Confused Connie

Thank you ill_eat_wince for all your editing help. As always, this is the drama of my imaginary friends's and enemies' lives and all of them are over the age of consent, 18+.

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Dylan tried to concentrate on his letter, well blank piece of lined notebook paper. It stared at him from the counter top in an accusatory manner.

'Dear Connie, I'm so sorry for what I did. Please forgive me.'

He ripped the page from the notebook, balled it up and pitched it toward the other discarded pieces of paper in the trashcan. He missed the large open mouth of the metal container, once again.

'Dear Connie, I love you and I'm so sorry that I hurt you.'

Dylan ripped that page up while beating himself up. He dug his fingers into his shorn head, wishing he still had hair to rip out by the roots.

Why was it so hard to put into words what he was feeling? What he needed to say and what he should have said before he left?

Dylan slipped out of the house too afraid to face what he had done. He had seen the bruises on her pale flesh in the early morning light as he carried her to her pink colored bedroom. That was more than enough. In his head, he joined those images with her pleas of 'no' and 'stop'. They echoed in his ears and mind to torture him like nothing else in the world.

"Fuck," he screamed to no one as he raced to the bathroom and vomited up beer, pizza, and mostly bile until his stomach emptied. He dry heaved into the filthy toilet, then ran water in the sink to rinse his mouth of the vile taste from his stomach. He just couldn't look at his reflection in the mirror. The station announced it was time to board his bus.

'Dear Connie,

I hate myself for what I've done to you. Please forgive me. I love you more than I could ever say. I'm sorry I hurt you, please forgive me for what I've done.

All my love, your brother, Dylan'

He didn't imagine the letter could ever repair the damaged he had done to her as he tore the sheet of paper from the notebook, stuffed it in an envelope, and addressed the envelope for home. He handed his letter to the Postmaster before climbing on a bus heading to basic training.

~~~~~

Dear Diary,

My heart hurts. Dylan signed up for the army today. Happy 18th birthday to me. Not. I can't stand it. Angie said he was being a selfish pig. I can't believe she dumped him because he signed up. I think he did it for her. He said he wanted to be able to afford a house and stuff. As if the army is the only place where he could make money?

He's super smart. He's athletic. His knee injury last year wasn't that bad. So what if, he can't play basketball anymore? So what if he can't afford college anymore? He shouldn't have done it. And Angie dumped him so he doesn't need to go. I hope he changes his mind.

Mom and Dad think it's great. I hate it. He leaves next week. I have to tell him how I feel before he's gone again, like when he left for college. I'll take another one of his t-shirts to sleep in, but a Dylan scented shirt is not the same as having him here.

Sad Connie

~~~~~

Dear Diary,

Dylan leaves in 3 days. I have to do something to stop him. What can I do? I don't want to live without him here. I love him like a sister shouldn't. I'm glad Angie dumped him. Not like he'd turn to me, but still I love him too much to let him go again.

I need Mom and Dad to say something so he won't go. Except they think it's so great. Don't they know that it's dangerous? It's not like peace time. It's a war, that's what they say. How can he do this? I'm going crazy thinking about him leaving me.

Miserable Connie

~~~~~

Dear Diary,

Two days until Dylan leaves. I have to do something. I should tell him. Maybe he won't go if I just tell him how I feel. I've had a million fantasies about him for so long and I just think that he is the one. You know, that all gushy inside feeling of love, that's how I feel about Dylan. I don't care that he's my brother. I think even part of my obsession with him is the fact that he is my brother.

I've always had this hero worship thing for him. Even when we were younger. When he was captain of the basketball team I was never prouder. He gets to do everything first. Drive and date and stay up late. I hate when he calls me Corny or Cantstand instead of Connie or Constance, but he teases me because he loves me. And I know it's not just because I'm his sister, the way he looks at me some times. Sometimes I feel like he's the only person in the world that truly knows my heart, brother or not.

I used to hate Angie so much when she was dating Dylan, even though she's my best friend. But she broke up with him because he joined the army. Maybe I was just jealous of her because she got to do all the things with Dylan I think I want to do with him. I wish I was her, then I could be with him.

We look so much alike too. Same long brown hair, same pert little noses. My eyes are brown and hers are blue. I weigh a little more, so my breast and ass aren't like her stick figure body but people always think we're related anyway.

He started looking at Angie the way I wanted him to look at me. The way he'd always looked at me before he got with her. Before she became this whore and started wearing short skirts and tight tops and lots of make-up around him all the time. She stuffed her bra until she started dating him. Then he started making all these Kleenex jokes around her. I loved how mad she got. She totally deserved it for stealing my big brother away from me.

She was always swinging her hips, and touching him and laughing at everything he said, even when it wasn't the least bit funny. Sometimes I just really hate her.

I know I should just let go of all these silly little dreams of being with Dylan, but I think that he loves me, if I could just make him see it too. I mean not just because he's my brother but the way a man is supposed to love a woman. The way he used to look at me, I thought for sure that he wanted more.

Crying Connie

~~~~~

Dear Diary,

Last night was nothing like I dreamed or thought it would be. I think Dylan is mad at me now. Maybe I didn't do it right, I don't know. I just never thought that sex would feel like that. I can't believe what I did. I must be crazy. I'm insane because I wanted my first time to be with him, my own brother. I'm so confused and scared right now.

It hurt, it hurt a lot, and then it didn't hurt anymore and it was just wonderful, and like nothing I'd ever felt before. But it wasn't anything like Angie said it would be.

I'm so confused as to how he could hold me, and kiss me, and after everything that happened, how could he just leave without saying goodbye to me?

I hate feeling this way. It all started with that stupid haircut. He let his hair grow out really long since his knee injury. His hair was so beautiful. It was so thick and curly and sandy brown all over the place. I loved running my fingers through it and playing with it. He liked it too. He would get excited, you know down there, whenever I did it. I love that.

But he said he'd have to cut it off for the army and asked me if I wanted to clip it for him. I jumped at the chance to play with all his beautiful hair. He knew how much I loved his hair. He gave me a funny look when I asked him if I could take a lock of it but he agreed. So, I got some rubber bands and braided it, then I cut it right from the middle of his head so he had to let me shave the rest off, he couldn't back out.

Even though I cut a big hole in the middle of his hair, I still didn't want to shave his head so I just kept running my fingers through it and playing with it until he grabbed my wrist and growled at me to get on with it.

He was drinking beer and he had to adjust his t-shirt because he got a bulge in his pants from me playing with his hair. I love that he does that, it makes me feel special and loved and wanted and needed and I just don't care that he's my brother when he wants me like that. I feel like he's my boyfriend. You know how I've pretended that for as long as I've wanted a boyfriend. Because I just don't think any other guy would be as good to me as my big brother, my Dylan.

When I finished shaving his head with the clippers I just kept running my fingers through it. His head was all fuzzy and soft and I loved the way it felt under my fingertips and the palms of my hands.

I started it. I kept pushing my tits in Dylan's face. I pretended I was still trying to get his hair even. Dylan was looking at me in that way and his calloused fingers were against my bare skin holding my hips, holding me away from him, and his thumbs were playing with the edges of my waistband. He was pulling me closer to him and then I felt his breath against my nipple, even through my own t-shirt and my bra.

I froze mostly because I couldn't believe what was happening and because it felt so different and exciting and my whole body flushed with heat. My nipples hardened under the heat of his mouth and I clenched between my legs as that sensation and tingle began to build. Then he pushed my shirt up and pulled my bra down and his lips were on my bare breast and it was wonderful. It was magic and amazing and I wanted him to do so much more.

Then his mouth opened and his hot wet tongue flicked against my bare skin. He was suckling at my tit like a baby. My knees buckled, and I was falling and pressing against his mouth as it moved over my boobs. He kept nibbling on my nipples. I wanted to scream, instead, I bit my bottom lip. I didn't want him to stop. I thought if I said anything, he would realize I was his sister and stop.

His thick rough hands held me against him and were holding me up and he sucked on me until it felt like he was touching me everywhere and I was moaning because it felt so good to finally, finally have him touch me that way.

He picked me up in his strong arms and stood up from the chair and he laid me gently on his bed. He kissed me as if he had to, warm little kisses up from my breast to my collarbone then my neck all the while he removed my shirt and he unclasped my bra and he pulled that off me too. He pressed his soft warm lips against mine and I pushed my tongue into his mouth.

He tasted like beer and pepperoni pizza and just Dylan. I don't know, when his tongue was in my mouth exploring me, the sensation was so great. He planted small kisses around my face, my cheeks and eyelids and forehead and ears and then back to my lips.

He told me how beautiful he thought I was, I melted inside and I let my hands feel the hard muscles of his chest and arms and back. I needed to touch him more and more and more.

I removed his shirt and kissed him in the same way he'd kissed me, small little kisses everywhere I could touch his bare skin. He moaned while I did it and I loved every sound he made, all of them desperate and full of desire for me.

He undid the button and the zipper on my skirt and then pulled it with my panties off me while I kicked off my shoes to help him along. He rushed out of his clothes as if they were on fire. He undid his belt and jeans and pulled those off along with his shoes and he even kicked off his socks. He crawled back onto the bed and it felt like slow motion as I watched him.

He was so big between his thighs. I'd never seen a live dick before and I know my eyes went wide in surprise and awe. But, I have to say that my brother's dick is the best in the entire world. I mean I'd seen that picture of a penis in the biology book from high school but this was so much more real and naughty.

The top was like a mushroom head the size of a plum, and it was thick around, long, and veiny like Angie's toy except for that one ridge from the base all the way up to the head. His balls were so full and seemed heavy in my hand when I cupped them. His hair down there looked coarse but was so soft to my fingers.

There was a little bit of pre-cum in the tip and I reached my tongue out to taste it. I just felt like I had to and it was salty and thick. Kinda like snot. I kissed the head, and wrapped my lips around him, playing and tasting it with my tongue. Mostly it tasted like Dylan. I love the way Dylan smells and tastes and I closed my eyes and let his pre-cum wash over my tongue and down my throat. I felt him shuddered when I did that.

I was excited and afraid and excited and needy and I just wanted it to happen. I couldn't believe what was about to happen. Dylan began to kiss me starting at my ankle and then up my calf and he even kissed the back of my knees both, one right after the other and I giggled because it felt weird, strange, and amazing.

He licked and kissed his way up my legs more and my thighs and then the crease between my thighs, one side then the other. Instead of his lips, it was his hot moist tongue lightly flicking from side to side. I felt my juices drip out of me and he licked them up as if they were syrup.

He used his hands and legs to push my legs apart as he was over top of me on all fours. His fingers were touching me between my legs. He ran his finger up and down my slit applying just a little bit of pressure and he moved his finger in a circle around and around. I felt like it was all about my throbbing clit as his touch ran like electricity through my body.

"Have you ever let anyone touch you like this before Connie? Have you ever touched yourself like this?" His voice was so much deeper than normal and I opened my eyes to look at him. His eyes were darker than their normal brown, smoky even. I shook my head 'no' because I couldn't speak. He smiled at me and I felt his smile throughout every inch of my skin. He pushed his finger inside me and my pussy exploded in a burning pain.

I don't remember what I said but my eyes began to tear up and I sucked in a bunch of air to keep from screaming. Then Dylan dropped down on top of me as his hard naked body dwarfed mine.

He whispered in my ear. "It's okay Connie. It won't hurt very long. I love you," he said. He kissed me some more.

I felt his thumb moving against my clit and the pain was warring with the pleasure between my legs and I let my held in breath out in a moan.

"That's it, see I told you. Do you want this? Are you sure you want this Connie?" He pushed up on his right arm as his left hand continued to play between my legs so that he could look into my eyes.

I shook my head 'yes' and then a second finger joined the first one and pushed and played inside my body stretching me.

Maybe I should have stopped because it really did hurt, but a part of me didn't want to. I wanted to do this, I wanted him to do it so I said yes and that I loved him even though I was as scared as I've ever been.

He removed his fingers and he was pushing against me with his dick, he was so thick and warm and big I didn't know how I'd be able to handle or fit all that flesh into my body. I watched him push into me and the ache was so intense I closed my eyes and thought about how Angie said she'd done it. If she could do it then so could I.

He moved so slowly and with each centimeter I felt as if I couldn't handle anymore. I felt stuffed like at Thanksgiving dinner and I couldn't breathe and still he kept going, filling my body and I don't remember when I started crying or when I started yelling for him to stop because I felt like my body was being ripped in two. I've never been in so much pain before, it wasn't fun and all the heated tension and needy pressure I felt didn't make up for how much it hurt.

I was pushing against Dylan and when I opened my eyes and looked at him the look on his face stilled me because it was like no other look I've ever seen before. I was so afraid he wouldn't stop and then his pelvis was pressed tight against mine so that his pubic bone was crushing my clit against my body. He stopped, I couldn't move or speak or breathe.

"It won't hurt much longer Connie I swear. You feel so good." I could see how hard he was working to not move anymore, his neck muscles were bulging and his arms were clenched and straining. His brow was wet with sweat.

I was crying and taking shallow breaths. I could see where my nails had dug into his arms and chest when I'd pushed him away.

"It won't hurt much longer Connie," he said. His voice was deep and he looked as if he was somewhere between anger and bliss.

He shifted his weight to one arm and pulled out of me a little, so he could move his other hand between us. He began rubbing my clit with his fingers. The touch made me gasp and I almost forgot about the pain of him invading my body. This was what I wanted. I had that pleasure/pain war going on again, except this time the pleasure was better than anything before it.

He moved faster, pumping into me as I felt like my pussy expanded to contain his size. He was pounding me into his bed and I loved the way it made me feel. He was a beast who needed me to calm his fierceness, savageness, longing and desire. He groaned so loud I was glad Mom & Dad weren't home as I matched him vocally.

I don't know when I started moaning, or thrusting my hips against his hand and his dick while he was moving in and out of me. I wrapped my legs around his body and he seemed to go deeper in me until the end of him met with my cervix.

I felt confused between wanting it to stop because it was too much and needing him to stay buried inside me. I felt empty and desperate when he pulled out and he wasn't even fully out of me. He was chanting my name and telling me how much he loved me, how he'd always loved me and I shattered.

The sensation that had been building between my legs spread warmth up from where our bodies connected to my womb. Then it continued through my body and all of my muscles clenched tight and then released on this wave of just...I don't know, but I could feel it everywhere. I felt like I was floating and happy and I was screaming with the euphoria that made every other sensation a distant memory and an intense moment in one.

Dylan felt like he got bigger inside me and his body trembled. He thrust into me and filled me with his cum and it felt wonderful. My pussy clenched and contracted on its own milking him. He collapsed on top of me breathing heavy. He pushed himself off me with a lot of effort. He was crying and he kept saying he was sorry, he was so sorry that he couldn't stop himself.

I tried to comfort him but I could barely move. We were both sweaty and tired from everything that we'd done. I touched him and kissed him and was holding on to him so hard. I wanted to tell him I was okay but I couldn't breathe.

He wrapped Grandma Shaffer's quilt around me and rubbed his hands over my trembling body. He kept telling me how sorry he was as he kissed me. I didn't understand what I'd done wrong or what he was sorry for but I wanted to stop him from hurting. I was so confused and crying and that's how I fell asleep with him whispering to me.

Then it was morning and I was in my own bed, and he was gone. Dad said he left for basic already when I went down to breakfast. I guess I did it wrong, because Dylan didn't even say goodbye. I've never felt so empty and alone before.

Maybe I shouldn't have done it. I really wanted to and I don't know, I can't even talk to Dylan. I think above everything else that's what I really need right now. I needed my big brother to calm my fears about what we've did. I need him to tell me it was okay.

I can't tell anyone. Not Angie, or Mom or Dad, or anyone. So what do I do dear Diary, what do I do?

Confused Connie