For a long time, I have thought the free, streaming porn sites were one of the greatest of humanity's technological inventions. Of course, as a successful, small-town general practitioner, as a trusted, board-certified medical doctor and respected member of the community, I would never say those things out loud.
But, my community would not want to know the real reasons why my wife left me all those years ago, and why she took our kids, neither.
No, indeed, the good people of Roseville would not want to know that responsible, hardworking Doctor Darryl F. Paul could not keep his dirty dick out any fast, easy, fun, or at least, persuadable woman, and would step out of his happy home to go find such ladies out.
Shit, I was a real rascal in those days.
Seriously fucked up madonna-whore complex I inherited from my own drunk parents, back in the Georgia hill country I came from. But that ain't this story.
Barely fucked my wife after she had our kids. Instead, I used to pay sex workers up in Atlanta and down in Tampa, double if they'd let me bareback them. They all would, and did. After all, I was a rich, handsome doctor with a wedding ring that I never took off and a dick that looked as clean and fresh to all these professional ladies as it should, given how easy and sure I made the double-for-bareback offer. Cash ready and out, a big stack of Benjamin Franklins right there on the dresser, that was all hers for the taking, if she agreed to risk feeling so good to me that I might need to start seeing her monthly just for this, and at this rate. Especially since they might have been referred to me from one of their other friends who took double-for-bareback with a clean-groomed and rich-smelling, fit older man.
Anyway, the sex workers were an improvement after the first time my wife threatened to leave me after I started hooking up with the nurses and clerks who staffed our small-town medical practice. My wife did part-time at the front desk of our medical practice, and it was humiliating for her to realize that her husband, and the father of her daughter, had fucked every woman she knew in her day-to-day life, and she was the last to find out.
All these other women knew I fucked around on my wife, and they all knew and most worked with my wife and I, and they kept fucking me anyway, over months and over years, until right before my wife got pregnant with our son (even a married couple that's starting to hate each other slips-up and fucks sometimes, especially when my wife is baby-mad and willing to forgive all my sins for awhile every twenty-eight days when she was ovulating).
I think she hated that all these women got one over on her, and had done so, big time; I think she was maddest not that these tramps had opened their legs for me, had bent over for me and gotten on their knees for me, took it up the ass for me, and other things I never did with my wife, but I think she was maddest that all these women she had struggled to be kind to and make friends with, with whom she had been all smiles and remembering birthdays; and she had to realize that all of these women had actually hated her so much so as to fuck her own husband behind her back for months and for years, without so much as a clue, a word, a hint of guilt.
Being a small-town doctor is a lot like being a local celebrity, because you meet so many of your neighbors, you meet them as an authority figure, and because you're richer than most of them combined would ever be, or could ever be, and I've got more years of school after high school alone, than they have at all.
What I'm saying is, there's a sharp power imbalance and I'll be damned if I didn't take fullest advantage.
But when the shit all hit the fan with my marriage that first time, I sold my practice and we moved to a small city. I took a job at a very profitable hospital system, my wife and I made up, we made our next kid, our first son. I worked a ton, we socked away even more money, I got a new truck, my wife got a new Minivan (told you she was baby-mad and family-crazy), I finally got a boat, the successful doctor's first big waste of money, and instead of fucking civilians, instead of shitting where I ate and fucking any woman nearby whom I could seduce, I swore off all the nurses and clerks and pharmaceutical reps and pharmacists and pharmaceutical techs and Resp Techs and nurse's aides and physical therapists and art therapists and music therapists and social workers and any other woman, always in a non-equal economic role to me; some who wanted me to leave my wife and some who knew that it was just fun and some who wanted the thrill of fucking this small-town, local celebrity who was so rich and so fancily educated. When my wife and I split for good, she still gave me shit about this, but I tried to tell her, the fucked-up way I was raised, some women were for fucking, and some women were for wifing, and you should never do with your wife what you did with the women who fucked you so easily without being married to you.
The unmistakable implication being that your wife should not want to do the things, put her mouth in the places, that these other women do. A wife should not want to satisfy her own fucked-up kinky urges to be choked or spanked or all the other fun that you can have in a medical office with women who are not your wife and the mother of your children.
Look, maybe that backwards, sacred-profane worldview was the only thing that gave me the discipline to survive medical school and heal and help so many people over my life. I'm old enough now, I don't judge the roller coaster, I just ride it, and keep screaming.
This is me winking.
So baby two comes along, life goes along, and to keep it all together, to stop from fucking the other women, I start taking trips to the medical conferences in Vegas, in New Orleans, in any major city that had plenty of options on the escort website pages. The conferences were usually junkets run by the pharmaceutical companies, fake seminars when we would get credit for continuing-education medical board requirements, state licensing stuff, all that administrative junk, and learn that--miraculously--the sponsoring drug maker's newest pill was not only a miracle cure for most of our patients, but even better, it was a miracle cure that could only cure them so long as they kept taking it regularly without fail, or it would suddenly, potentially, well, there have been some side-effects but, hey, here is our Corporate Legal Counsel to present on what the AMA Rules say you are allowed to say to a patient who mentions any of those pesky and not-conclusively-demonstrated alleged side-effects.
The best thing is the Corporate Legal Counsel is often some sexy, dragonlady with big hair like the female lead in any eighties film; all serious and severe but living the corporate good life and able to afford all the personal groomers, aestheticians, cosmeticians, facialists, stylists, eyebrow threaders, and personal trainers to make the room full of swinging, money-and-sex loving doctors, undress her with their eyes the entire time she's swaggering and flirting on stage.
But it's so easy at these conferences to be nothing but professional with my professional colleagues. Nothing but professional with all the staff and Pharma Reps and Marketing Execs and all the adorable women there supporting their bosses, nothing but handshakes and smiles. All because, I've already booked my methadone in advance.
That's when the escorts got into the contacts on my secret burner phone. That's when I got the second smart-phone for all the college-age women from the arrangement-seeking websites. That's when the era began, the era of double-to-bareback the nice, innocent, amateur or semi-amateur sex worker with the heart of gold. So much money flowing in, that it was nothing to make a young, hardened lady feel comfortable enough to take a risk that she would take in her personal life, anyway. I was honoring the ancient tradition of providing lavishly for my wife and family, keeping them in perfect comfort, while I spoiled the women who made me feel like a man, made me feel unconstrained, rebellious and free, strings unattached, for as long as I needed to feel that way, so I could come home to that wife and family, so comfortable.
Years of peace. Years of prosperity. Intimacy with my wife, casual and regular enough again, that baby three comes along in the middle of this Pax Escorta. The peace of the Concubines.
And then, one day, there's the last peaceful sunset.
When your wife finds out that you are not fucking her friends and neighbors anymore (mostly because she refuses to let you meet any of her new friends, and as a modern man and father, you have almost no friends of your own, anyway), but, she learns, that you have now been--"for years, you motherfucker!!!"--paying sex workers extra to have unprotected sex with them, and then having the occasional, but at least monthly sex with your wife; sometimes making love with her even the very same night after you've returned from one of these conferences, or from a fishing trip with "the boys" on the new boat, when y'all slept aboard ship overnight, anchored just off-shore...
... and when she learns it, it mostly comes out in one, big, huge, multi-count indictment covering years of how her husband regulated his extremely-lucrative madness with professional women who meant nothing and have no strings on him, but then some other extent of it comes out, like the gifts to some of the women for no reason, or how one was at a family event like a concert or a graduation, way back in one of the last rows, but then, after she learns it all or at least all she needs for her emotional jury to convict on all counts of that multi-year indictment with beyond-a-reasonable-doubt certainty, there comes the day, the real day, which is the day that...you... learn that she has learned...