Desperately Seeing Pleasure

Vanessa watched sadly as all her friends paired off with their boyfriends to dance. She had come alone. By choice of course. Still. It was a little sad watching couples dance as she sat at one of the small two person tables.

This was the last straw. One way or another, she was going to find out how to get a boyfriend. She hated being alone on Valentine's day. She hated sitting with her friends at the lunch table, and seeing them talk about their boyfriends.

"Hey, Vanessa." Said a voice as she sat there.

It was a boy from her fourth period Psychology class. She smiled at him. She liked him well enough.

"You here with anyone?" she asked.

"No." he said smiling down at the ground. "I was going to ask someone, but chickened out. You?" he asked.

"No. Hey, wanna go get some fresh air?" she asked.

They went to sit outside in the court yard. He noticed she wasn't looking too happy.

"I'm lagging behind in all the fun." She said as they sat down with their drinks. "Everyone has a boyfriend or girlfriend, and I'm just single. It makes me feel like a weirdo." She confessed.

"Why?" Kevin asked. "Do you feel lonely?"

"No. But everyone else has someone. They look at me strangely because I don't. They look at me strangely because I'm different."

"You are pretty weird." Kevin said gently. "Just kidding." He saw the expression on her face.

"I think I need to go to therapy." She said as she took a sip of her soda. "I think my emotions are broken."

"How about, you're not ready to have a boyfriend?" Kevin said sadly. "Nothing is wrong with you. Eventually, you'll get comfortable enough to ask whoever it is you're attracted to."

That's it. She had never managed to find someone attractive in all these years. Not even a fake middle school romance. She just felt sadder thinking about this.

"Who were you going to ask?" she asked.

"I wanted to ask Selia." He muttered. "In our class."

"You dodged rejection." Vanessa said grinning. "She came with Sam."

"Those two really need to make it official." He muttered. "They break up and get back together every four weeks."

She went home sad that night. She came in around two in the morning. She'd gone to dinner alone. She stopped at a Denny's and got some breakfast. She thought about her situation as she ate.

Her friends knew about her. Or at least, three of her closest friends. She never had been attracted to anyone. She didn't want to date, she didn't want to experiment. She never talked about crushes on celebrities like others did. She didn't talk about teachers the way some girls sometimes do. She never got a crush or infatuation for anyone. Today, it all came crashing down on her.

Was she a freak? Was there something wrong or missing inside her? She felt curious. Yet, not curious enough. She was curious for the wrong reasons. She just wanted to find out what was wrong so she could get her friends to include her in their conversations. She felt indifferent about the fact that she had never dated.

"Hey, Vanessa." Said a soft voice as she walked into the house. Her uncle Cory was in the kitchen. He had a bowl of food in his hand. "How was the prom?" he asked as she hung up her coat.

"It was meh. I guess I expected more."

"Did you dance with anyone?" he asked.

"Not even once."

Cory couldn't understand it. She was so pretty. She had waist length black hair, pretty unusual blue eyes. She was perfect. She has a perfect round ass, and full C cups. He knew her size because he'd over heard her talking to a friend once. She had been in the kitchen and he had walked in on her talking.

"Wanna come downstairs and watch a movie with me?" he whispered.

"You know mom." Vanessa said grinning.

Vanessa's mom didn't very much like her brother. Her father was another story. He loved Cordilia's brother. He and Cory did stuff together all the time.

Her mom hated him. She was the younger one, and he had gotten a lot of attention during their child hood. He was older by five years.

Vanessa was told never to go downstairs at night. She had been caught at least three times. Her mother was livid. She would ground her for a few weeks, and she'd have a fight with Cory. Stuart often tried to smooth things over, but Cordilia didn't budge.

She wouldn't let Vanessa have a car or a smart phone. She had a basic flip phone, and drove her parents' car when it was available. Which was hardly ever.

It didn't matter though. As the years went by, the others got serious about their relationships. She didn't hang out with friends as much as she used to. So she didn't really have a need for the car.

Her father had convinced Cordilia to let Vanessa have a bike. She really liked it. She was very glad to have even one mode of transportation out of her house.

"Well, yeah. Oh well. I guess we can watch something tomorrow." He said smiling. "You can tell me about the prom then."

For the next few weeks, she was silent with her friends. She wanted to figure herself out. She wanted to figure out why no one was attractive to her. She biked to and from school. Summer was coming so the weather was pretty good. She reflected as she rode.

"Mom?" she asked one day after school. She was in the kitchen helping her get ready for dinner.

"Yes?" her mom asked sternly. She was a very no non-sense type of woman. She was always snappy and cold to everyone. Including her husband.

"How did you meet dad?"

"Oh, Vanessa. We met in middle school." She sighed as she cut the potatoes. "He was going out with this other girl, I really hated. He dumped her, and we hooked up. We realized we weren't a match. But mom and his family really wanted us to get together. So here we are."

Vanessa felt her stomach drop. "Mom, that's not true." She said with a grin. "You love dad."

"I do. I love your father. But I still don't think we're compatible."

She went on a rant about how he never took her dancing, or got her flowers. He never took her on nice dates, or gave her breakfast in bed. All things Vanessa had heard before. Same song and dance. She regretted asking her the question.

"Watch that blood pressure, Cordilia." Cory said as he walked in.

"Go get the rest of the pet food out of the car." She snapped. "I asked Stu to do it, but he never listens to me. I ask him to do all this stuff...."

Vanessa and Cory started doing their tasks and tuning her out. It didn't matter if they did, she followed a script. They knew what to say and when. He left to get the pet food shortly after.

A few days later, she went online and read all about sex and romantic attraction. If only there was a way to experience sex, without needing to be in love? But her mom would kill her. She kept a close eye on her anyway. How would Vanessa ever pull it off? Her curfew was at nine for crying out loud.

She stumbled on a website all about asexuality. She felt like the words leapt out at her from the screen. She felt something click inside her.

She must be asexual. This is why she never got boyfriends. It just wasn't arousing to her. She wondered if she should talk to her mom, or stew on it for a while and see what happened. She settled on the second option. No need to alarm and piss off her mother if that wasn't really what it was.

"Savana?" she asked one day as she walked out of the school. "Can I come over to your house? I need to talk to someone."

She called her mom. Cordilia picked up at the first ring. Vanessa asked if she could go to her friend's house.

"I want a picture when you get there."

"Oh my gods. Your mom sounds more unbelievable every day." Savana muttered as she and Vanessa walked home.

She talked for a long time. They talked about LGBT issues. They talked about how sex was like. She noticed Savana was bright red when they talked about sex. Vanessa must not care as much, because she didn't feel a flush or anything different.

"My mom would kill me if I even whisper the word sex." Vanessa said sadly. "Hell, I bet my phone has eyes and ears all the time."

"I've known your family for seven years." Savana muttered. "Your mom is one of the strictest moms I've ever known."

"Which reminds me." Vanessa sighed as she pulled out her phone. "I should probably go. I have to be home for dinner."

She couldn't stop thinking about what Savana had said. Asexual people can still have sex. She just had to find someone she trusted to do it with. She wondered if she was ever going to be attracted to anyone romantically. She was so glad to have talked to Savana though. This was normal. Asexuality was real.

She looked and looked everywhere for that special someone. She couldn't find anyone. All the boys were so immature. All the girls were straight. She feared she'd never be able to experience this.

"What is this obsession with sex you're all of a sudden on?" Savana asked. They were eating lunch in Savana's car.

"Ever since the prom, I've been thinking about how different I am." Vanessa said sadly. "I'm not lonely, but I see all of you getting into relationships and I wonder if I'll ever get there. I mean, if I'm honest with myself, it all doesn't matter. I guess I just want to be included."

"Oh, Vanessa. Don't have sex just to be included. It's not supposed to be like that. It's supposed to be special."

"You've had sex." Vanessa said bluntly.

"I've also been with James for six years." Savana said smiling at her friend.

"Have you ever wanted to try it with a girl?" Vanessa asked a few moments later.

"No. I've just not felt the desire."

"If you're going to hang out, you'll do it in the living room."

Cory was trying to talk to Vanessa. He noticed she was very sad lately. Or at least, spending too much time in her own head. He had also seen what she'd looked at on his laptop. She of course, didn't have her own.

"She'll be fine, Cordilia." Cory said sadly. "I'm not going to do anything to her. This controlling behavior has got to stop."

"When your dad gets home, young lady." She said softly.

So they went to the basement. They did leave the door open. The sounds of the kitchen came through as they sat there. Her mom peaked her head in once in a while.

"How are you, kiddo?" he asked as they sat on the small couch. "I looked at your browsing history."

"Oh." She said as her body froze. "No one was supposed to know about that 'til I was ready."

"Well, I won't tell. I'm interested to know how you reached this conclusion."

They couldn't talk about it further. Her mom was over there, and her dad had come home. She was forced to retire to her room. She had only gotten about three minutes alone with him.

Cordilia's mood lifted as they all gathered around the table to eat. Her family was all here. Vanessa, Cory, and her wonderful husband. She was happy.

She thought about the pair of them. Vanessa and Cory. She felt a little on edge. She had been around a lot of friends who had brothers that molested their children. Both boys and girls. She swore that was not going to be her little girl. She wished she could have home schooled her, but her father said no.

There was a vibe about the two of them when they were together. She often caught Cory and Vanessa in hugs that went on for longer than normal. That made her very uncomfortable. She would sit in between her father and Cory when they all watched TV. They were just too damn comfortable with each other.

Vanessa was Cordilia's only child. She had suffered a back injury a while ago, and could not have children again. Her husband was also injured in the accident, but only broke his ribs.

She wanted to keep Vanessa a treasure for a long time. Or at least, until she got a boyfriend. She was told she couldn't get a boyfriend until she was twenty-one. Her father and uncle were a little upset, but they didn't give birth to her. They were not the ones who were responsible for her safety and well-being.

She never seemed to rebel against Cordilia. She never was caught having a boyfriend, or doing drugs. She was such a good girl. Came home right after the parties. She never smelled like liquor, which Cordilia was afraid would happen if she went to the prom.

"I told you I don't want you encouraging them!" Cordilia yelled one day as Stu tried to reason with her about letting Cory and Vanessa hang out.

"He's your brother for goodness sake!" Stu said as he helped put the food away. "Cordilia, he's not going to do anything to her. He's not that kind of guy."

"I don't want Cory hanging out with Vanessa. End of story. If they have to hang out, the damn door better stay open in the basement, or I'm throwing him out."

That summer, Vanessa wanted to enroll in college. She wanted to go to college out of the city. She wanted to go to a place she could live on campus.

Her mom fought so hard for this not to be a thing. She knew if Vanessa went away, she would for sure lose her virginity. She wanted to scream at her father for giving her the tuition money to go. They all got into giant fights that whole week.

Vanessa had to get out. If she didn't, she would never be able to experience life. Life included sex. She really wanted to experience that. She couldn't wait until she was twenty-one. Nineteen was enough.

For the fourth of July, her parents had a party. Her uncle wasn't a party type of person, so he hid in the basement the whole time. Vanessa took advantage of her mom being preoccupied. She went out the front door and called out she was going to go for a walk. If looks could kill. Her mom's look was so icy as Vanessa left. She was trying not to be angry in front of party guests.

Vanessa went around to the back of the house, and down the cement steps to the basement entrance. She gently nocked on his door. She could hear his TV going on in the room.

Cory had been watching a movie. He pulled open the door, and smiled as she came in. He assured her his other door was locked. Her mom could not come in suddenly.

They both talked about how strict she was for a long time. Vanessa venting about all the things she couldn't do. Cory let her know it was for her own good. She told him about her plan to find someone to have sex with her.

"Vanessa, you can't just go doing that." Corry said as his heart skipped a beat. He felt very upset at thinking about boys invading her privacy like that. "You have to make sure it's special."

"Everyone keeps saying that." Vanessa said bitterly. "But I don't have anyone special in my circle to do this with."

"Just be patient. When you go off to college, you'll make more friends and find someone."

"If sex is so special, how come you and a lot of others are not together with your first partners?"

"Well," He had no idea how to answer that. "Vanessa, a lot of us did it with people we'd known for a long time. I mean, my first experience was with a lady I knew in college. We'd known each other for four years, and went out. Then we had our first sexual encounter."

She left a few hours later. Her mom never the wiser about where she'd been. Vanessa made it through the front door, and ran up to her room. Her mom was in the kitchen with one more guest. Vanessa caught her eye. She looked happy to see her. Relief showed all over her face.

Cory thought a lot about what Vanessa had told him. He felt very uneasy. He hoped she wouldn't do anything drastic and have sex with just anyone.

Vanessa went off to college. Her family was all sad to see her go. Her mom hardly said a word to her. She was so mad.

"Let it go Cordilia." Stuart said bitterly as they drove back home. "This way, she doesn't run away from us. At least now, we get holidays and birthdays maybe. You go out there, and start a fight, and I lose my girl."

She got herself a smart phone with the job she got a month after she arrived. She started herself on birth control, in case that time came. She told only her uncle, and Savana. Her uncle was a little relieved. Savana warned her not to go doing something stupid. She discussed sexually transmitted infections.

"I'm not stupid, Savana." Vanessa said giggling. "We went through the same sex ed."

"Well, you're handling this the wrong way. Make friends on campus. Give it a while Vanessa. You'll find someone to experience it if you just wait."

She came home for Halloween. Her mom was so happy to see her. They talked a lot about college life and Vanessa's health. Her mom hinted at wanting to know if she'd had sex yet. Vanessa told her she hadn't. The relief she showed was interesting.

She relaxed on things now. She let Vanessa hang out with Cory whenever she wanted. They hung out in the living room, in the basement. They hung out in the basement with the door closed. Cordilia was about to retract her willingness to let them hang out. Stu stepped in.

"Cordilia, Cory is one of the nicest men I know. Do you really think he'd do anything to hurt Vanessa?"

"Oh Stu. I just worry. She's my little girl. You have to admit too, she's sexy. If I was Cory I'd be all over her."

"Cordilia, please." Stu said bitterly. "You act like men don't have control over what they do."

"Don't watch too many scary movies." Cordilia said as she came to check on Vanessa and Cory. She and Stu went to a Halloween party.

Vanessa was feeling very cozy with her uncle. She was sitting next to him on the bed. She felt a warmth settle in her stomach as they watched TV. She wanted to lean against him, or cuddle him. How should she ask?

She adjusted herself and wormed her way under his arm and settled against him. He smiled as he continued to watch the movie. He buried his hands in her hair at one point. The strands so soft and long.

Soon, Vanessa was asleep in his arms. Cory felt a rush of happiness as he watched her sleep. He was so happy at having overheard she still hadn't had sex.

She woke up fifteen minutes later and they both climbed under the covers. She snuggled up to him, laying her head on his chest. She could hear his heart beating slowly under her.

Cory felt himself getting flushed and a little aroused. He hoped he wouldn't get an erection. She'd surely run away. He tried to pay attention to the movie.

He felt a hand slide gently over his hard penis. He looked down, and saw Vanessa stroking him through his clothes. He gasped.

"Nessa," he said softly. "We can't do that, honey. This very thing is what your mom was trying to prevent."

"Who better than you to experience this with?" she whispered as she climbed on top of him.

"Oh Nessa." He moaned as he felt her pelvis meet his. He moaned as he felt his penis hardening a little more. He sighed content.

She gently moved her hips, grinding gently against him. She looked into his eyes as she lay on him. She finally leaned down, and they began to kiss.

Cory felt more blood rushing to his pelvis as he entered her mouth with his tongue. She slid hers against him, both of them moaning softly into the kiss. He was suddenly overcome with a desire to have this sexy girl. Such a sexy nineteen year old girl.

Vanessa sighed gently as they continued to kiss. She thought she'd be disgusted by the kissing. Instead though, she felt even more aroused. She pushed his tongue back into his mouth and entered him. He sighed as she relaxed her full sexy lips into his. Cory moaned. For someone who had no experience, she was doing pretty good.

There was a loud crash upstairs. They both gasped.

"I'm glad we didn't take off our clothes." Vanessa said softly as she got off him and ran to open the door before her mom saw it was closed.

Cory was leaking when she left. He closed and locked his door after saying good night. Then he thought about the kissing as he masturbated furiously. He had such a good orgasm.

Vanessa was the same. She went to her room thinking about that kiss, and the feelings in her stomach and vagina. She knew this was wrong. So wrong. But she really loved her uncle, and she really wanted to experience sex. Why is it wrong? No one was getting hurt.