Dales a Devilish Day

Thank you for reading my short story, I hope that you enjoy it. Love Mica xx, Yorkshire England. All email comments good or bad welcomed. I will try and reply to each and every one but please note that all email comments from an invalid email address will be deleted immediately and will not be read. Rude or abusive comments may result in blocking. Please note that I write in British English.

This is another story set in the Yorkshire Dales.

I had made myself a cup of tea and was sat at the front of the cottage just enjoying the late morning air. It was warm for the time of the year, and it was dry too, no dampness, even the grass felt dry underfoot. A big storm was forecast for the end of the week but I wasn't going to worry about that, right now was warm and dry, hawks were flying and wheeling, their screeches echoing around the dale.

I sat back in my chair, my legs forwards, my dress about halfway up my thighs, the warm air circulating around, a warm tea in my hand, and I felt wonderful, everything was going well. A movement caught my attention, I looked along the track to my cottage, about two miles of track before you get to the country lane, and in the distance I saw a moving figure.

Oh, really? Way to spoil my day, this is a private track, there is no public footpath, no right of way and there are signs at the beginning of the track clearly stating so. The figure was getting closer and closer and as I could finally make out more detail, it was a man with a small goatee style beard, dressed in black and striding purposefully. Let's hope he strides just as purposefully on his way back when I send him packing. He walked up to the cottage and stopped.

"Oh, it's you," I said, "what do you want?"

"I fancied a walk."

"Lucy, this is private property, you can't just march up here on a whim."

"Actually, I can, I can go anywhere I want, King of hell and all that, kind of gives me a carte blanche so to speak."

"No Lucy, it actually doesn't, not here. Now state your business and leave."

"Oh Mica, Mica, Mica, you are so unwelcoming."

"That would be because I don't want any visitors."

"But I am not just any visitor."

"Yes you are."

"But I am special."

"Not to me. Now leave."

"Your cruelty knows no boundaries."

"Leave."

"Can I get a cup of tea?"

"No. Anyway, why did you walk and not just materialise here? Was your satnav set wrong?"

"I fancied a walk."

"Yeah, you set the satnav wrong."

A chair materialised in front of me and Lucy, AKA Lucifer Morningstar, AKA The Devil, sat down in front of me. We had met before and I recall I got the upper hand over him, seducing him when he was supposed to resist me. He left a bit abruptly after he lost.

"What ever happened to that demon that tried to take my soul?"

"Expunged from existence."

"Ah. I suppose there is always room for one less demon."

"No, not really, but even for a demon, he was remarkably inept. He should never have tried to take the soul from a watcher."

Lucy refers to me as a watcher. I don't know what that means, apparently, we are rare. All I know is that I can see the unseeable creatures, faeries, gods, angels, Death himself, and so on. It just complicates my life as far as I am concerned. I didn't ask to be a watcher, I didn't apply for the job, and I have no idea what being a watcher entails. What am I supposed to do? I sure as hell don't know.

"Why are you here Lucy?"

"I fancied a walk, and also, perhaps a chat, you know, a conversation."

I put my now empty mug onto the grass besides me and looked across at him. Even sitting he was quite tall, and almost handsome, if you like the tall dark look. I guessed not an ounce of spare fat anywhere on his body, and anyway, was his body real, or was it a construct in my mind? Who could tell with mythical creatures.

"Chat about what?"

"I am thinking of retiring?"

"What?"

"Yes, I have had this job a long time and I feel I have given it my all, I cannot add anything new to it, time for me to retire."

"You are of course joking." What a stupid notion, the devil thinking he could retire.

"Oh no, very serious, hence me coming to talk to you, I though if anyone could understand, it would be you."

"Eternity is a long time, and I guess you have so far, being running hell for all of eternity, up until now, but eternity has a long way yet to go. You can't just give up."

"Why not, I have turned every stone, there is nothing new in hell, I am bored with torturing souls."

"Here's an idea, don't torture them."

"But that is what hell is all about."

"It is about what you want it to be. Change it, make it better than heaven."

"Oh you wouldn't want to go there, it is full off fluffy lambs and cherubs playing harps, it is sickeningly sweet and sickly."

"Sounds Idyllic." It did actually sound a bit much. I wasn't sure what heaven would really be like, England on a warm sunny day would have been my guess. As for hell, I kind of assumed it would be something that had really irritated you in life, but played on repeat, never changing. Who really knew? Apart from God and the Devil I supposed, they would know.

"Your humour is what I enjoy."

"Well, fill Hell with my humour and pop off back there and leave me alone."

"Obviously I couldn't do that unless you were attached to the humour."

"Oh you are being silly. Take Hell, and make it beautiful, and wonderful, take away the stresses and make it a nice place to be. No cherubs though. In fact, if you want music, you could use bagpipes. That would be different."

"I thought I could have a sensible conversation with you, it appears I was wrong."

"Oh you could have a sensible conversation if you wanted, but you won't engage, you just want me to ratify your ideas."

"Is that what you think?"

"Yes, you are not really interested in my ideas, you have already decided what you want to do, and all you want me to say is 'what a great idea Lucy, go and do it,' and then you will be all justified and can say it was my idea when it goes wrong."

He sat quietly looking at me. And then he stood and flexed his wings and then put them away again, was that to impress me? Well, it didn't. I already know he is an angel, albeit a fallen one, so why flap his wings, was that in frustration, was I getting to him again?

"Okay, you are right. Sort of. I did want you to say it was a great idea, but only because I thought it was."

"Shall we start again?"

"Yes. I am bored. I need to re-invent Hell, or leave and hand over to someone else. Michael perhaps."

"Why are you bored, surely you are supposed to be finding infinite and varied ways of inflicting suffering on the fallen that are sent there."

"That is so old hat. There are actually only around one thousand seven hundred and thirty three different ways of being evil, and I long ago devised ways for the perpetrators of each those evils to be punished. There is nothing new."

"So go on holiday. Go back to the garden, eat an apple, lay in the sun, wrangle asps or something."

"As if they would let me in."

"You must know a back way? If not just hop over the hedge that goes around it. You are supposed to be capable of mischief, or was that Loki, I forget, go and create some mischief."

"It is not quite that simple. Do you know the punishment for sneaking into the Garden of Eden?"

"No, what is the punishment?"

"I have no idea, I hoped that you would know."

"Good grief, sometimes, just sometimes, you are like a long-discarded ex-husband."

"What?"

"Forget it."

"It is going to be terrible."

"Really? What can they do? You have already been thrown out, what could worse? The King of torment and suffering hauled back into Heaven and sent to a really nice jail where all they do is pamper to your every whim and pleasure you all day, ensuring that you are never tormented nor never suffer?"

"Now that would be something, I wonder if that could work downstairs in Hell?"

"Why don't you go and try it and leave me alone?"

He stood up, his wings flexed, and he was gone. There was a small pop of air where he had been, and then he wasn't there anymore. God, he is annoying, and why me? Why pick on me to annoy?

I picked my mug up and went back into the cottage putting the mug in the sink. I went outside to pick up my chair and carry that in and was sidetracked by the stars. The night had fallen as I had been talking with Lucifer and they were the clearest and brightest that I had seen them for a very long time. Saturn was especially bright, perhaps I should get a telescope, but then I thought, no, once you've seen Saturn as a small fuzzy image in a telescope, you've seen Saturn as a small fuzzy image in a telescope. There is nowhere to go from there unless you spend a few million to see a slightly larger fuzzy image in your million pound telescope.

In the morning I took a shower before going downstairs and putting the kettle on. I threw my robe on over my otherwise naked body and padded down to the kitchen, glad for my slippers, the stone floor was cold. As I went outside the sun was warming and the light frost was melting and the birds were concluding their morning orchestrations. Perhaps still a little cool for sitting outside, I went back into the kitchen and made my morning pot of tea.

I sat at the open door, the warmth from the kitchen keeping me comfortable, a deer ran past in the field opposite, little cover now that the hay had been harvested, and so the deer was hurrying, although I was not sure what natural predators are left in the UK these days. Mik's little white car was coming up the track, I hadn't expected him, but he knows he is always welcome, and if he happens to arrive when I am otherwise 'occupied', well, he's a big boy now, and nothing should faze him.

He parked in the barn and came to the door, "Hello mum," he greeted.

"Come in, tea in the pot if you want some."

"Yes, I will, thanks."

He passed behind me and there was the general cacophony of tea being poured and milked and stirred, a chair scraping across the floor, and then he sat next to me and supped at his tea.

"What brings you here?" I asked

"Needed a break."

"Okay. Connie?" Connie is his girlfriend.

"A bit, just needed some space."

"Okay, and you thought 'I know, mum is all alone up at the cottage, I shall go and make her not alone.'

"Something like that."

"I see, and any expectations?"

"Well, it would be nice, you know."

"Yes, I am sure it would, well, not until you have showered young man."

"I'll finish my tea first mum," he laughed.

I looked at an Elm sapling planted in the front garden and raised an eyebrow at it, it raised its branches as if in a shrug. I finished my tea and stood and walked to the sing and put my empty mug in the sink for later washing, filling it with plain water in the interim. Mik handed me his mug and turned to go upstairs.

"I'll go for a shower then mum, if that's okay?"

"Oh yes, definitely okay."

I went to shut the front door. "Kids," the Elm sapling said.

"Tell me about it," I replied as I closed the front door and turned to join my son upstairs.

Upstairs Mik was drying himself in the bathroom, I smiled and walked into my bedroom. I took my robe off and lay on the bed waiting for him to join me. I wondered what he wanted today, as if I didn't know, I had to be honest, I wasn't hugely in the mood, I may perhaps give him a service.

Mik walked into my bedroom. "Looking good mum, in fact, very good."

"Thank you son, you are looking quite exceptional yourself. Come and lay down and let me make you happy." I didn't really fancy a shag, yet I didn't want to disappoint Mik, and so I had other plans to ease his tensions. Mik lay down next to me and I sat up and bent forward, my mouth at his crotch.

I blew on his dick and lightly placed my hand around his shaft, increasing the pressure until I was squeezing quite hard. I pulled his foreskin down, revealing his glans, purple and moist with his arousal. I licked the end of his dick, my tongue playing around the hole in the end and then along the rim, before sucking his dick into my mouth. Reaching underneath I took his balls and caressed them in my other hand. I loved the feel of how his balls moved around inside their sac. I liked to squeeze them a little, just a little, enough to make him groan, but not to really hurt. Does every woman like to do that I wonder, a bit like men like to pinch and squeeze our nipples.

As I played with his balls I moved my mouth up and down on his dick, applying suction as I moved, my tongue rubbing on his glans, my saliva wetting and soaking his dick as I moved. Things were getting very lubricated in my mouth and the rough end of my tongue was stimulating his glans, Mik was beginning to gasp and clutch at the bed, I knew he wouldn't be long.

I began to take him deeper, my nose pressing against his pubis, his dick slipping past my tonsils and into my throat and my hand tugged a little at his balls, before lightening it's touch, barely contacting, just enough to tickle and stimulate. Mik suddenly pushed hard into my mouth and he grunted loudly as his dick erupted inside my throat, spurt after spurt going down my throat to flood my stomach.

He gasped and eased back, relaxing onto the bed.

"That was a bit one sided mum," he said as his chest heaved.

"Not at all, I loved that. I love that I can make you happy, that makes me happy."

"Are you sure? I will happily return the favour."

"No baby, I am fine, I loved that, I love the taste and feel of you in my mouth."

"Well I wish Connie felt the same."

"Don't rush it baby, she is young, like you, it takes us women a while to appreciate the moments."

He closed his eyes, and a soft snore began as he fell asleep. I laid back next to him and closed my eyes, and as my eyes closed suddenly I felt myself moving, I was wrapped in what felt like a blanket of feathers and when I opened my eyes, all was dark, yet white. Bloody Lucy.

I came to a stop and the feathers unfurled and I could see. I was in what looked like a pleasant little garden, a beck running to one side, a tall leafy tree providing shade from the hot sun. Crows were screeching as they flew about the garden, and other larger birds were wheeling high up in the sky.

"Well?" Lucy asked as he stood to my side.

"You interrupted me." I answered trying to put some anger into my voice.

"You had finished, he was asleep."

"You watched, did you get off on that?"

"Don't be absurd."

"What is this, this, where is it, this place?"

"This is your idea, I have remodelled hell."

"This garden?"

"Where are the song birds, the spring lambs?"

"Yeah, about them, they were eaten. Sorry, but it is hell."

"So, not exactly what I suggested then?"

"As near as is possible, given the available resources."

"Don't give me that, you have infinite resources."

"You'd think, but no. This is the nearest it is possible to get."

"You need to lose the birds."

He flicked his hand and the crows and high wheeling birds just ceased to exist, the garden somehow seemed calmer."

"You said the lambs and song birds were eaten, what by?"

"The birds that you just got rid of."

"Bring the lambs and song birds back, but not the other birds that ate them."

He flicked his fingers and little birds flittered in the sky, and lambs jumped and gambolled.

"Better," I said.

"Well?"

"Well what?" I replied

"What do you think?"

"What is their torment, those that come here?"

"Oh, yes, that."

"Yes, that. What is it?"

A couple appeared under the shade of the tree. They seemed to be bickering. He tried to touch her, she pushed him away.

"That," Lucifer said, "they will argue for eternity. He wants her, she wants someone else. But the surroundings are nice, don't you think?"

"For all eternity?"

"Yes, but the garden is nice."

"You really didn't get the point did you?"

"I did, you didn't."

"What do you mean? You said you had devised all the scenarios for the one thousand seven hundred and thirty three different ways of being evil that you declared that there was, well, try and identify one thousand seven hundred and thirty three different scenarios for being pleasant to the evil doers."

"Yeas. Hell doesn't work like that."

"Of course it does, if you say it does. Hell works how you declare it works."

Music appeared, reels were playing, and he walked up and stood in front of me. He was wearing a kilt, and I was wearing a white blouse and a tartan skirt. I found myself jigging on the spot with my hands clasped behind my back, and then we both moved in circles in front of each other and then we crossed paths, promenading as we jigged. This went on for several minutes and then we transitioned into what felt like the gay Gordons.

We stopped and our clothes disappeared again and we were standing naked in the garden of hell.

"What the hell was that?" I asked

"Country dancing, one of my pleasant scenarios."

"You are completely mad. How long would that last?"

"For Eternity. I have over three thousand dances that people would enjoy."

"Enjoy? No, not unless they were mentally deranged."

"That could be arranged of course."

"Mad, utterly mad."

"And then there are the other options I could employ in a garden, picnics for example, but of course, as you know, what is the one thing that ruins a picnic?"

"Wasps."

"Yes. There would of course be lots of wasps, very stingy hornets and wasps."

"This really isn't what I suggested."

"Maybe not, but it is hell after all."

"But it needn't be, it could be just like heaven, but with a little less sugar. Picnics, but no wasps, lovers, but no arguments, no apples to cause trouble. It could so easily be that. But no, although you profess that you are fed up of being the devil, you are not at all, you just had run out of ideas, and you needed me to be the catalyst for new ideas. You should be ashamed of yourself."

"Obviously, as the devil, I cannot actually be ashamed." He flicked his fingers, and the scene seemed to soften. A blanket appeared on the ground and sandwiches and pickles and napkins appeared. There was also collection of brightly decorated fairy cakes. It was a typical picnic.

"So, where are the wasps?" I asked.

"There are none, sit, let us enjoy."

Oddly enough I have never sat naked in a garden and consumed a picnic, I mean I have eaten food naked on many an occasion, but never as a picnic in a garden with lambs frolicking. I sat as demurely as was possible, a napkin across my lap helped. He passed me a cucumber sandwich and a small pork pie. I accepted with grace and took a small bite of the sandwich, expecting it somehow to be acrid in taste. It was delicious, I took a larger mouthful.

Lucy was eating pickles along with cheese sandwiches.

"This is really nice," I said, "well done."

"Thank you," he replied, it is, er, pleasant."

"And doesn't pleasant feel good?"

"This is not a concept or a feeling I am used to, or in fact comfortable with."

"Get used to it, it is good."

We sat and we ate sandwiches and pies, and then jelly and cream appeared. Strawberry jelly, and luscious double cream, it was a perfect end to a wonderful picnic. Lucy somehow managed to be sat next to me. He dipped his head, held my face and kissed me. It seems I was in the moment and I kissed him back, our strawberry flavoured tongues wrestling as I found myself laying back on the grass, the aroma of freshly cut lawn hanging in the air.

His hand found my breast and caressed it, fingers finding my nipple, gently squeezing, twisting and his other hand stroking the inside of my thigh, not quite touching my sex, but perilously close, small electrical fizzes building in my groin as he got closer and closer.

His face pulled from mine and dipped down, sucking my nipple into his mouth, his tongue pressing at my nipple, his other hand gently stroking along the crease of my sex. I sighed, you know the sigh, that sigh, and my back felt lighter as my back arched away from the grass. Lucy went lower, his tongue probing my navel, circling, pressing, and then he kissed my mons.