bottle of the lidocaine filled lube and added it to the total. As I paid the cashier we shared a smile at how nervous Tamara was, so I leaned and kissed the side of her cheek when the woman handed her the bag.

"Was that so bad? Now that you are such a good girl we can take care of you." She walked with the bag in front of her pants so no one could see the stain growing, my pinches and pokes to her ass as she walked making her leap into the air. From behind us the woman at the counter waved goodbye with a big smile.

"Miss!" She tried to cover her butt with her hands and the bag as I pinched around them all the way to the car where she quickly buckled herself in to cover her butt. Tamara was looking at her shoes for most of the drive without a word. Finally she spoke but the question worried me. "We didn't do anything weird right?"

"What? In the shop? Of course not." She looked over at me and then back down to her shoes for another minute before the next question came.

"That cashier isn't going to think of us as freaks?" I looked over at her and then shook my head.

"Oh god no. The people who work in sex shops hear and see things you wouldn't even believe." I felt confident in that from how the middle of Portland was on a normal day.

"Were you nervous the first time you went into one of those? I mean did Evan talk to you about staying away from them?" She wanted to peek in the bag but I took her hand in mine.

"No, not really. When I was about fourteen he gave me a sex talk, gave me a box of condoms and answered some questions I had. First time I went into a sex shop I was about a month on hormones so I didn't feel comfortable yet even on a good day. It took a bit for me to remember that there are people out there who embrace and accept us, perverts or otherwise. A bit overwhelming really." I stroked the back of her hand with my thumb as she thought about it all. She had the look of a kid who had done something wrong and was now frustrated over the guilt. I let her sit and think so she could let the feeling soak in the new experience.

She entered the lobby to my dorm like she was smuggling something and kept the bag tightly held to her body as she bolted for the stairs. I kept pace as we climbed the concrete stairs together, items in the bag squeaking when the packaging rubbed against itself. Running into my room she jumped onto my bed, dumping out the bag.

Eyeing all of the items she seemed a little confused. "What is all this for?"

"Well my subby little pet we have, a magic wand, some training buttplugs for your ass, some nice soft rope, the ballgag of course, a flogger, a pair of suction toys for your nipples, the numbing lube, and an enema kit for cleaning out." I shut the door behind me and opened my arms to pose like a stage magician. She was stunned. She didn't know where to start in the pile of toys. "Was that really your first time in a sex shop? Why do you never watch porn either?"

She flushed and looked away. "I watch porn, sorta. It's not exactly stuff like this."

"What do you watch?" I asked curiously. Tamara said she had an interest in a few kinks but never got to practice them. She shut down, shaking her head furiously. "Well okay we don't have to get into it if you're not ready. How about we start with the gag and see how you like it?"

"What if I want it off?" She asked.

"Glad you asked me that. Since you never played around with the BDSM crowd I have a few techniques that we get to start practicing. The first is red, yellow, and green. It's pretty simple. We can just use the colors or set words for each of your limits. Yellow means you want me to pause and check in with how you're doing through the scene, maybe give you some touches and time to cool off."

"Scene? What's a scene?" She grabbed scissors and began to chop away at the packaging covering most of the toys.

"A scene is a BDSM scene. So if I tied you up and say, made you cum until you couldn't anymore as a form of torture, that would be the scene. You might say yellow if you get overstimulated or scared. If you called red, I would untie you completely and free you. We would be done with anything sex related that night and stick with aftercare. Aftercare is important to help you when you enter drop." She raised her eyebrows at yet another term. "When you cum so hard you forget where you are and the rest of the day you might be emotional or reserved, that's drop. It can stretch on a day or more after if the scene is really intense."

"Okay, I think I will follow. So why all the terms and fluff to it?" I chewed my lip for a minute as I thought on how to answer.

"It's one of the easier ways for the bdsm community to communicate. Bdsm isn't sex, nor intimacy. You can do any of those without involving the other. Evan collaring us means we will have roles, rules, and part of that is all of us practicing so if we want to play with it, we don't hurt each other emotionally or physically. So what do you want to be your words for red and yellow?"

Tamara picked up the flogger and gave it a flick to test the weight of it. "I'm thinking. Does this thing hurt?"

"Give it a soft hit on the forearm and then see how hard it is okay there." She smacked the tails of the flogger against her skin and smiled.

"Catharsis." She said boldly.

"I'm sorry?" I asked as she smacked her arm again with the flogger.

"Catharsis for Red. Velvet for yellow. But you never answered my question, what if I can't speak like with the ballgag?" I snapped my fingers a few times in response to show her.

"Now here's the big thing. Does anything scare you? Like any certain touches I might give you or any phrases? I don't want to remind you of... well whatever happened to you. You don't have to talk about that if you don't want to."

Her eyes went sullen. "Just don't ever call me Tammy please."

"Of course. Is it okay if I hug you?" She set the toys down and put them in a pile next to my bed, pulling me close. I was starting to understand her a little better. A childhood controlled, abused, and without the freedom of exploration left quirks that kept her from ever reaching out. Curling her up like I had the last time, I stroked her hair and softly hummed.

As we rested she heard what sounded like someone walking down the dorm hallway to me, but to her it was an alarm. She jumped, her eyes and expression wide as I tried to show her the door was locke

"Gabby, I'm scared of trees blowing at night. Before spring break I had a big cry because a raccoon scared me to tears with its fat little body and chittering, running with the little demons it had given birth to all the way down the sidewalk. Apparently I can't even buy dildos without getting nervous, and when you're not looking by the way, I get anxious at where I'm supposed to put my hands on you.

I think of how you probably like the affection but I don't want to objectify you but then again we're freshly dating so it's okay to be overly cute." I couldn't keep my smile from growing as I saw how much she clearly suffered in the day to day, but felt happier when we were together. Her rambling was adorable to watch. "It isn't going to keep me from being happy with you."

"Tamara, have you ever talked to someone about...your childhood and all of the things that scare you? I had no idea you were so anxious and worried about everything." I braced for her reaction but she only blinked and looked at me blankly.

"I don't think anyone would believe it if I tried. I dunno Gabby. I'm not ready for that. If you really need to know I -" I held up a finger to her lips and then kissed them.

"Hey. You don't ever have to tell anyone until you feel ready. I trust you with my secrets but you don't have to pour yours out in return ever if you don't feel completely certain you want me or Evan knowing. It isn't going to change how we care about you."

Tamara's eyes saw farther than our room, her eyelids half closed in weary contemplation. She changed the topic quickly to what we had bought from the store and what it was all made of. She asked questions until every little detail of them was exhausted. Each time I would start to drift in the conversation away from how it all works she would ask another question to avoid the topic of her ptsd. Eventually, she went so far as to hold out the ballgag and asked, "Show me how it fits?"

Her walls were thick enough that even the mentioning of her having a childhood turned her a little cold inside, so I surrendered the possibility of trying to talk about it and swallowed my anger over the door. I sat close to her and held up the gag. "Here. Open your mouth nice and wide for me okay? Remember if at any point you want me to pause and comfort you, give me a snap of your fingers. If you want out-"

"I know. Snap repeatedly."

Looping the leather around her head I pushed the ball into her mouth and snapped the buttons on the back shut. The pink silicone ball fit perfectly in her lips. Her mouth was kept in a sweet O shape like she was applying her lipstick. "Let's start with something slow and simple. Get on your hands and knees for me." As she positioned herself I got up and circled the bed to let the tension build. Sliding two fingers across her jeans that tightly held her ass, I put a light smack on her butt.

"This is called a scale." I unbuttoned her pants and yanked them so they were halfway down her thighs. She was starting to pant heavily in anticipation. "I want you to hold up the number of fingers for how high my spanks are on a scale of one to ten. You ready?" She nodded.

I struck her ass on the right side with the front of my hand softly and saw her hold up one finger. The blue panties with little white polka dots to match her nails started to look wet from behind her. The next smack made her hold up three fingers, her breathing starting to pick up in pace. Pulling back my hand I left a print of red where my fingers went over her underwear. I watched her ache to regain her composure. After a few seconds she lifted her right hand and signaled five. The wet in her panties had stretched to cover her pussy. With a hand on each of her asscheeks I spread her so the fuzz on her pussy was visible in all of its sticky wonder. She moaned when the panties were inched down just under her ass with the thick strands of cum like sand in an hourglass.

Another strike against her ass made her trail of cum finally drip before another took its place. Thumping smacks of my hands against her skin made her quiver each time, my focus only on the force in every blow to keep her happy and safe. Taking a few fingers and slathering them in her messy hole while she cried out into the gag, I leaned forward to mount her through my pants and smeared it across her lips and face. "Your pussy is just endless. I bet I could wipe your body down in all of that sweet juice it makes and it would still have more."