Dad was preparing our dinner just like every other regular weekday evening. He buzzed around the kitchen gathering ingredients from the fridge and expertly chopped and sliced, making neat piles ready for the wok.
I sat on the opposite side of the kitchen counter playing with my phone, perched on a bar stool with forearms resting on the granite benchtop. I looked up from time to time to watch the man in action, but otherwise I was just comfortable to hang out in his presence. Dinner was always a masterpiece when Dad cooked, and the sight of the fresh food was making me hungry.
Dad interrupted my scrolling by kicking off a serious and unexpected conversation. He continued cooking while he spoke, keeping his eyes occupied on the utensils and food. The fact that he avoided eye contact relayed that an uncomfortable discussion was coming.
"So Jordan, now that you're about to turn twenty-one you're going to be a grown independent woman. I'll always be your Dad and I'll always be there for you, but sometime you're going to want to break free from the family home. So I was wondering, how serious are things between you and Austin?"
My dad was giving me a lecture. I put my phone down and paid attention.
My boyfriend Austin was twenty-five years old and we'd been going out for ages. Well, eighteen months, but it felt like forever. Dad knew that we'd been having sex so I didn't see why I was getting this lecture now. Austin wasn't my first boyfriend, and I'd always been upfront and honest with Dad. I even told him when I lost my virginity, and he knew that I was fucking some of the guys at college in my freshman year.
"I guess we're kind of serious. I mean we're not talking about getting married or having kids just yet."
"OK," replied Dad and stopped what he was doing. He approached the counter and faced me seriously. "Why don't we have him around at dinner this weekend for a family chat?"
"Dad!" I exclaimed. What sort of a 'chat' was he talking about? Was he planning some sort embarrassing confrontation? Or was he going to do the old fashioned 'what are your intentions' speech. It was a pretty weird request because Dad was normally so chill about everything.
"What do you want to talk about?" I asked aggressively.
Dad took my hint, shrugged, turned back to the stove and slung a tea towel over his shoulder. "I thought it would be nice. You know, just to have a special dinner ahead of your birthday party. Just the three of us."
It sounded a bit sus, but I said that I'd ask. I guess Dad just wanted the best for me and wanted me to have a relationship that turned out better than his own experience.
Mom and Dad split when I was in my early teens. Mom had been cheating with some guy from her work and they ran away together. Mom and Dad were not actually married at the time, and she tied the knot with this stranger without telling any of her family or even inviting us to the wedding. They moved to the other side of the country and Mom essentially abandoned us. Dad and I remained in the family home and he became the sole caregiver, looking after me.
It must have been tough, even if I was an only child and he had to deal with all sorts of girl things. My first period. My conflicts with the bitchy girls at school. Negotiating puberty. Moral advice for dealing with boys. Dad was always there for me.
Although we had a few little fights, Dad and I had a fantastic relationship. He always made me feel comfortable and he supported me in every way imaginable. Over the years he made plenty of sacrifices for me in terms of time and money and energy and I loved him in return.
I could always be myself around home, and there were plenty of times that I'd dance from the bathroom to my room. He'd seen me naked countless times, though he always respectfully looked away. I'd never seen him in the nude. I guess he didn't want to be a pervert, but honestly I wouldn't have cared at all.
So I didn't understand why he was just now taking such a special interest in Austin and our relationship.
I had just finished college, but with everything so expensive in the outside world I still lived at home with Dad. Austin worked in finance and shared a place with another couple of guys. We would stay over at each other's place most weekends, but it didn't feel right for me to move into his bro house just yet.
The remainder of the week played out uneventfully and when Saturday night rolled around, Austin and I came from his place, dressed up nicely for Dad's home cooked dinner. We did the formal thing, and rang the front doorbell for Dad to let us in. It was a weird experience because usually I'd just enter directly through the back door, which I knew was always unlocked.
Dad had a fancy meal prepared for us, and he cracked open a bottle of champagne when we arrived. He made us a roast quail dish for starters and then brought out a slow cooked brisket for mains, accompanied by some old-school Shiraz wine. The conversation all flowed naturally, but I remained nervous that Dad might raise something about Austin and me at any time.
Afterwards, we all retired to the living room, and Dad pulled out the bottle of cognac that I knew he had stashed in the back of the drinks cabinet, ever since I was a little girl. He poured generous glasses all round and we sipped and chatted about trivia. Dad told a few of his old stories that we'd heard before and we all laughed along in a lighthearted tipsy way. Despite the threat of Dad's interrogation hanging over us, I was feeling relaxed and looking forward to snuggling with Austin later that night.
The evening had worn on and I thought we might have gotten off Scot-free without having 'the talk'. But eventually Dad shifted to the front of his chair and leaned forward.
"Austin. Jordan." There was a somber pause. "There's something that I wanted to talk to you about."
Here we go.
"I'll just get to the point."
Hold tight.
"Austin, are you circumcised?"
"What? Dad!" I exploded in surprise and outrage. He couldn't ask that!
"Has his penis had the cut?" Dad directed the question to me as if he was excusing his intrusion.
"Dad! I know what circumcised means. Why are you asking?"
Dad raised his palms in a disarming way. "I know, I know. It's a sensitive thing these days." I wondered if this was one of his stupid Dad jokes. You know -- a pun referencing a sensitive issue and a sensitive organ. But it wasn't.
"You see Jordan. And Austin. It's been a tradition in our family going back time immemorial that the men are circumcised. It's not a religious thing. I know that it's a common practice for Catholics and it's compulsory for Jewish people. But in our family, it's an honored practice. We do it out of tradition, not to mention a matter of basic hygiene."
