Graduation was nice. You know you sit and listen to all the speeches from the Dean and the President of the University. They tell you how prepared you are for the future, and how opportunity is just a handshake or a knock on the door away.
Yeah, that sounds nice in a speech. Then you wake up the next morning, and reality hits you in the face. I'd been staying with the Dean and his wife while working in his office and finishing my senior year. But, as a graduate who wasn't planning on attending school anymore for awhile, my job kind of dried up. Though Dean Martin and his wife said nothing, there's a little voice in my head that tells me I've overstayed my welcome. I'm sure some people would ignore that voice, but I'm not one of them. It was just a feeling it's time to move on.
I always awaken early, and this Monday morning, I was packed and ready to go before 6. I intended to put my bags in the car and come back inside to have breakfast with them, but once I loaded the car, had my keys in my hand and looked back at the house, there was no reason to go back in.
I wasn't really sure of where I was headed. My brother Rick was on the West Coast, and though I'm sure I could knock on his door and he'd let me in, I didn't really want to drive there. My attempts at job hunting produced no promising results. So…thinking I don't know what to do or where to go, I just drove, and for some strange reason ended up at home.
Ok maybe not my home for some time, but my parents' home. They split up a couple of years ago, leaving Rick and me alone for awhile. But I have to say, while this seemed earthshaking at the time; now it was just a distant memory.
I unlocked the door, brought all my things into my room, and proceeded to look around the house. Of course I didn't expect to see anybody. Mom moved back to her hometown after the divorce, and Dad's work required him to travel a great deal during the week. I shouldn't even expect him until the weekend.
Ok, there were a few things in the refrigerator (not much) and I had some money, so I'll just stay here for awhile and see if anything turns up. I busied myself cleaning and settling in for the rest of the week, unwinding from the last few hectic weeks at school, also.
By Friday, I was pretty relaxed. The house was clean. There was food, and in fact, I cooked a meal, thinking I can eat what I want and save the rest. Suddenly, Dad pulled into the driveway and unlocked the door. He looked a bit surprised to see me, but looked really happy. "Hey, Baby, I sure didn't expect to see you here!"
"Oh, hi Daddy."
Daddy? I hadn't called him that in years. And since the last time I'd seen him, I practically ran away from home and to the Dean for a refuge. Suddenly, I can no longer remember what I was running from. I was just glad to be home and hoping he was glad to see me as well.
"Sorry I couldn't make it to your graduation. I intended to, but couldn't get away."
"That's ok, they let me go anyway!" haha, my weak attempt at humor. "You don't mind that I came back home, do you?"
"Of course not, Julie. This is always your home. It was unfortunate that you felt you had to leave it in the first place."
Well, I didn't know what to say. At the time it was positively the best thing for me to do. Now I wasn't so sure why. "I have dinner ready."
"That's good, sweetie, but I need a quick shower first and then I'll eat, ok?"
"Yeah, sure."
I had nothing else to do in the kitchen so went into the living room and sat in front of the TV. I almost said I watched TV, but actually I had no idea what I was looking at. Just thinking how strange life turns out sometimes. The things you once ran from end up being the very things you want to run back to. If that makes any sense.
He was eating in the kitchen. I started to join him, but wasn't sure I was ready to face him yet. You know, without a reason to talk. The dishes had been done from supper. I'd had my shower. I just stayed where I was on the end of the couch like it was any other normal evening. Only Dad was home…
He came in quietly and sat on my left, right next to me on the couch. We both stared at the TV, though I don't think either one could tell you what was on.
"You know, Julie, it was a pretty shitty thing, the way you left."
"Yeah, I know, Dad. I was just scared."
"Of what?"
"Well, Mom was gone, Rick was gone. I was scared to be with you without them as barriers. I've always been a little scared of you." He turned and looked at me with love and concern and something else in his eyes.