This is part 1 of the multi-part "Mom's Fantasy" series.
------------------------------------
Chapter 1: The Family
I found my mind constantly wandering.
It was difficult for me to focus and keep track of the various tasks and deadlines I had at work. I also felt like I had been neglecting my responsibilities as a mother and partner at home. All my life I was seen as the one who had her shit together and was always on top of things. Overtime, this led me to feel like I was the one who had the responsibility to solve all the problems I, or anyone else around me, encountered. I didn't mind this role; to be seen as someone who could figure it out and make things right.
Lately though, I had been feeling overwhelmed from work and listless from the day-to-day monotony that had settled in at home. Not that my life or relationships were awful. I had two beautiful daughters, many close friends, and I was in a happy relationship with my boyfriend, Paul, of many years.
Paul and I owned a house together and my daughters lived with us full-time. Paul was my rock, and my daughters were my world. Having my daughters around and close by to me gave me a feeling of warmth and comfort. My motherly instinct wanted them to stay with me forever, although I knew they would eventually have the urge to leave the comfort of our house and forge paths of their own.
My oldest daughter, Brooke, was 23. She was working full-time while taking a few classes at the local community college. She had been with her current boyfriend for the past few years. He was nice enough, though she rarely brought him around to the house. Brooke usually kept to herself and was more or less self-sufficient. Although I wouldn't call her a party animal, she would occasionally go out with her friends to the local clubs to unwind and get out of the house.
Brooke's club outfits were not something I'd say I approved of. Her typical look included seemingly painted on leggings that accentuated her rather plump behind with large semi-circle cut-outs on both sides of the hips, exposing her pale light skin. She wore a corset like bralette for her top, just big enough to ensure she had no underboob showing and that her nipples were covered while still allowing her breasts to slightly overflow out of the top. She didn't have large breasts, but they were enough to get people's attention when she wanted them to. Maybe I was more jealous that I didn't have the self-esteem to wear clothes like that when I was her age, rather than disapproving of her going out in public like that.
Zoey had recently turned 18 and graduated from high school only a couple of months before her birthday. She'd usually work evenings and hang out on occasion with her friends after work. She was more outgoing and was always vying to be the center of attention wherever she went. Being into all the latest social media dance challenges gave her an excuse to have the focus turned on her.
The more recent dances she was doing seemed pretty provocative to me, however, since she was 18, I felt she didn't need mom nagging her about it. There were a few times I felt a bit uncomfortable when she did some of the moves in front of Paul, but it was innocent enough and he never made any inappropriate comments, gestures, or looks towards Zoey. Plus, she did look cute doing them. Zoey had a similar body shape to Brooke and had no problem showing it off with her little booty pops, chest wiggles, and seductive moves during her dances.
Paul didn't have any kids of his own, but he was always there to support me. Both of my daughters looked up to Paul and even referred to him as their stepdad. He would do anything for me and my daughters.
When we first started dating, both of my daughters' thought Paul was cute and they gave me their approval, acknowledging that they would have dated him themselves if they were in my position. Paul was 9 years younger than me. He was an avid hiker like me and was always encouraging us to stay active and healthy. He would tell me how lucky he was to have me; though I always believed I was the lucky one to have a younger guy. My own insecurities about our age difference left me to wonder if he'd leave me one day for a younger girl, but I knew Paul loved me and would never cheat on me.
Being overworked and overstressed did unfortunately leave my sex life to be desired. Between the stress of work for both Paul and me -- and having two daughters constantly in the house -- it was very difficult to find the time, energy, and space to have sex as often as I would have liked.
I started using fantasies to satiate my sexual needs and desires. The lack of regular sex had led me to fantasize more often than I had ever done in the past. My imagination had begun to run wild. I was uncovering thoughts and feelings I wasn't even aware of.
Chapter 2: The Dilemma
I had to admit it was a bit shocking at first what was popping into my head. Often the different sexual encounters and experiences I fantasized about involved Paul and my daughters together. The initial shock turned into intense arousal. The thought of them having new and different sexual experiences together began to feel natural and was a major turn on for me.
Maybe it was because Paul was always there to help and support Brooke and Zoey that my mind extended that to him being open to helping them explore their sexuality. I eventually came to embrace these fantasies for what they were -- imaginations of sexual exploration and excitement -- and not something that would actually happen in reality. Plus, the fantasies were always consensual and pleasurable for everyone involved which gave me a sense of safety and security.
The more I fantasized about Paul and my daughters, the more I wondered whether Paul had similar fantasies. I was always too afraid to ask him. It felt way too taboo. How would I even approach him with this question?
I feared it might negatively affect our relationship if I told him I had these thoughts and I didn't think he'd ever be comfortable admitting to it if he too had similar fantasies. I will say that my daughters did not make it hard for Paul to have fantasies about them if he wanted.
Both Brooke and Zoey liked to wear long baggy t-shirts around the house with either spandex boy shorts or their panties underneath. Neither of them would wear bras while at home. There were plenty of times when their loose-fitting shirts would flow around and hang from their nipples leaving just that much less to the imagination. Nor was it uncommon to catch a glimpse of their tight round asses and butt cheeks hanging out as they walked around; especially when they would bend over to pick something up, or in Zoey's case every time she did one her dances.
Zoey was also in the habit of regularly walking around in white cropped tank tops that -- in just the right angle and lighting -- were ever-so-slightly see-through. Even I couldn't help sneaking a peek sometimes when her top would be desperately trying -- and completely failing -- to hide her at attention nipples under the thin material. She'd typically complete this look with a pair of leggings, or sometimes sweatpants that would hang right at, or just below, her hips letting whatever underwear she happened to have on that day barely peek out for all to see.
If Paul ever wanted to add my daughters to his 'spank bank' he never made it obvious. I think he respected them too much to bring any attention to it if he did. Maybe he was that good at sneaking peaks for himself without anyone noticing, or maybe it was just me that never noticed. If Brooke or Zoey ever caught Paul irresistibly looking at their bodies, they never called him out or brought it up to me.
I wanted to tell Paul that it was ok if he was attracted to my daughters. Even as their own mother I recognized that they were both beautiful and sexually captivating. I wouldn't fault Paul for wanting to look at my daughters more closely and appreciate their curves and alluring sexual attractiveness. Since he thought I was enticingly beautiful, I had to assume he was secretly attracted to and turned on by them as well. After all, they were effectively an extension of me both in terms of physical looks and personality traits.
Being open and honest about our sexual desires was something I wanted between us. I really wanted to be able to share my fantasies with Paul and for him to share his with me. But how could I ask him if he was attracted to my daughters without him thinking I was trying to call him out as some pervy guy? What would he think if I told him I had fantasies about my daughters seducing him and taking advantage of him while I watched . . . or even joined in?
Even if his fantasies were taboo, awkward, or pervy; it wouldn't matter to me. I already knew mine were exactly that; taboo, awkward, and pervy. I started thinking about which fantasy I'd share with him once I was finally able to scrounge up the courage.