Tammy was nervous. It had been almost two decade since she had last seen her father's family. Her biological father, whom she called the sperm donor, had gone out for a packet of cigarettes when she was two and never come back. Despite the anger and hurt, her mother had stayed in touch with his parents, Tammy's grandparents, for her children's sake.
Although the visits were not frequent, she remembered fondly the summer that she had spent on their farm in Texas. She had begun the days by gathering eggs in the hen house. She had slopped the hogs. She had gone fishing with her grandfather. She had even eaten barbequed squirrel that one of her dozens of cousins had shot with his air rifle. It was a different kind of life for a big city girl.
The bright spot of that summer had been her oldest cousin, Little Joe. Even though he stood over six feet tall and had the build of a full-grown man at seventeen, he was still called Little. His father was called Big Joe, even though ironically his son was three inches taller and much heftier than he was. Being a naïve six year old, she did not understand the taboo of kinship; Little Joe was Tammy's first genuine crush.
Little Joe had been amazingly sweet about the whole thing too. Since her seventh birthday was right after she went home, she decided to throw herself a birthday party with all her cousins. It was more like a child's tea party actually. She and Little Joe's younger sister, who was a few months younger than Tammy, made cakes in the Easy Bake oven. It was the tub of chocolate ice cream that Little Joe brought home from the grocery store where he worked as a bagger that made the party a real success.
Tammy shook her head at her youthful innocence as she pulled her rental car into the parking lot of the two story ante-bellum building that was the town's mortuary. She was saddened that the purpose of her first visit back to the rural Texas town that was the seat of her family's history was brought about by the death of her grandparents.
It was a romantic tragedy actually. After fifty years of marriage, the last five of which her grandfather cared for her ailing grandmother, who had both Alzheimer's and diabetes, her grandmother had finally died peacefully in her sleep. Three days later, her aunt discovered her grandfather dead as well. They said that he had grieved himself to death for the woman that had been his best friend, childhood sweetheart and wife.
Tammy was in awe of a love like that. Her own love life had been anything but successful. At twenty-eight, she had recently ended her longest relationships that had lasted barely six months. She admitted it: her father's betrayal had left her with deep-seeded abandonment and commitment issues. She had built high walls to keep people, especially men, out. It was easier for her to deal with logic and knowledge than with emotions, which is why she had become an attorney.
There were two people that Tammy were hoping to avoid during this brief trip. Her father, of course; although her aunt assured her that he was unlikely to attend since he had remained estranged from his parents, who failed to understand his irresponsible behaviour towards her and her mother. The other person she hoped to avoid was Little Joe. She remained embarrassed by the behaviour of a six year old. It had actually become somewhat of a family story: the kissing cousins.
Tammy looked into the rear view mirror to adjust her make-up. She had to admit that she was a stunning woman. With soft brown hair that hung to just below her shoulders and clear blue eyes that revealed her keen intelligence and wit, she attracted more than her fair share of dates. The problems began after the third date, when she became intimate with someone. She would subconsciously push them away, never allowing anyone to become close enough to hurt her the way her father had. So far whether it was determination or luck, she had managed to do just that.
Unfortunately for Tammy, her luck this weekend did not hold. Almost the moment she stepped inside the viewing room filled with the matching coffins and dozens of mourners, her eyes caught sight of the man that she knew was her sire. He towered over most of the other people in the room as he stood just to the left of his mother's casket. What angered Tammy beyond words was the air about him: as if he was the proud son and had every right to be there.
Even after the flight and almost three hour drive, she wanted to turn and simply run back to the safety of her carefully crafted world. But when she turned it was to run instead into the open arms of the one other person she had wanted so desperately to avoid: Little Joe. She had stammered some inane excuse and pushed past him.
Outside the sun sank beneath the rugged landscape of Texas Hill Country, it was not the spectacular view that had stolen her breathe as a child. But this evening the shortness of breath and tightness in her chest had little to do with the spectacular view and everything to do with the brief glimpse of that man, her sperm donor.
Her hands were trembling almost uncontrollably as she tried repeatedly to get the key into the lock. Her mind was so scattered at the moment that she forgot it would have been simpler to push the button on the electronic key chain. She was so angry and hurt that she actually kicked at the gravel in the parking lot; forgetting that she wore opened toed sandals. That brought another stream of vitriolic curses from her mouth.
The rich deep laughter behind her startled her from her litany. "Little cousin knows some very bad words for a lady," laughed the next to the last person on earth that she wanted to see at that moment.
So she added another to her litany, "Fuck off."
Reaching around her and taking the keys from her trembling fingers, he calmly replied, "It's been awhile." He had the where-withal to use the electronic lock, which only succeeded in making Tammy madder; if that was possible. She tried to jerk the keys back, but he simply held them above his head like some game they might have played two decades ago.
"Give me the fucking keys," she demanded.
Shaking his dirty-blonde head, he inquired, "And where do you intend to go at this time of the evening? It will be dark soon. You remember anything about getting around these parts? How about the coyotes or the rattle snakes? And don't count on them silly GPS thingies to be worth a damn out here...if you get a signal at all."
Tammy tried not to consider the logic of his words. She felt betrayed somehow: by him for being there, by her aunt for assuring her he would not be, and by her cousin for being calm when she was anything but. "Just give me the god damned keys, Little Joe," she almost pleaded.
He sighed and shock his head. "Momma, didn't know he was coming till he showed up this evening. I swear, Tammy Sue," he explained as he walked around and opened the passenger side door and motioned for her to get in. "She knew it would rile you up something fierce, but she couldn't reach you on the damned cell phone. So she had me keep an eye out for you," he finished as he closed the passenger door once she was silently seated inside.
Tammy watched as her cousin crossed in front of the small rental car. She wondered how his almost six foot six brawny frame would fit into the compact car. Even through the anger she could appreciate the raw male beauty that over the past two decades had blossomed from the promise that even a six year old could recognize. He was definitely what would be called a man's man.
As he opened the driver's side door and tried to adjust the seat enough to accommodate his body, it was Tammy's turn to chuckle. Thinking of one of her favourite movies 'Best Little Whore House in Texas,' she purred, "Like putting a bowling ball in a marbles bag."
Her cousin chuckled at the shared memory of his mother's favourite Dolly Parton movie. "I'll take you back to my ranch for the night. You can calm down and decide what you want to do." Reaching out so that he cupped her proud chin in his large hand, he turned her face until her blue eyes stared up into his matching one. "You know there's no damned reason why he should run you off Grandma and Grandpa's funeral. You gots more right to be here than he does," he pronounced as he turned the key and maneuvered the small car onto the road.
Tammy thought over those words as she stared silently out the window at the brown landscape of brush, low trees and grass that grew thickest along the banks of the winding creek that ran next to the narrow two-lane black top road. She supposed he was right. That man's presence did not need to send her running. In fact, if she did leave, then he would have won. But to stay would require more courage than she had.
The drive seemed to go on forever as the country music blared out of the radio. It had been years since she had listened to country music. Somehow, it like this place had come to represent a past that she was ashamed of. But she found it virtually impossible not to hum along to the twangy lyrics that filled the small space of her rental car, what little space that was left over from the manly man that dominated all else.
She had to give that six year little girl credit. She had damned good taste in men. Little Joe was definitely one of the hottest guys she had seen in some time. As cliché as it sounded he seemed to ooze male sexuality. If he was not her cousin, she would have screwed him in a heart beat, Tammy thought.
