Like most women, I like to keep a diary, noting down day to day events as they happen so that they jog my memory or allow me at a future date, to remember special occurrences. Mine is nowadays kept online, away from the prying eyes of my husband and family and documents episodes in my life and my thoughts. It is something I have done since I was young, back then, they were actual diaries, unfortunately, they had to be destroyed years ago, for fear of implicating people that I loved. This is not my complete diary, more or less extracts from it, as nobody wants to read the normal rubbish we females tend to write.
Dear Diary
Thu 2
nd
Dec 2021:
The decision has been made. After last year's imprisonment, Tom, and I are heading south this year to spend the festivities with mostly his family. In the past, we would visit regularly, but it is now three years since we last went down. The pandemic coupled with our age has had an impact with neither of us looking forward to the six-hour journey from where we live in the north.
This weekend I phoned Doris, Tom's sister, and she is going to look in at the apartment and make sure it is aired before we arrive. We bought it years ago and used to use it often when we visited. Its location is perfect, set back several hundred yards on the opposite side of the road from the cliff edge and the beach below, it has great views out to sea. Nowadays we allow friends and family to use it or even let it out occasionally for holidays, even though we are not supposed to. Perhaps the time is coming when we sell it. With us both getting on, I can't see us getting much more use out of it sadly.
I spent all of Friday wrapping presents that need to go with us as well as washing and ironing. Can never tell what the weather will be like or where we may get invited to, so a range of clothing is needed. Hate this part of the run-up to Christmas, so much to do before the big day. It's only five more days before we head south, hope the weather stays mild for us while we make the journey. Once we are there it can do what it likes. A couple of stops on the motorway and splitting the driving between us will make the journey easier.
Sun 19
th
Dec 2021:
Early start in the morning so I'm scribbling this before we turn in. Tom's doing the driving on the first leg of the journey and I'll do the second. It's safer that way, the closer he gets to his origins, the faster he drives. A pensioner at his age doing ninety on the motorway isn't the best combination.
Here at last. Despite it being three years, everywhere looks the same. Cases are unpacked and we had our first brews before friends and family started to call. It proved to be a hectic day with a constant parade of people coming and going Went out for a meal that evening, it seems over the years to have become a ritual on the day we arrive, everyone wanting to say their hellos and catch up on any gossip.
Wow! Andrew our grandson called around today to say hello. His mother Janet, our daughter, married a young bloke in the forces and when he came out they settled down south near Tom's family. I've known Andrew all of his life and on our frequent trips down I've watched him grow up. He's twenty-two now and suddenly seems to have gone from an awkward teenager to a handsome young man. He is, I've decided, a bit of a flirt, Tom was nipping out to see one of his brothers and my grandson invited me out for a walk, just a short stroll along the cliff tops. Despite the milder weather, it was a bit blustery and I ended up taking his arm. It's funny how comfortable and thrilling it felt to be on the arm of this young man. At one point we stopped to gaze out to sea and he stood behind me to shield me from the chilly offshore breeze as I snuggled in against him and felt his arms around my waist. It was all perfectly innocent I told myself, except I noticed the slight bulge down below as we parted and headed back to the apartment. I hadn't been able to feel anything because of the bulk of my coat, but it appeared that he'd enjoyed having me close to him. Now I wouldn't say I do anything out of the ordinary to keep myself fit, although I do like walking. Yes, I'm getting on a bit but I'm still slim and all the bits are still in the right place, and in good working order, even if some do tend to sag nowadays. Surely he couldn't be finding me interesting in that way?
Thoughts on yesterday. It felt strange but also exciting as I wonder if I was turning my grandson on. He knows nothing much about my previous life, other than what his grandfather can tell him, and that's very little. I've told plenty of little white lies over the years.
I began an incestuous relationship many, many years ago, first with a cousin and then moved on to my brothers. You could say I've been around the block quite a few times, but it was exciting and fun and I have never once regretted what I've done. I've been married several times and had more than my fair share of affairs, but for quite a few years now, I have behaved myself. Whatever it is, something about that walk yesterday has ignited old desires!!!
Tom and I had a drive out to drop the presents off to different members of his family ready for tomorrow and have a catchup with the relatives. We are all meeting at Janet's tomorrow for Christmas lunch, unfortunately, Andrew was out today when we called so I missed seeing him. Janet said she needed to speak to us while we are down here, but said it will wait until after Christmas is over.
Sat 25
th
Dec 2021 Christmas Day:
What a day, I'm exhausted as well as pissed. You must excuse the handwriting diary. The morning and afternoon were excellent even if it was a little boozy. Andrew of course was there and I've decided that he is a naughty boy. He started plying me with drinks the moment Tom and I arrived. Lunch was a splendid affair if somewhat noisy and I ate far too much. Andrew suggested a walk for a breath of fresh air mid-afternoon, to which everyone declined except muggins here.
Once out and alone, his arm was quickly around my waist as we strolled together. 'People will get the wrong idea,' I told him. He seemed completely unperturbed as he hugged me closer. 'Let people think what they want. I like the feel of you next to me.' I must admit that it put a spring in my step as well as a tingle in my fanny. Can he even imagine what I'm thinking, if he did, would he run a mile?
Christmas night and Janet's was bulging at the seams. Everybody was tipsy and giddy, silly games being played, followed by loud music and dancing, Andrew insisted several times and it felt nice being pressed against him. As usual at these affairs, never enough chairs to go around and so ended up sitting on his lap in one of the armchairs. His hands never touched anywhere inappropriate, it was just the feel of them on my upper thighs and occasionally my stockinged legs. At one point he asked, 'Are you comfortable? Nothing poking into you?' I couldn't help myself when I replied, 'Unfortunately, not yet.' The look on his face was sublime, I could just tell that if the house had not been full of guests, he may have plucked up the courage to say something more.
Got a Christmas night shag, but only from Tom. After flirting all evening with Andrew, I was wet and rampant. Remember now why I don't drink very often, at least not to excess, thumping head this morning. Went to Doris's at lunchtime; some of the family were there again. Didn't want to ask beforehand if Andrew would be there and make it sound obvious. Finding that I'm thinking about him quite a bit at the moment, makes me feel excited. Thankfully he was. Cold and wet outside so had to forgo a walk but felt his eyes on me all afternoon.
Andrew came and picked us up after Christmas and Boxing day, he said his mum Janet had a request. Apparently, he has finished university and has been offered a job in the city about twelve miles from where Tom and I live. Janet asked if he could stay with us until he finds his feet and gets himself a flat. Being only the two of us we have plenty of room and the thought of having Andrew that close had me wanting to jig around the lounge. The look on his face when we said yes was one of pure mischief and satisfaction. Pretty certain that he has designs on me once he moves north, he doesn't realise yet what he is letting himself in for, I'm going to eat him alive.
Fri 31
st
Dec 2021 New Year's Eve:
Don't know why, but found myself making a special effort. Yes, I do, Andrew. We all went out to a posh dinner and dance and I wanted to look good for him. Don't get me wrong, I love Tom. But after many years of being a good girl, I'd forgotten what the excitement feels like when you're thinking of doing something you shouldn't. If I say so myself and even if I am old, I can still look sexy. After dinner and once the dancing started, Andrew seemed to be pulling me up quite often. Tom's not a dancer, more a "prop up the bar fella" especially when he's with his family.
With alcohol flowing and midnight closing in, I found it difficult to miss the erection that kept pressing against my mound. Should I have said something or not? Decided not to at that point. Drink tends to loosen my tongue however and any inhibitions I may have, quickly disappear, (they are very few). As we celebrated a New Year, I was pressed against him once more and asked if I was the cause of what I could feel. The music was too loud to hear his answer properly, but I definitely heard what sounded like, "bed". Unfortunately, after that, the evening quickly came to an end leaving me with damp panties and a torturous lust for my grandson. 'Jesus fucking Christ, I want to shag him!!!'
Got a New Year shag, again only Tom, and again because I was feeling sexual. Andrew seems to have been a constant while we have been visiting. Only a few more days before we head home. Left hubby watching television while Andrew and I went out for a walk. His arm was quickly around my waist, he seems to like that close contact, and I'm sure I do. I asked if he was looking forward to coming to stay with us. His reply of, 'I'm looking forward to seeing a lot more of you,' was accompanied by a gaze that went from my face, down my body and then back up again. I couldn't help myself as I joked, 'Play your cards right buster and you may get to see more than you anticipated.'
It feels like we are admitting to something but without actually declaring our intentions or desires. I'm sure he wants to fuck me, does he know or realise yet, that I want him to fuck me? I wanted to kiss him, I wanted him to kiss me, but there were too many people about and I don't think he is yet ready to take that final step and admit to what he is after. Wait till I get him up north.
