The warmth of the sun's penetrating rays embraced my waking body the next morning. Kicking back the bed covers, I stretched my arms and legs, then arched my back as images of the previous night swam through my mind. I felt wonderful and whole. "Wow," I muttered before reaching down to fondle my tumescent penis.
Then bolting upright, I repeated "Wow," this time aloud. Realizing that the angle of the rays could only indicate that it was late morning, my startled brain thought, "It's Monday, and the shop opens at seven." Jumping from the bed I said, 'Crap," and then "Crap" again while I fumbled around for my clothes.
After hastily brushing my teeth, I scrambled down the hall past Dad's room, worrying about his reaction to my oversleeping. One of our agreements was that I would never be late to work. He hated it when employees were late to work, and it was already, I stopped to check the clock in the kitchen, "Shit, eleven thirty" I yelled out loud.
Grabbing a banana from the counter I bolted to the front door before freezing in mid-flight as an image from the previous night came crashing into my mind. "Did that really happen?" I thought. Then I remembered that it did and my legs shook while I stumbled to the couch; my stomach was suddenly in knots. "Oh shit, shit, shit," frantically tumbled out of my mouth.
Bent forward by feelings of nausea, I cupped my head with my hands. "You had sex with your father last night," roared a cold accusation in my head.
Sitting on the couch my mind became a messy jumble of thoughts overlapping, looping around then doubling back, and in no ways coherent. My insides jangled from alternating feelings of horror, shame, pleasure and lust. In an attempt to calm my unraveling nerves, I tried to decide what I should make of our encounter. Searching inside me for an emotional point of view that was familiar; I found none. Everything which I had been known for certain seemed all akimbo.
"What does this mean?" I thought. I tried to calm down by inhaling deeply. "What happens next?" There was surely some action that I could take to quell my growing panic.
Dad hadn't come in to wake me. Was he angry? Upset? Did he regret what we did? Did I imagine it?
"Go to work", the words shouted in my head. "Get to work and just act normal," I repeated aloud. "Fat chance," I heard an alternative voice mutter in my mind.
I rose to leave the house. Shakily I opened the door and began the short walk to the metal building near the road. Though I was feeling stronger, my legs still were trembling with each step. Hunger gnawed at my stomach. Stripping back the banana peel I took a bite, and then a larger bite as I opened the back door to the shop before standing still, with a half-eaten banana in my mouth, greeted by the stares of Raul and Reynaldo.
"I'm late," I mumbled through the banana.
Raul turned to the older Mexican man and, extending his hand toward Reynaldo, twisted it side to side while mouthing in Spanish, "Mucho puta." Both men dissolved into fits of giggles and coughs as I walked past them.
"Where's my dad?" I asked.
"Houston," was the only reply.
"Oh my god," I exhaled when I remembering that he was going down south today for a meeting on a bid that he'd placed for some custom tools for an off-shore oil well job. "How could you forget," I asked myself. Then I knew why I had forgotten.
I realized that was why he hadn't waked me. "He must have left at five or five thirty," I muttered to myself. With the realization that he wouldn't be back until later in the day I relaxed a bit and, under the guise of feeling normal, began gathering some parts that I had planned to spend this week organizing in bins.
After a while I was beginning to feel somewhat better. Later in the day, while absorbed in an activity, I realized that Hank, the skinny blonde, had been following me with his eyes since I had arrived. "Like a cat," I thought.
"What?" I snarled harshly at him. After my blurting out, "What's with the stares?" he turned away with a sneer.
Mumbling to myself "Fuck you Hank" I went back to my work.
Despite my busy work the time seemed to crawl. Raul took care of any business that arrived, mostly inquiries. The other men, Reynaldo and Hank, were busy with their own jobs. I began to feel somewhat better though I knew nothing would be resolved until I could talk with my dad about last night.
What was I going to say anyway? What was he going to say?
"You give great head, son."
"Thanks Dad, any time."
I caught Hank staring at me again. This was my time to scowl until he turned away. "Trailer trash" I quietly uttered my mother's favorite term for people like Hank. "At least he still has his teeth," I thought.
Still, I paused to look at him; despite his greasy hair there was something about him that was kind of cute. He did have sexy arms, wiry but muscular; and a nice mouth. And I did have to admit that the way his butt rose high in his tight jeans was interesting.
"Damn," I said slamming down the wrench that I'd been cleaning. A stiffy was happening in my pants from eyeballing Hank.
About four thirty Dad's truck pulled into the gravel apron in front of the building. Raul went out to greet him and they stood outside talking for at least ten minutes. My dad then handed him some drawings and came into the shop.
"Hola machismos," he called out. Reynaldo looked up from welding and gave a slight salute. Hank smiled broadly at him, like he was really glad to see him. Scowling, I thought to myself, "What the fuck is that about."
I grew anxious when I realized that he was coming over to me. He set down some mail that he was carrying and said in a voice not much above a whisper, "You doing okay today?" accompanied by a light pat on my shoulder. My tension instantly deflated.
"I had trouble getting up this morning," I admitted.
Laughing as he turned to go away he said, "Well, I think we can give you that one."
That was it, nothing more was said.
He walked through the open doors of the shop and called out to Raul, "You'll need to close up buddy, and I'm meeting with Marilyn in 30 minutes." Marilyn was his accountant. Lifting his arms as though pleading to the skies he said aloud to no one, "Damn quarterly taxes."
I was watching him start the truck and then pull toward the shop when a finger signaled through the open window for me to come out. I walked up and he said, "You'll have to fend dinner for yourself tonight; I'll probably be late getting home." Saying nothing else he pulled away as I gave a slight wave of goodbye.
Simple, easy, what was I so panicked about? But with no acknowledgement whatsoever of last night from him, that felt odd.
Turning to go back into the shop I said "Good night," to Reynaldo as he passed me going to his car while in the shop Raul busied about closing up. "Can I help close up?" I asked him. "No," was his reply, "see you manana."
I headed for the back door just as Hank stepped out of the rest room slicking back his hair.
"Night," I mumbled while lowering my head when I passed him. I heard a grunt in reply.
"Go home to your fat, ugly wife and kid, you bastard," I muttered to myself. "I guess he's jealous of me," I thought, ticking off the reasons why. Why shouldn't he be? My Dad's his boss. He's a high school drop out saddled with a wife and kid; I'm going to college; he's short and skinny; I'm better looking. But then I remembered my reaction when I watched him earlier this afternoon and wondered, "Still."
Later that evening, after a dinner of peanut butter and jelly sandwiches, I made efforts to district myself from thoughts of the previous night with my father. Channel surfing through the television I switched from one program to another with no success.
Finally, in frustration, I went into the back yard thinking that a walk might settle me down. For most of the evening I had been unable to separate myself from the concerned I had about my Dad's reaction. Though he had seemed casual enough during our brief encounters today, there was no indication of what he was thinking.
Worse yet, I didn't know myself what I thought about the time we had spent at the pond. Certainly it had aroused me enough so that I had experienced my first real sex with another man. I had messed with a buddy in high school, but it had been nothing like what had happened last night. I had long been very aware of my attractions to some other men. However, for my first experience to be with my own father was disturbing me. "Was it wrong?" I thought to myself.