Covidiots
A Confession
By
de Vere
My quarantine began in March. My work as a lighting technician for a rock band dried up right away, when the band canceled their 2020 tour, at least through the fall, they said. At the time, no one else was hiring, so that was it. Out of work.
My sister called right afterward to see how I was doing. When I told her, she laughed. "Figured as much." Then, more seriously, she asked, "What are you going to do?"
What is there to do? She has worked from home for years, and the insurance company she works for was doing well, so her life hadn't changed. Well, except she has this lung condition that meant she had no business going anywhere while this pandemic is going on. Nothing serious, normally, but this shit could kill her. I told her I had nothing planned. At all. Maybe build some furniture or something.
"Why don't you come here? That way neither of us will be alone, and if I need someone to venture out, you can handle that for me."
There it is. She needs company and an errand boy. To be honest, it was my best offer. The prospect of spending the next month or six weeks by myself up here in Atlanta did not sound like such a great idea. She lives in Dunedin, Florida, a little town on the Gulf with some nice beaches and fishing, and it was already warm down there. So, quarantining there didn't sound like the worst idea. So I threw my shit in my car and headed south on St. Patrick's Day.
I won't use her name. As they say,
the names were changed to protect the innocent
. Let's just call her Red. That is because she has that bright red hair that almost looks orange. The kind every kid teases growing up. And, we did. Everyone else in the family has brown or black hair, including me, so she looked out of place. Red has everything else that comes with red hair, in abundance: freckles on pale skin that never tans and eyes the color of a Heineken bottle. So, I show up at Red's house, and she breaks out a thermometer and makes me take my temperature before I set foot inside.
"I just drove 500 miles," I said, totally annoyed. "What, I have a temperature and you are making me drive back home?"
"Do you want to give me Covid?"
"Starting to," I said. But I sucked on that thermometer on her porch until it chirped, then showed it to her through the window. 98.6, dead-on. Then she let me in, and she was happy to see me. We are both in our fifties now, me three years older. We grew up close, and have no other family. Well, she has her kids, as I have mine, but they are scattered to the wind. The closest lives in St. Louis, so with this pandemic going on, no one will be visiting any time soon. The thing about Red is, no one would ever guess she is a day over 40. On a good day, she probably passes for 35. I guess I look a little young, too. We're both still skinny, although not as bad as when we were growing up. Good genes, I guess. Except that one she got that screwed up her lungs. Looking at her, you'd never guess she has anything wrong with her.
We quickly settled into a pattern. She worked and I played. I laid out at the beach reading spy novels. I fished on the pier or off bridges 2 or 3 times a week. I cooked the fish I caught. It felt like vacation. For her, it felt like normal workdays except with a live-in chef. Pretty good deal for both of us. At night we sat on her patio drinking wine, even eating dinner there sometimes, surrounded by palm trees and colorful sunsets. Two weeks in, rain set in. Days and days of rain. It was ridiculous. A week or two of that, I started to get cabin fever, which she had for longer than that. During all this time, she'd stayed inside her house. Don't worry: big brother has a solution!
"Let's get drunk!" She loved the idea. She usually sipped a glass or two of wine in the evenings, but that night, we were on our second bottle before the sun set. Well, when it went dark, because heavy rain had not let us see the sun for a few days. We laughed and reminisced and really had a good time. In addition to being gorgeous, Red is a lot of fun. It felt like when we were back in high school. Thunder and lightning occasionally lit up the steady rain falling outside, but we did not care. Eventually, we started talking about our kids. Hard to believe she had kids in their 20s!
"I bet all your kids friends thought you were a MILF."
That made her laugh. "A couple of Emma's boyfriends seemed to enjoy talking to me too much. I caught one looking down my shirt once. Not that there was anything to look at."
"Oh, I'm sure he saw something interesting," I answered. And no, Emma is not her daughter's real name. She is one of the true innocents in this story.
"Do you really think they called me a MILF? I never thought of that. I always thought of myself as the Fun Mom."
"Red," I said, using her real name, though, "I may be old, but I remember being a teenage boy. I can even remember a few of the hot moms when I was in high school. Debbie V's mom, for example. Damn, she was hot. I don't think we knew the term MILF back then, though. And MILFs are the most fun moms."
We had cabin fever by then, and a local liquor store delivered. I never really drank much wine, but she had ordered a case of red that week, and we had almost finished that second bottle by then, so we were laughing and acting like kids ourselves. But I wasn't lying. Red had always been gorgeous, and even now at 52, she looks amazing. Probably weighs about 125 soaking wet, which is pretty good for a woman at any age at 5'4". Her face is pretty, too. Did some modeling back in the 80s just out of high school before she got married. The first time. She has been divorced four times, twice more than me. After a month of living together, she'd gotten pretty comfortable with me being around, and I don't remember when is the last time she wore a bra. Funny thing is, she didn't need one. That night, she was wearing some tight, flowery pants that fit her better than they would most 20-year-olds girls and a wife-beater. I couldn't help glancing down at her pokies showing through the fabric. No, I was not even exaggerating to make her feel good.
"Is that all guys ever think about? When you first meet a woman—even the mom of someone you are dating?"