It was a dark and stormy night. Cliche, but true.
I laid in the bed, listening to the rain, and waiting for sleep to come claim me. So, that I could visit the world where he would belong to me instead of her.
I love my Mom. Don't get me wrong. And she has had it so rough that she deserved something special when she left the sperm donor that caused me to exist. I refuse to call that asshole "father".
But, I saw him first, dammit.
Ok, maybe not. But, I didn't know when I did see him that they were already a couple.
I remember it like it was yesterday.
Mom had taken me shopping for clothes for school. I was fourteen and would much rather be in the bookstore next door.
"Fine." Mom sighed, finally, while we were in line to pay. "Go ahead."
I probably left a doppler effect in my wake. Getting out of the store and next door. I made a beeline for my favorite section and began scanning for new books by my favorite authors.
"Can I help you find something?"
I half turned, prepared to explain, yet again, that I was older than I looked and didn't need the children's books thanks when I saw him.
It wasn't that his clothes fit him badly, mind you. Quite the contrary, actually, as that shirt molded itself to his broad shoulders and tapered to tuck into pants that hugged every curve of his thick, muscular legs. He just looked like he should be on a beach somewhere in nothing but a speedo. Probably selling something.
My mouth felt like all the moisture had been sucked out of it. What the hell was he doing in my bookstore, in my little town?
"Everything all right?"
"Fine." I answered faintly, my eyes fixating on those grey eyes. "Just fine. How are you?"
"I'm good, thank you for asking." He smiled and I felt like I had just melted into a puddle. "Were you looking for anything in particular? Or just browsing?"
"Browsing," I said. The wrong answer as he nodded and turned and walked away.
I hated to see him leave. But, watching him go was a real treat as those slacks bunched around the nicest butt I had seen in my short life.
Hell, it is still the nicest and I've seen a lot more since.
"So, did you find anything?" Mom interrupted dreams that I didn't really understand as yet.
How can I put this nicely? I was a bit... behind my classmates in the division between boys and girls and exactly what it meant for me personally.
Oh, I understood where babies came from and such. Probably better than my classmates since I actually took the time to read.
Sorry. That was ugly and uncalled for.
Anyway, I knew the mechanics. But, why exactly a girl would want to let a boy do those things to her was beyond me. At least until I met him.
Losing a school girl crush to your Mom, sucks. I don't know how else to say it.
I'm not much into melodrama. But, my fourteen year old self wanted to die when he came to the house one evening just as I had dreamed and then took my mom out to dinner.
The thing is, a lot of things get crushed. But, sometimes, like with coal for example, the more you try to crush it, the stronger it becomes.
You see, he didn't just look good. He read. And as he spent more time around my mother, he spent more time around me as well. And we had similar taste in books. And smart? I truly believe that he could have been or done anything he wanted to.
I remember this one science project I had...
Never mind. You are already wondering when I'm going to get back to that dark and stormy night, I'm sure. I'll get there. But, it's important to me that you see why I did what I did.
Anyway, he was quite a bit younger than Mom. Actually, he was closer to my age than he was to hers.
I started to have these fantasies that he would see me and decide that he wanted me instead of her.
I think if he had, I would have gotten over him. But, it was still a fantasy I had.
That house of cards came tumbling down when they married when I was sixteen. I know it probably puzzled him when I pulled him aside and begged him to make Mom happy and then cried on his chest until his shirt was soaked. He had no idea how hard it was for me to keep my mouth shut when the preacher asked if there was anyone who saw any reason these two should not be joined. But, saying "because I want him" at your own mother's wedding is a bit much.
I think I'll skip over the next two years. Let's just say I didn't take the disappointment well and acted out a little.
The big climax, if I may be permitted the pun, was when the cops pulled me out of a van with a lot of alcohol and no clothing. And I was the only girl with six boys.
I suppose you might say that I was trying to find the quality he had in quantity.
The courts decided I needed to go away for awhile. I came home on my eighteenth birthday. He picked me up at the bus station.
When he hugged me and kissed the top of my head and told me that he had missed me, it did what two years of acting out and three months of that place couldn't.
It broke me totally. I cried into his shirt once more like a hurt child. I don't know how long I cried, but the bus had left once more and we were the only people still standing around that didn't work there.
"Come on." He said gently. "Let me take you home."
Home. He was my home. No matter what, I would not forget that again.
At home, though, things were strange. Mom had decorated and baked a cake. And both seemed really really happy to see me. But, there was a ... tension between them that I didn't understand.
Finally, I got Mom alone.
"Mom?" I asked. "Is everything okay between you and Dad?"
"Of course, it is sweetie." Mom busied herself picking up the debris from our dinner. "What a thing to ask."
"Mom?" I got up and wormed my way under her arm. I twisted my head to look up at her as I clasped my hands around her waist. "Mom, you know I'll just ask him if you don't tell me."
"And he would probably tell you too." She sighed. "You two always were like two peas in a pod."
I was startled to see a tear trickle from Mom's eye.
"Mom, you're scaring me." I said.
"Oh, honey. It'll be fine." She said, giving me a brisk hug and wiping at her eyes. "We just got a little surprise is all."
I knew that they had wanted other kids besided me. But, this didn't seem like a happy surprise.
"What kind of surprise?" I asked.
"Well, you know how we've been trying to give you a little brother or sister." Mom said. "Well, that won't be happening."
"And that is fine with me."
We both jumped at his deep voice right behind us. His strong arms slid around both of us and held us tight.
"I am perfectly content with my perfect wife." He kissed mother's head. "And my perfect daughter." He kissed mine. "And our perfect little family just the way it is."
I don't know how, but I knew he was lying. More, I knew there was something else they weren't telling me.
"I don't understand." I said. "What, are you guys doing it wrong or something?"
"We do just fine." Mom said tartly. "Better than fine in fact."
"Mmm. I'll say." He lowered his head to kiss her.
"Eww." I said to hide the combination of jealousy and the desire to have him kiss me with those lips. "Get a room, guys."
I knew immediately that I had said something wrong the way they both tensed up, but not what exactly.
"You two go sit down and catch up." Mom shooed us both out of the kitchen and bustled about cleaning up.
"Dad?" I whispered. "What's going on?"
He looked at me with that measuring look he always had. I don't quite know how to explain how good it made me feel when he looked at me as if trying to decide if I could handle it and then telling me anyway.
When you are short and skinny and look like a twelve year old at eighteen, it's unusual for people to treat you like an adult. If I had to pick one thing, I think that is what made me love him the most. He always treated me like a responsible, thinking person. Even when I was going out of my way to prove I wasn't.
"It's cancer." He said. "She's going to have to have a full hysterectomy. And they don't know if that will get it all."
"Oh my God." I clapped my hand over my mouth and looked back at the kitchen where she was still bustling about. I could feel the water works filling again. "How long does she have?"
"Hey, hey now." He pulled me close and nuzzled my hair again. "It's not like that. No one is talking about 'how long'. It's just causing her some pain. They're going to cut it out and then we'll see."
"How bad of pain is she in?" I asked.
"Well, she tells me it's like twelve months of cramps rolled into one. Except it doesn't stop."
"Ow." I winced. My own cramps bordered on legendary and had kept me in bed more than once. "So, um... what about you two?"
"What about us two, what?" He asked.
"Well, I mean. If she's in that kind of pain." I faltered. "I mean it just kind of seems like, well, you know, she wouldn't be interested. I mean I know I'm not during the cramps."
"It's been awhile." He admitted, slowly.
"That's got to be tough on her." I said.
"How do you mean?"
Typical male. I almost snorted.
"I mean, you two used to go at it night and day." I rolled my eyes. "I used to have to put a pillow over my head and another under it like a sandwich to get to sleep. And, she wasn't exactly quiet about how much she was enjoying it. It's got to be tough going without. Blue ovaries deluxe."
"Bl-lue o-ovaries?" He chuckled.
"Yeah," I said. "Like blue balls only much much worse. So, have you been able to do anything for her?"
"Yeah." He sighed. "Lay on my side and let her snuggle up behind me and use my butt for a heating pad."
Ok, truthfully, there wasn't "a plan". Seriously. Part of it was that it had always been a bit of a secret turn-on for me to talk about sex with him. Sort of the next best thing to doing it.
Part of it was, that I really did feel for Mom. If she enjoyed sex anywhere near as much as I did, then my recent experience of going without told me exactly how much she was suffering. And since we had the same genes, and based on the sounds she would make when they kept me awake, I would assume she enjoyed it at least as much as I did.
I wasn't trying to get him worked up hoping that something would happen between us. Honest, I wasn't.