Oct. 15
I know last night I was just deflecting Mike's worries by us having sex all night, but damn it felt so good. Too just let go like that, to relent to the animal inside myself, and that is what it felt like. I think Mike is going to be sore today, and not just from sore muscles…I left a large number of bites on his hide last night, even drawing blood at times. Maybe I should get checked for rabies?
It's amazing that my problem with Peter is due to sex and my pressure valve to relieve that stress is sex with my husband. I'm not going to deny that what my getting excited over what Peter does isn't wrong and I know I should surely come up with some way to stop the situation, but I have to now admit it to myself, that I find myself looking forward to my daily sparing sessions with Peter. I have to also admit as well that it bothers me; especially that it's exposing my daughters to my shameful display when Peter does indulge himself. Granted they aren't children anymore, but young ladies, but mothers really shouldn't do these things in front of their children…no matter the ages involved. I wonder still if I should have told Mike after it started, and I now look at my own behavior and even wonder if that an option now. If Mike found out how much I've given over to the situation, would he want to forgive me, much less understand.
I find myself longing for and dreading each day as the children get home, knowing what approaches and looking at my own decisions each day. Well I need to wrap this up, they will soon be home and I need to start getting things done in the kitchen anyway.
Oct. 18
I wasn't able to write about what happened Friday until now. It's Monday morning as I sit here and I still can't believe what I let happen yet again, a further broadening of what I'm allowing and doing each afternoon. I must say I put on a good act for Mike when he got home Friday, though I had to pretend to be sick and didn't eat supper, going to bed early. He fawned over me Saturday thinking I was sick still and too be honest I was, just not from a virus. How could I have thought that all of what has been happening wasn't leading up to this and why in the hell did I wear that damn dress…
After Susan put down her journal, she felt a wicked thrill run through her and decided to change out of her jean pants and slide on an old skirt she had which Mike had always considered plain but which made her feel sexy. It was made of a very thin material, so she felt almost naked while wearing it, but it was very dark and not sheer. It was also very long, hanging only a foot above the floor as she wore it. As Susan slid it on she had another wicked idea and removed her panties, thinking it would add to her eroticism, feeling less between her and Peter when he performed his daily ritual. She had worn it around the house before, it being old and very comfortable and she had retired it from service for purposes of wearing outside of the house. She moved to look at herself in the mirror, turning to look at herself, feeling very free, inviting and thinking the dress would enhance her sexual stimulation for her, and she could pass that onto Mike later that night…probably the whole weekend. She smiled at her image in the mirror, thinking as she always did when she wore this dress, that she looked quite sexy for being forty-two years of age. She gave her image another flip over as she left the mirror and adjusting her new clothes she left the room.
Susan entered the kitchen and started preparing for supper, pulling things from the fridge and setting them out on the counter top. She figured on making homemade spaghetti and meatballs, so she started chopping the vegetables to go in the sauce and meatballs. Just then the kids got home. They were getting home sooner this past week then they used to in the past, because Mike had gotten a used car for Peter to drive and he took the girls to school each day, all three of them going to the same High school. Susan cried hello to them as they walked into the living room. They all said hey and she smiled at them over the partition, still in a good mood from the sex marathon the night before.
"I'm making spaghetti guys so I hope you're hungry." I told them all as I looked up at them. I always made way too much spaghetti when I made it so there would be leftovers. Peter and Mary walked past her as they went to their rooms to drop off their school things. Genie stop at the kitchen table, placing her book bag on the table and Susan assumed she had homework, which she usually did now at the kitchen table, at least the past month or so at any rate. Genie came over and gave her a half hug, seeing as her mother was busy with her hands still messy from the food. Susan leaned her head over as her daughter embraced her side. "You have a good day honey?" Susan asked her daughter as she moved off to rinse her hands to grab the meat from the fridge. Genie's eyes followed her, nodding her head as she looked at her mother.
"Yeah mom, it was ok today. I made a B on that math test today." Genie told her mother. Susan flashed her a smile from the fridge as she closed it up and moved back to the counter.
"Genie, that's great." Susan said to her as she drew closer, she knew her daughter's weakest subject was math with Genie more often than not making a C or a D on a test so a B was good news. Susan stooped down and pulled a few mixing bowls out for her to fix up the meatballs in, then stood back up, looking at her daughter. "Do you think you can keep making them, it would be good to pull your grade up in that subject?" Susan asked her in an off hand manner. Genie smiled slightly.