Dear Diary Ch 01 5

Ok, so this is my first NEW storyline in a long time and it's been a while since I had any new postings. I'm almost finished on another follow up story so that should be up soon. The story parts in italics here are portions from the main characters journal and the rest are events as they happen for contrast.

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Dec. 14

Dear diary, today I'm not sure if I can go on with my life…certainly at least not the life I have known these many years. How it went so wrong, I'm not sure. Some of the events are listed earlier in this journal; some are only remembered in my head and heart. My name is Susan Timberling; I'm married and have four children. I love them all so much that I can't think of parting or being separated for long from any of them. But in the days to come, that may very well happen.

My husband is Michael Timberling, we married shortly after we graduated from college where we meet while attending. We have been married for twenty-two years, all of which I would consider happy. We have three girls and one boy as children. The oldest, Marie, is currently attending college to become a Veterinarian as she love animals. Next is Peter, in his last year of High School. Peter is, well, a dabbler…not sticking to any one thing for long and to be honest I am not sure he wants to go to college. He is fair at sports, but not good enough for any kind of scholarship or such based on his sports.

My next oldest is Jennifer, but we all call her Genie because when she was learning to talk we started calling her Jenny for short and she kept thinking we were calling her a genie after a character in one of the books we had read her. She kept insisting we call her Genie and well she was very headstrong, so Genie is the name she usually goes by. Our youngest is Mary. I love Mary as much as any of my children, but if I must say so, she almost scares me. Even at an extremely early age she proved she was very intelligent…as well as mischievous. As she has gotten older she has gotten more of both, with incredible looks now thrown in. I fear that she has a dark side to her…no I don't think evil as such but, well maybe conniving. Somehow I know whatever Mary does it life, it will make a huge splash, I just fear for those that get wet.

I live with my family in a modest house in a normal neighborhood. My husband works a long day most every day, but is usually off all but the rare weekend. I have worked in the past when times were lean and we needed the money, but as my husband would actually rather have me stay at home unless needed, well I am currently a stay at home mom…or homemaker. That is where my life stands as of now, though I think it will change soon…very soon. Oh God how things have changed in the past few months…

Sept. 11

It's been a while since my last entry, but things seem to be going good with school back in session. I love my children, but having them all home during summer break just about breaks me. I'm used to having the days to myself and seeing them after they get home. But as much as I wanted the others back in school, part of me wanted Marie back home. She isn't home much since she left home, even during breaks due to the fact that she works off campus and her college is over a ten hour drive away. I miss her, she was of all my children the one who understood me most and I miss our time together.

Something is worrying me now and I hope it will pass soon. It concerns Peter's behavior towards me recently. He and his girlfriend of almost two years broke up over the summer, only weeks before school started back, though he won't tell me why. He was very depressed after that and he decided to drop out of football (he was attending the weekly summer training at that time). He has been on the football team for the last six years and for him to drop out was not a good sign. I tried to console him, as I saw he was down and I made sure to hug and hold him often during this time as I felt so heart broken for him. In looking back this may not have been the best of options.

For about two weeks now Peter has seemingly gone out of his way to well…rub against me, even what I would call coping feels from me a few times. At first they seemed to happen maybe once a day and I didn't think anything of it, but it keeps occurring and I've noticed it rarely happens after my husband gets home from work in the evening. He doesn't seem to mind if his two sisters are in the room, at least not as much, but I'm not sure if it less with them or not. If he does not stop in the next few days I am going to talk with him.

Sept. 16

I talked today to my son about his touchiness recently. At first he denied doing it then he admitted he 'may' have done it a few times. I asked why he did it those few times and he said he wasn't sure, that it just felt good. I explained it had to quit, that I didn't like him doing it. I threatened him that if he didn't his father would hear about it…that seemed to get his attention I can say.

BUT…I could never tell his father in truth. Mike would more then likely throw him out of the house as Peter is over eighteen, or at most wait till he was finished school, THEN toss him out. I can't have that. I just won't tell Peter that it's an empty threat. I love my son too much for a little bit of teenage male hormonal stupidity get him tossed out of the house.

Sept. 22

Ok I guess I didn't work, at least my first talking to Peter. He seemed to hold off on the rubbing for two days then on the third he 'slid' past me as I bent over taking out the laundry from the dryer. He was very obvious and I gave him a dirty look, hoping it was just a slip up or him forgetting our talk…it wasn't. The next day he seemed to be making up for lost time and set a new record with more then a dozen 'brushes'. He even 'accidentally' groped my ass with his hand. What made it worse that he did it several times with the girls in the room or close by. I'm pretty sure they noticed, in fact I glanced over and Mary was giggling…she must have seen him pressing himself into me and thought it was funny. Well I didn't! I took him aside and had another talk with him.

"Peter, what are you doing?" Susan asked her son, doing her best to hold her temper after she pulled him into the din to talk. He just shrugged as he stood before her.

"What are you talking about mom?" Was all he said as he looked almost anywhere but at her.

"You know what I'm talking about, your rubbing and pressing into me. Peter it has got to stop!" Susan said in exasperation. "The girls are noticing you doing it as well and it's embarrassing to me. Do you want me to tell your father, or are you going to stop this?"

"No mom you can't tell dad, you know he'd flip." Peter told his mother, now looking at her. He knew his father was the very possessive and jealous type or husband. He had once seen his father almost get in a fight after this guy flirted with their mother in public. He wasn't sure how far his father would go, but knew he didn't want to know about his new hobby. "I'll try and stop mom, seriously."

"No Peter, you do it, don't try. It's got to stop, it's not right you doing it." Susan said firmly to her son. She stared at him a few seconds, to show she meant her words and noticed he looked cowed, but thinking he looked much the same the last time she talked to him. She left him standing there hoping this would be the last talk she had to give him on the subject.

Sept. 29

So much for all my talking with my son. Again he seemed to relent for a time but he has resumed even more then before. Things were ok for four days this time, with not a single incident and I was thinking it was over, and then within minutes of being home he started up again. I got very pissed while I was doing dishes and he came up behind me saying he was looking for something and pressed into me as he opened the cabinets over me 'searching' for it. I can't even remember his excuse. I was so embarrassed as both of the girls were at the kitchen table and more then likely saw it all. I was some mad and my face turned four shades of red. I was so flustered I didn't know what to do. He was actually pressing into me and worst of all I could feel that he had an erection pressing into my butt. I have no idea of how long he stayed that way, it seemed forever but in truth it was probably only 10-12 seconds but it wasn't pleasant. When he moved away I immediately looked over at the girls and I saw them both looking away, Genie back to her books and Mary to her magazine…though I'm sure Mary was smirking. OH God I was so mad I had to leave the room and turned off the water and left.

But more then that, I'm ashamed of what happened once I got back to my room. I cried for sometime, maybe a quarter of an hour, and then I was feeling better and waiting for my eyes to clear to get back to the dishes and then cooking supper. And then I remembered the pressure from behind, from Peter and I felt slightly sick, but I also felt…God I hate to say it a thrill run through me. I felt myself getting wet and I began itching down there like when I get very horny. I hated it then and I hate it now, but I knew I had to do something about it otherwise it would drive me crazy the next few hours. If mike had been home I would've let him take care of me…but he wasn't. So I pushed my hand into my pants and down my panties and pleasured myself till I orgasmed. I hated that I had gotten horny, and hated it more the reason and circumstances of it. And more then ever I was now mad at Chris and he soon knew it.

Right before his father got home Peter grabbed my ass, not a 'brush' but a full ass grab…hard. I spun around wanting to smack him across his face, but only slapped his hand, loudly. Unfortunately Genie was in the room and heard this, maybe she saw what happened before that but I am not sure. Again I got embarrassed and gave Peter a dirty look. Then I looked at Genie and knew she knew what happened. I felt sick right then, and almost got sick. Thank god Peter left the room.

Oct. 2

The problem with Peter continues and I'm at a loss. I tried talking to him the other day yet again and I knew it was useless. As I talked with him he seemed…arrogant, or smug. Maybe it was just my wanting to punch him that made him seem as such. But he did smile some while I chastised him. And when I told him it had to stop, he just shrugged and said 'whatever'. Maybe I should tell his father, but as things now stand Peter has deduced that my threat was hollow. Now He seems more brazen then ever. He openly rubs against me now, where before it was a quick pass by, touch, or quick push into me. I'm beginning to feel seriously stressed now and dread my children coming home each day. Though I shouldn't say all of them, just my son really, though I'm now embarrassed all the time around my children with this shame, especially Mary, who seems to be mocking my with her eyes at times. But I was very embarrassed today, because Genie wanted to talk to me…

"Mom, why do you let Peter keep touching you?" Genie finally asked her mother timidly, thinking of how she should broach the subject to her for days now. Susan looked at her daughter in shock, then embarrassment. She covered her eyes for a second then looked back at her daughter.

"Honey, I'm not 'letting' him do anything, I don't want him to do it…he just does." Susan said after some thought. She gave a sigh as she looked at her daughter. "I asked him…no told him to stop several times, but he hasn't been listening evidently." She said throwing her hands in the air.

"Why don't you tell dad, he would stop him." Genie offered up to her mother. Susan nodded vigorously.

"Yes he would stop him…then toss him out of the house, slap him around some or God knows what else! I wish I could get your father to handle it, but that would be as a last resort, the very last. I'd rather not have your brother banished from the house or worse yet, your father in jail for assault. I'm hoping your brother will get over his fascination with my body and get stop it himself." Susan told her daughter, not believing that for a second. Genie gave her a look that told she didn't believe it either.

"I think he likes it too much to stop mom, maybe dad should be told…" Genie started to say but her mother interrupted her but slapping her hand on the side table.

"NO! Genie let me handle it my way, it's happening to me and I'll deal with it." Susan said softly, lowering her voice after Genie was quiet. "Don't you dare go behind my back on this either, please." Genie nodded after her mother said that. Genie then hesitated before she spoke again.

"Mom…mom, do you like it when Peter…you know?" Genie asked timidly, figuring her mother would get mad at the question. Susan was shocked but not mad.

"Genie! How can you think that, what gave you the thought that I like your brother doing that?" Susan asked her daughter, feeling hurt at the accusation. Genie looked like she wanted to hide.

"Well…it's just…Mary thinks, that you look like you enjoy it." Genie said quietly.

"So you and Mary have been discussing the issue have you? Do you think I have been enjoying the 'attentions'? Susan asked her daughter, trying hard not to get angry at her…it wasn't her fault after all.

"I don't know mom, it…it looks like you could be at times." Genie said, and then hurriedly went on when she saw her mother growing very angry. "It has looked like you've…ummm…pushed back a few times when he…you know…pushed into you." Genie finished saying very softly, watching her mothers face as it went through contortions.

"I can't believe you think that Genie, I would never encourage your brother that way." Susan said in disbelief as she stared at her daughter. She then began to wonder though, because the day before she remembered thinking she thought the pressure from her sons thrusting felt very…nice. And afterward she had gone into her room and had to finger herself to orgasm again, that being the third time since all of this started a month or so ago. She shook her head as if to clear those thoughts from it. She then wondered what the girls had talked about. "So what else have you and Mary been discussing?" She asked, making sure to keep her voice even and not be angry at her daughter. Genie shrugged, not knowing what to say.

"Nothing much mom, just what I said, that and well…noticing when he does it. He does it a lot." Genie commented, wanting very much to leave now, but not wanting her mother to get angrier. Susan just nodded at her and sighed.

"Yes he does…and Im tired of it. Go on, I can see you want to leave now. Genie I'm not mad at you, ok?" Susan said as she waved her hand to say her daughter could go. Genie got up to leave and Susan softly grabbed her arm and pulled her close, giving her daughter a hug. "I love you sweetie and I'm not mad at you for bringing this up." Susan said to make sure Genie knew how she felt. Her daughter smiled at her as they separated.

"I know mom, I just didn't want to see you sad." Genie said, her smile fading but still there. Susan smiled back, though it was forced on her part.

"Have I seemed sad honey?" Susan asked, knowing the answer already. Genie just nodded at her. "Ok then, I'll have to just try and not be sad then huh?"

"Ok mom." Genie said with a bigger smile this time, and Susan knew that was what she wanted to hear from her. Susan watched her turn and walk out of the room, thankful that she had Genie follow her back to her own and bedroom to talk privately. If Peter had interrupted them at the wrong time Susan wondered if she would have hit him. She relaxed for a few minutes in the peace of her own room before she threw herself out into the wilds of a horny teenager.

Oct. 3

After talking with Genie yesterday and all the crap her brother is doing I am feeling the stress. Mike mentioned it at dinner yesterday evening and I put on a happy face and said I was tired is all. I noticed three set of eyes on me…all of them knowing I was lying. With the look that Peter gave me I might as well put up a sign to him saying 'free ass grabs here' as I lied to his father. And I wonder what the girls looks mean, I think Genie is just concerned, but I swear Mary was grinning ever so slightly as she continued to eat her food. Should I tell Mike? I don't know now. I do know if I told him how much Peter had been doing it, that Mike would most certainly toss him out of the house, if not out right beat the stuffing out of him. My god I don't want that! I wonder if I could sugar coat it for Mike, but I'm worried it would come out anyway.

I must also admit at least in some ways what Genie said is true. While I honestly haven't encouraged Peter's behavior, his actions have at times, made me excited, even horny. And I can't say why. Maybe it's a combination of things. The physical touching is pleasant in itself…if it was my husband I would invite such touching. And I guess the pure audacity of Peter strikes me as a thrill, sick though it is. And I really don't want to admit this, but I wonder if by him doing this in front of the girls is part of it. Each time that I had to later…masturbate, was only while the girls were present. That makes me sick to write that or think it, but I wonder if it's true. And now that I think about it, I'm quite sure Mary is enjoying the whole affair, the little tart, but I noticed Genie watching just as much as Mary. And both of them seem to live in the kitchen now, the scene of most of the 'crimes'. My god my brain feels like mush now, I wish I would get this shit out of my head. Even if Peter stops tomorrow, I think I'm going to need counseling or something to deprogram me.

Oct. 7

I really feel like I'm going to be sick now. Earlier today, just maybe an hour ago, I caught myself responding to Peter when he 'bumped' into me. Well more like humped into me. I can't believe what I did…

"Peter can you change the trash out, and take it out to the curb?" Susan said as she finished putting vegetable leftovers in the trash. She was making stew and had just finished cleaning the vegetables, having to still chop them up. She heard the dryer buzzer go off. She went to wash off her hands to fold up the clothes, Peter always did a horrible job of doing it. Drying her hands she walked into the washroom and pulled the clothes into a basket and then began folding them on top of the dryer as usual. After a few folded clothes were piled up, she saw Peter walk into the kitchen and then after a bit head toward her. She closed her eyes and sighed to herself, knowing what was coming. "What?" She asked as he entered the washroom behind her.

"Need a new bag for the trash." Peter explained as he moved behind her, and she felt him press into her as he slowly reached over her to the cabinets. She knew he already had a erection…she could feel it as he pressed into her butt. He began pressing harder, even moving up and down slight as he pulled down the box of bags. He stayed where he was and kept thrusting as he pivoted his shoulders and slowly pulled a bag free of the others. Susan tried to continue to fold as her son humped into her. As Peter reached up and replaced the box, he thrust quite hard into her, forcing her into the dryer and causing her to gasp out and shoot her hands out onto the dryer to keep her balance, unavoidably thrusting her hips back at him as she did. She felt her pussy spasm, seemingly of it's own accord and she moaned out. Peter heard her and ground himself more, thrusting from beneath her, and she felt his erection slide along the length of her now wet slit.