Death & Love

This is the fifth and final chapter in the Death & Love series, after this I will be moving onto my next series – but more about that at the end. I want to thank everyone who commented on the story and the advice I was giving and I hope you all like this ending.

They say when you die your life flashes before your eyes, bullshit; all I saw was a white light. I guess I shouldn't have expected much. Through the whiteness I heard a dull voice.

'Caleb?'

It was a man's voice definitively, hard to hear but I recognized my name.

'Caleb, can you hear me?'

I'm not a man of faith but I couldn't deny the possibility that God was talking to me. So why did God sound like Doctor Freeman? The white light moved, a sharp pain came across me face like I'd been slapped.

'Caleb wake up, can you hear me.'

My eyes adjusted to my surroundings, I was still at home, on the couch; Doctor Freeman is kneeling beside me holding a torch, to his left I see Billie she's obviously been crying heavily. When she sees me stir awake I can see she's restraining herself from jumping over to kiss me. Doc's got a smile on his face.

'Welcome back Caleb, we thought we'd lost you.'

'What happened?' I sit up my head still has a numbing pain.

'Your brain happened, something inside triggered your disease and it tried to kill you, you were out at least an hour. You're very lucky your sister called me when she did.'

'I panicked Cay.' Billie's voice was trembling; the whole event must have terrified her. 'I know you said to call an ambulance but Doctor Freeman was easier to reach and I knew he could help more.'

'It's ok Billie I'm alive ain't I. Come here.'

My shaken sister walked carefully over to me and welcomed my hug, reassuring her I was alright. She was surprised when I kissed her in front of the Doc.

'Cay...'

'It's alright Billie he knows, even if he didn't I don't care. Christ you look exhausted, go up to bed I'll join you later.'

Billie was too tired to argue, she just went upstairs and straight to bed. I turned to the Doc.

'Thanks Doc, I know we've had our disagreements but you did save me so thanks.'

'Caleb I'm not your doctor anymore remember, call me Gordon.'

'Ok, Gordon. Call me Cay.'

'Cay I'm going to be honest with you; what happened to you today, should have killed you.'

'What, but you said...'

'When I arrived and your sister told me what happened I had you pegged for dead, I could do nothing. All I did was give you morphine and occasionally try to wake you, I only stayed because you had a pulse if that went I would have pronounced you dead without hesitation.'

'Shit, how did I survive?''

'Cay have you heard the medical term 'Higher Power?' It's not a legit medical term but it's what doctor's use to explain how a patient who faced impossible odds survived, much like you did today.'

'Doc you're not going to get into a conversation about faith are you, no offence but with my shit I ain't exactly a religious man.'

'I'm just saying you being here is a miracle, a lot of doctors turn religious when they witness their first one. They believe that person has survived because they have a purpose to fulfil. Of course being a doctor your faith is shattered just as quickly as it's built, I'm lucky to have survived over twenty years without losing mine.'

I kept thinking about what Doc said about a purpose, I remembered what Billie told me just before I passed out. 'Doc I think you might be right about the purpose thing. Just before I went Billie told me, she told me she was pregnant.'

Doc said nothing but a small smile went across his mouth, he got up, patted me on the shoulder, said his goodbyes and left. I don't know why, maybe he knew it was a controversial discussion between us, maybe he didn't want to talk about it. Hell maybe this was him giving his blessing by not disowning us, whatever his reason I'm glad he didn't make a big deal out of it. I'm still not a religious man but before I went upstairs to join Billie I prayed to God, thanking him for saving me, I then asked if he could keep me alive long enough to see my child. Going upstairs I caught myself with the widest grin on my face, I was going to be a dad.

I awoke early the next morning, despite that Billie was still up before me. I put on a dressing gown and head downstairs to find her; she's in the kitchen pouring herself a drink while humming 'God Only Knows.' I look her over; she's wearing her nightie, her short, see-through nightie that I caught her in so many times before we were together. I just stand there watching her for a while, she notices me after a while and smiles, her eyes never leaving mine Billie reaches up to a cupboard, the nightie lifting with her arms and her bare arse revealing itself to me. That was enough for me, I strolled to her and hug her from behind, kissing her neck and staying like that.

'Morning.' Her voice was soft and breathy.

'Morning to you, that was a crazy night.'

'Cay I don't care what happened last night. That fact that your alive means more to me than you know.'

'I bet, especially since your carrying an extra weight around.'

My hands wandered down to just below her stomach and held themselves there so Billie knew what I was talking about.

'Ah, I didn't know if you'd heard me or not. While you were out at Jane's I took a test, I would have told you sooner but I wanted to say it to your face and I feel asleep waiting for you. I took another one this morning to be sure, positive.'

'We did it Billie, the both of us. We're going to be parents, I can't wait.'

'Oh please Cay, you're just waiting for me to get extra horny.'

'Well that's definitely a plus but it's just an extra.'

Billie turned around so she was facing me, we kissed, a kiss that just kept going. Billie hopped herself onto the kitchen counter so she was sitting on it, she scooted her nightie up so her bottom and by definition her pussy were both free but she kept it on. I threw off my dressing gown and dropped my trousers, I was already hard from Billie's earlier show, as I slowly began to fuck Billie we never stopped kissing, once in Billie wrapped her legs around me, using them to pull me in closer as we fucked on the counter. Through the whole thing we never stopped kissing, I only noticed her cum when she started moaning in my mouth, I came not long afterwards and then, both in post-coital bliss, we held each other. I couldn't help but laugh.

'If you weren't pregnant that oughta do it.'

'Fuck, I just thought of mum.'

'Totally different wavelengths here Billie.'

'Fuck off Cay, I mean I just thought of telling mum about this. I can't tell her this is some stranger's baby she'll make me abort it, then again I can't tell her it's yours she do the same thing.'

'We'll tell her together, if she doesn't like it who cares, this is our baby and we'll love it no matter.'

Knowing she'd have my support Billie hugged me tighter, in my ear I heard her whisper.

'God only knows, what I'd be without you.'

Billie then jumped off the counter and lead me upstairs to her bedroom, her nightie was taken off on the stairs and left there.

FEBRUARY

We waited a few weeks before deciding to tell mum, we needed to ready ourselves as much as possible, go through every possible scenario to make sure we could convince her we were having this baby. We found a day when we could meet, Billie and I went round to her house, mum was there with Richard who by now was staying over ever second day, neither of us knew how he would react.

'What is with you two, I haven't seen either of you since Christmas, have been avoiding me?' For some reason mum couldn't see the never-ending worry on our faces.

'Well mum.' Billie was the one who spoke, she kept her eyes on the ground the whole time. 'I have some news, some big news. Ok, um, I'm... I'm, God. I'm pregnant.'

We both looked at mum, her face was a mixture of surprise, confusion and happiness.

'Oh, Billie that's fantastic news, how far are you, who's the father?'

'I'm a couple of weeks along and...' At this Billie held my hand, her fingers locked in mine as we watched the happiness drain out mum's face.

'You?'

I simply nodded.

'You sick perverted freak.' There was hate and disgust in mum's voice. 'Who do you think you are taking advantage of your sister like that?'

'Mum I didn't take advantage...'

'Don't give me excuses, you've tainted her, you disgusting freak. Come here Billie, we'll get rid of that abomination inside you, I knew letting you stay with him would be trouble. He's just like his father, his own life's ruined so he has to destroy those around him.'

Billie stood up but instead of going with mum she stayed with me, her eyes filling with tears over what mum had said about me and dad. 'No mum, I love him and I'm having this baby whether you like it or not.'

'You don't know what love is, he's tainted you.'

'No mum, I've loved him for years, I fell in love with him first he didn't even notice until last summer. I wanted this baby first and there's no way in hell I'm giving up the greatest thing that's ever happened to me.'

Mum's anger had turned to complete shock, she couldn't believe what she was hearing. 'What have you two done with my children, my two normal children who aren't freaks or tramps?'

Billie tried to get in closer to mum but mum did something none of us expected, she slapped Billie away. The red mark on her face was bright and painful even to look at, Billie just ran away in tears to the car outside. I lost it with mum.

'Are you happy now you selfish cunt?' I didn't mean to call her that but I was so angry, my voice was nothing but venom. 'Why can't you just be happy for us, or at least excepting? Couldn't you see that I love her, can't you understand that I found someone who not only loves me despite this bastard in my head but also fears for my death because she can't bear being without me. It wasn't my sister it was the kindest, most beautiful woman in the world called Billie Dawltry and it's my curse that she's my sister. I love Billie mum, I want to be with her, I want to marry her I want to have any and all my children with her and I want to be in her arms when I finally die, we're having this baby whether you like it or not and if you can't get off you fucking self righteous fucking high horse it's your loss.'

I just left mum in that state of disbelief, I was still furious with her and couldn't bear looking at her. I was out the house and halfway across the garden when Richard, who'd remained silent through the whole ordeal, chased after me.

'Caleb, wait.'

'I don't want to hear it Richard, I don't care what you or her has to say, nobody treats Billie like that especially not her own mother. So if you're here to preach then please just go back inside.'

'Caleb, I'm not here to judge, rather I'm here to congratulate.'

'What.'

'Let me tell you something, growing up my father was just like you, a writer. He worked for Disney and every night he would tell me a story, I grew up believing in true love and I thought I found it; you mother isn't the only one to have a ruined marriage but while hers was destroyed by death mine's was some rich bastard across the street.'

'I'm sorry to hear that Richard.'

'It's fine, the point is despite that I never stopped believing in true love and just looking at you and Billie I can see I was right. Look I'll talk to your mother, try and get her to not overreact, you look after Billie and your baby.'

'Thanks Richard, you don't need to do this.'

'I want to Caleb, I want to be part of your life and I want you not to resent me.'

'Done.'

We both turned to go in our opposite directions, that is until Richard called me again. 'Oh Caleb, I have a cousin who got ordained as a joke, he's got no morals so with a little persuasion he might talk to you and Billie, just some friendly info.'

I was so amazed at how well Richard was taking this whole thing, he'd been in our family less than four months and already there was so much shit going on. I suppose I should be grateful. I got back in the car where a still crying Billie was waiting.

'That bitch, I knew she wouldn't like us but she went too far. Where the hell does she get off badmouthing dad?'

'You gotta remember Billie that dad never told mum about his condition until after I was born, she probably still resents him for that. She loved sure but she believes he ruined her life with his early death and ruined mine for the same reason.'

'That's ridiculous.' Billie wiped her eyes and sat up. 'What did Richard want?'

'He congratulated us, basically said he was ok with us having a baby together. I think he even hinted at getting someone to marry us legally.'

Billie sat up. 'You serious?'

'Damn right.' Reaching into my pocket I pulled out T.J. and Jane's wedding rings. 'I bought these off Jane, she was just going to throw them away but I had a better use for them. Billie Dawltry, will you marry me, for real this time?'

Billie didn't answer but I took her jumping on me as a yes. After she'd kissed me she put her ring on, she was nearly crying as she did. Looking back we saw mum at the window having just witnessed our engagement. Billie took this opportunity and flipped mum the bird using her ring finger, we both laughed as I drove off.

MARCH

By this point Billie was beginning to show a small bump but thankfully it was easily hidden from most people, note I said most. A few days into March and suddenly a very angry Heather appears at our house demanding to see Billie.

'Billie what the hell is going on?'

'What do you mean Hezz?'

'You know damn well what I mean, that thing in your stomach, don't tell me your smuggling pillows. I can see right through Billie, no-one else can but I can. So just tell me the truth.'

During this whole conversation I was upstairs, eavesdropping on the whole thing.

'Sit down Hezz, you know your my best friend right.'

'Yeah.'

'Well, you're right. I'm pregnant.'

'I knew it, God Billie why didn't you tell me, who's the father?'

'The father's the reason I didn't tell you. He's someone I love, someone I care about deeply. Make me a promise Hezz, promise me that what I tell you now remains a secret.'

'I promise. So who is he?'

'Caleb.'

'Caleb? Cal... Caleb! Billie please tell me it isn't who I think it is.'

'It is.'

'Jesus Christ. Billie what were you thinking, getting knocked up by your brother that's sick. I, I gotta get out of here.'

'Hezz please, look at this from my view. I love my brother but I'm going to lose him and I haven't been able to accept that. Remember what happened with Carol?'

'What's Carol's death got to do with this?'

'You were there, we both were. We watched Carol get hit by that car we watched her die, and that terrified me, I've never been able to get over that fear. I get the same fear whenever I think about losing Cay.'

'That still doesn't justify this.'

'Let me finish, I wanted to show Caleb how much I loved him, I wanted to be with him in the closest way possible. Think about it Hezz you know how long I've been in love with him.'

'Ok, what's with the baby though?'

'That was our idea, we both wanted it. The engagement however was mine.'

Heather nearly jumped out her skin when she heard me. 'Fuck Cay, I'm already on edge with this news. Did you say engagement?'

'Yes, we found a way and we're going through with it. I hope you won't judge us too harshly.'

Heather was still in shock, she just sat there saying nothing. Billie took Heather's hand and held it.

'Hezz, I love you and I hope you won't think less of us for this. If you can't accept this I won't stop you leaving, but if you can find it in your heart to acknowledge our relationship then I would love for you to be at our wedding as my maid of honour.'

Despite the massive shock that Heather had just got the fact that her friend wanted her there for the most important day of her life meant everything. Suddenly the whole incest subject was thrown out the window and there was just the two of them, and me but my only role was to show up.

'Damn it Billie I love you too much to hate you. Of course I'll be there.'

The two friends hugged, Heather then walked over and stood in front of me. 'This is totally weird but thinking about it I'm surprised you two didn't do this sooner. Look after her won't you.'

'Of course.'

Heather hugged me, it surprised me but I didn't stop her. After she'd finished she left us, I sat down next to Billie. 'She took that pretty well.'

'Hezz has been my friend too long to hate me, you give her time and she'll fully accept our relationship. Much more than mum would.'

'Billie stop that, this is big for mum her two children are getting married and having a baby it's a lot to deal with. Just be thankful that Richard is giving us a minister.'

'God don't mention our wedding, this is going to be tough, it'll be expensive, plus we got a kid coming. Let's take the bets now what will come first the wedding or the kid?'

'Calm down Billie, one thing at a time. Fiver on the kid coming first.'

Billie lightly slapped my arm but rectified it with a kiss, we went to bed that night not caring about any of our problems.

JULY

For the next few months it was just me and Billie, Heather and her girlfriend, Amanda stopped by a few times and Richard came round to tell us he'd sorted things out with mum – although she refused to talk to us about our relationship – but mostly it was just the two of us. By now Billie couldn't hide the fact that she was pregnant and soon enough the rumours started around her university, thank God for Heather who quenched the more revolting ones and made a lie telling the students that Billie had a one night stand with an up-and-coming band member, she got pregnant but didn't know until he was off on tour. It was a weak lie but with the amount of unheard bands that came through the city no-one questioned it, a few fellow students even asked for a sample CD. I will say this, what they say about pregnant woman being horny as hell; they weren't lying. Good God did Billie get randy I mean before we would have sex every couple of days but now, for the first time in my life, I was actually trying to avoid Billie to give myself a rest. Unfortunately Billie's other hormones sky-rocketed as well, one minute she would be all over me the next she would be furious, the next crying then back on me I couldn't keep up. She complained a lot more but I stayed quiet and let her vent, after I moaned about my condition for several years she deserved her own rant every now and then. However there was one complaint I could never stay quiet for, one complaint that came up constantly and every time I had to disagree with her. The complaint had been referenced a few times during the pregnancy but the first time it actually came up was in the first week of July, the sun was shining in the early morning sky, I was lying on the bed half asleep and Billie was standing in front of the mirror looking over herself. That's when she asked me the million pound question.

'Do I look fat?'

I'd be hard pressed to find another time I was that terrified. I sat up and looked Billie over, she was standing there naked with one arm under her pregnancy bump. She had definitely grown but she wasn't fat, sure her breasts had increased – unquestionably a plus – amongst other parts of her that were larger than before but she not fat, in fact she was more beautiful than ever. I just sat there looking at this, Goddess in front of me; her long, curly, golden brown hair framed her angelic face, her deep green eyes held a feeling of uncertainty and fear as she waited for an answer. For the past few weeks Billie had spent some time outside, a few minutes a day so as not to harm the baby, and had built up an amazing tan giving her skin a light bronze look to it, combined with a thin sheen of sweat she had from the heat and when the light hit her right she had a gorgeous glow to her. I swear my mouth fell open.