Death & Love

I would like to thank the support Ch.3 got and the suggestions made. Those who commented advised me to ignore any negative comments but I believe in giving feedback on the feedback, if someone has a problem I prefer to explain instead of completely ignoring them, some of them might have interesting ideas in which to improve the story.

This is the penultimate chapter of Death & Love, after this there will be one more chapter before moving onto my next series. I wanted to get this out the way quickly because I've got a lot going on a uni right now and it'll take a while to write the last chapter.

Just as an advisement there isn't a lot of sexual or erotic elements in this chapter, rather this is a much more personal chapter for Caleb as he and Billie deal with the aftermath of Vincent. I recommend you do read it though as the ending has a major turning point in the story.

*

I sat on the uncomfortable sofa, tired but wide awake at the same time. I looked around the small cafe, completely empty apart from me and a sleeping Billie who was lying across my lap, I gently stroked her hair as we waited. We had been in the police department for the past 12 hours answering questions, waiting for them to examine evidence, hoping they would believe Vincent's death was self-defence. I looked back on all the questions I'd been asked.

'Why did your sister attack Moreno?'

'He was chocking me, trying to kill me.'

'Why was he trying to kill you?'

'I found out he killed my friend.'

'How did you find out?'

'The things he said give it away, when he jumped me he admitted it, said he was going to kill me then rape and kill my sister.'

'How do you know that?'

'He said he was going to, I believed him.'

'Why did your sister hit him with a mirror?'

'I don't know you'll have to ask her.'

This went on for hours, I don't know how Billie's questioning went but when we were both released from our rooms she was close to tears. We managed to keep our illicit relationship hidden helped by the fact the police didn't ask about why Vincent killed T.J., they probably assumed we wouldn't know.

It was nearing 3 in the morning when a female officer walked into the cafe, she was present at my interrogation and I knew she was kind and considering. She pulled a chair alongside the sofa.

'How is she?' She asked softly.

'Tired, we both are but I've gotta stay up.'

'Why's that?'

'Protect her; make sure no-one harms her.'

'You seem to really care about her.'

'I do, she's my everything. If anyone harmed my sister in any way I could never forgive myself; that's why I hated Vincent, he tried to harm her but she got lucky.'

'That's actually why I came here, you're free to go.'

'What?'

'That's right; you're both acquitted of all charges. We did some digging, you were right about your friend he was murdered by Vincent, D.N.A. proved it. We also linked Vincent to an unsolved rape case from a couple of years ago, we interviewed his mother who told us he had been seeing a psychiatrist who told us Vincent was a prime candidate for committing crimes, add to that that he's killed and raped before and your sister made the right decision in defending you both. She didn't mean to kill him only save you, his death was an unfortunate accident from the weather, far as we can tell no crime was committed.'

'You mean it?'

'Absolutely, the only thing we have is assault for your sister using a mirror but no-one's going to charge her for that. You can leave anytime you want, would you like me to phone your mother.'

'No thanks, I called her earlier; she's at an office party. I explained our situation and told her I'd handle it. I'll call a taxi.'

'Ok.'

The officer left, what a relief that was, Vincent gone and we were both safe, for once everything was going our way. I lifted Billie up and skilfully got off the sofa, however the movement still woke Billie.

'Hmm, Cay? What's going on?'

'Shh, back to sleep. I'm going to phone a taxi. We're allowed to go home, they're not charging us.'

'Oh, that's great. Wake me up when it arrives please.'

'Sure.'

I kissed Billie's forehead and let her drift back to sleep, outside I called the taxi from my mobile.

'Hello All The Fours Taxis how can I help.'

'Yeah, can I get a taxi for two from the Glasgow Central Police Department please?'

'Certainly sir can I just have your name and destination?'

'Yeah, my name's Caleb Dawltry and I'm going to...'

My mind drew another blank; I suddenly couldn't remember where home was.

'Can you give me a second to check something?'

I quickly pulled my driver's licence out my wallet and gave my address; the taxi wouldn't take long due to the early time. After I'd put the phone back in my pocket I turned and put my head against the wall in a state of anguish. I kept saying to myself 'Not again, I can't deal with this now. Please God not now.' After everything that'd happened I couldn't deal with anymore brain shit.

Billie was still asleep when the taxi arrived so I carried her out and placed her in her seat gently, the ride was short and uneventful, the driver looked back a few times but he said nothing, I guess he thought we were both exhausted which we were. Billie woke up a few streets away from the house and took a minute to realise where we were, she was obviously happy to be out of the station but there was something in her eyes that still seemed sad. When we got back I paid the driver and helped Billie inside, the crime scene investigators who has swarmed our house that afternoon had packed and gone. I helped a falling to sleep Billie to her room and laid her down on her bed, I didn't bother to change her and just left her in her clothes. I was just about to leave when I heard her speak.

'Cay, please don't leave.' Her voice was timid and scared. 'I want to be with someone, to hold someone, someone I know will always love me.'

I turned around to face her. 'I will, I've just got to get washed then I'll be back.'

'Promise me something Cay, promise me that no matter what happens between us, no matter what either of us do you will always love me.'

I was thrown back by her ask but I accepted. 'Of course Billie, I'll always love you.'

'Good, then I have to confess. When the police asked why I hit Vincent with a mirror I told them I panicked and grabbed the first thing I could find; that was a lie. I picked the thing I though could do the most damage. I hated him Cay, I didn't want him dead but I wanted him to suffer like I'd suffered by his hand.'

I was shocked by Billie's confession; this girl I knew who growing up would never hold a grudge against anyone was admitting to me she hated someone. I stood gobsmacked as she continued.

'I'm not sorry he's dead, I'm almost glad to be rid of him, I'm glad I killed him.'

'Billie you didn't kill...'

'But I did Cay, I'm responsible for his death and this feeling of relief and joy I have is horrible. So please promise to love me no matter because I already hate myself so much right now I couldn't take it if you hated me as well.'

To hell with getting washed, there was no way I was going to leave with Billie in this state, I sat down on the bed and let her snuggle up close to me as I stroked her hair.

'Billie, there is nothing you could ever do that would make me hate you, it's literally impossible. You shouldn't blame yourself for that bastard's death, he was a killer and a rapist, he got what he deserved.'

Billie said nothing but I could tell she felt a little better. We both fell asleep pretty soon afterwards, well she did, I stayed awake for another few hours, my arm draped over Billie's stomach, holding her close. After everything that'd happened I didn't want to let her go.

It was around 9 in the morning when I finally woke up; me and Billie were still spooning. I thought nothing of it until I realised Billie had taken her trousers off during the night and had returned to our normal sleeping arrangement. Obviously she wasn't kidding about needing someone close; I felt I should let her sleep but it was too late for that, Billie stirred awake, she turned round and looked at me, a feeling of ease on her face like yesterday was just a bad dream.

'Hey you.' She whispered.

'Hey.' I whispered back. 'How you doing?'

'Better.' Billie looked down at my hand on her stomach; dangerously close to her pussy. 'Definitely better.'

Billie took my hand and slowly moved it downwards, into her pants; all the while singing softly.

'God only know what I'd do without you.'

I could see where this was going so I took the initiative and shifted my own hand. Soon enough my fingers were stroking her cunny, I kissed her neck as I slowly fingered her and my thumb circled her clit, as I'd done soon many mornings before. But this felt different; we were both still scared and shaken over what happened, all the previous mornings had been about sex whereas today was about knowing we had someone with us. My fingers moved quicker, Billie's breathing became sharper, I kept kissing her neck, going down to her shoulders then back up, lather rinse repeat. Billie did her part and stroked her breasts, exciting herself in a way I couldn't at that moment. Our legs became entwined; we both felt my hardening cock deep in her panty-clad ass but we were both too lost in the moment to care. Not long afterwards Billie tensed up, she bit her bottom lip to stop from screaming out and gradually she loosened up, her orgasm gave her a beautiful glow that the morning sun only intensified. Billie turned around to face me and kissed me.

'Thank you Cay.'

Billie sat up and took her top off, followed closely by her pants. Sensing where we were heading I pulled my trousers and boxers off, Billie, now naked, climbed on top of me, she guided my cock into her wet and ready pussy, edging herself down. I took my chance and grabbed her ass, both feeling it for sexual purposes and helping her. We got a steady rhythm going, Billie was bouncing on me, getting faster and faster; when her fantastic breasts starting jumping on her chest I leaned forward to taste them, sucking them and furthering the experience for us both. Strangely, despite being so soon after her last one Billie was first to cum, I followed suit not long afterwards, not leaving her until I had finished cumming in her. With both of us finished Billie practically fell down, her head in the pillow beside me. Her heavy breathing made me think she was getting over her orgasm but as she got up I heard her sniff, trying to hold back tears.

'Billie what's wrong?' I was generally worried, did I hurt her anyway.

'Nothing Cay, it's just that every time we make love it reminds me that I'm going to lose you and I hate it. I don't want you to die I want to be with you forever, I want to stay with you, be with you, marry you, have your children, grow old and die with you so I don't have to live without you. I love you Caleb, I've never loved anyone like you and I never will.'

I remained silent, there was nothing to say, I simply kissed her, I couldn't promise everything would alright because we both knew it wouldn't but I could reassure her fears at least.

Later that day, after we were both washed and dressed I got a call from one of the creators for Taggart.

'Caleb, I tried to get you yesterday where were you?'

'The police station, don't ask it's a long story. Me and Billie had to answer some questions about some dead guy.'

'Jeez sorry I asked.'

'Never mind I'll tell you the whole story later. What you want?'

'Problem, Aaron's mother took ill so he's out of work for a few months, I need you to write something, you can continue on from one of the story's we have here or you can come up with your own. We're safe for another few months but we'll need something soon.'

'I don't know Jim, it'll probably take me awhile to get something down and...'

I stopped talking when I looked at a nearby wall and the picture on it; it was T.J., Jane and I from a few years back, we were at a carnival, on the big wheel to be precise. T.J. was holding the camera in one hand, the other around Jane who was in the middle of us. Jane was jokingly trying to escape T.J. who was kissing her cheek. I was to the opposite side of Jane, laughing along with the both of them. Looking back at the happier times I had a brainwave.

'Actually Jim I've got something, I'll call you later.

JANUARY

'A murder leads to a tale of revenge, mistaken identity and a long held family secret. Find out more next week on Taggart.'

Billie giggled at the advert on telly; Jim was so impressed by my writing that he put my script forward to be in the chance of being nominated for an award or two. I felt bad about using the whole tragedy with T.J. and Vincent as an idea but it was all I had at the time. It was not long after the new year, me and Billie had spent Christmas with mum who introduced us to Richard, a man she had been seeing for a month or two, we were both glad she's found someone, after dad's death she hadn't been on a date and this was best for her. New Year however belonged to us, we spent the day with Jane and Kathy but during the countdown she was with family so me and Billie were together the whole evening, just us two. We celebrated the New Year in style and bed. I left Billie in her happy state because I had to see Doctor Freeman again, our past few meetings had been less than pleasant but today was going to be different. Hopefully. As before I lay on the sofa and the Doc sat on a chair nearby.

'How are you taking the death of Vincent?'

'Truthfully I'm glad to see the back of him; I hated him. Billie's taking it hard she blames herself for killing him.'

'Do you blame her?'

'Of course not, the whole thing was an accident.'

Doc took a deep breath 'Caleb I'm going to ask you the same question that ruined our last two meetings, if you want to leave go now so that we don't end on bad terms again.'

I sat up, I wasn't going to leave but every part of me said I should. 'I'm starting to wish I took up smoking. Doc I'm going to come clean with you, don't say anything until I'm finished because I'm going to lay it all on you. I have slept with my sister, when you first asked if I wanted to I said no, that was a lie I did, when you asked if anything had happened I lied again, I had slept with Billie, I had, I was and I am. I'm in love with my sister Doc, in our eyes we're married and we're trying to have a kid. This didn't happened because I was scared or because I was lonely, it was because she was scared, she was lonely; Billie's so afraid of losing me that she wanted to love me in the deepest way possible, to have my child so that she has someone to love once I'm dead. Billie's been in love with me for years and I've only just noticed. So there Doc, I've told you everything, you were right so I guess you're feeling pretty smug right now.'

'Caleb I don't feel smug, and I wasn't right, you said your sister fell in love with you first, you would have eventually fell in love regardless of what I said.'

'Are you going to call the police?'

'No, no it wouldn't seem right given all that's happened.'

'Thanks Doc, I don't think we should see each other again. Thank you for all your help but we can't continue, I'll go now.'

'Caleb wait. I was hoping to bring this up during our talk, there's an experimental procedure for cases like yours, the haemorrhage can be removed and replaced with brain tissue from a donor allowing you to live a lot longer. However, it's a high risk operation and can lead to you being completely brain-dead if not fully dead. I've reviewed your friend T.J.'s medical history and he's a perfect match for you; you can undergo the procedure if you so wish.'

I didn't bother looking up at the Doc, I already had my answer. 'No thanks Doc, I'll pass.'

'Can I ask why?'

'You said the operation is high risk, sure I could be rid of this cunt in my head but the odds are I'll die and I don't want to run the risk. I don't want to lose my sister on a hospital bed I want to be with her a long as I can; if that lasts ten years or ten days it'll at least be with her. Goodbye Doctor Freeman.'

'Goodbye Caleb, you're welcome back anytime.'

With that I left, four years of thoughts and feelings and secrets all gone in an instant. I never did go back, I hated myself for it but it was what I had to do.

Later that I went to visit Jane, she was having a going-away party at her house as the next day she would be leaving. It was a small event, only a handful of people but that made it all the better, allowed Jane to say goodbye to those close to her. I was in the kitchen playing with Kathy when Jane entered to get another drink.

'Hey Caleb, I haven't seen you all evening.'

'You seemed busy, so you're really leaving?'

'Yeah, the house is mine till the end of the week then I'm off. I don't have any regrets and I just need to get away. Where's Billie?'

'At home, she's afraid you might get angry with her, because of what Vincent believed she thinks you'll blame her for T.J.'

'That's crazy, Vincent was insane. Tell her I don't blame her and I want to say goodbye to her before I leave tomorrow.'

'Sure thing.'

I looked down at Jane's hand and saw her missing her ring. 'Where's your ring?'

'Oh, I took it off, thought it might help with the grieving. I've been thinking about selling them, get a little money off them.'

'Don't do that, you'll get next to nothing for them. Tell you what I'll buy them, I'll you the money directly or if you don't want that I'll put it in a trust fund for Cathy.'

'Why'd you want to do that?'

'Because I love you and T.J. and I want something to remember you both, plus this will help you in the long term.'

'Fine, talk to me later and I'll give you the rings, put the money in a trust fund, I want something for my daughter to fall back on if things get bad.'

'Thanks.'

Jane hugged me, a solitary tear fell down her cheek, we were both sad to be losing each other but fate works like that.

It was one or two in the morning by the time I got back, I went upstairs to find Billie asleep on our bed, feeling wide awake and not wanting to disturb her I went back downstairs, poured myself a drink and put some music on quietly. I picked 'Nostalgia' by Emily Barker, a nice soft tune and relevant, with T.J. and Jane's wedding rings in my pocket and the fun-fair picture on the wall I had a great sense of reminiscence. Sitting on the sofa I looked through a mental photo album, remembering all the times the tree of us had, soon I was remembering my childhood with Billie.

I'm 2, I'm taking into the hospital to see my mother holding this little bundle, I'm told this is my baby sister and I'm to look after her. With mum holding me I hold my sister, I don't want to let her go.

I'm 7, I'm teaching Billie to ride a bike. She has difficulty but with me holding her she manages to get the hang of it.

I'm 12, Billie's going to leave for a few days for school camp. She hugs me tightly, she tells me she's going to miss me the most.

I'm 16, I've just been told about my condition, that I'm going to die. I take the job of telling Billie who's been told she's safe. I tell her everything, watching the tears well up in her eyes, she doesn't wait until I'm finished to grab me and hold me. Mum tells her to let me go but Billie yells no, she doesn't want to let me go.

I'm 8, it's Christmas, me and Billie are on a sled going down a hill, both of us laughing like idiots, me holding her firmly, preventing her from falling. Mum and dad are there too but not in this picture, here's it's just me and Billie. That's my favourite memory, my most precious, the one I look at to remind me why I love Billie so much. All my memories are precious, with my condition I'll lose them so I keep them close to me for as long as I can. I don't know if it was the drink, the song, the reminiscing or all of the above or even just my love for Billie and my fear of losing her but for the first time since I was told about my condition I cried, I cried over the lost memories and the fucked up situation I was in. For the first time in my life I was scared to die.