Simon and Derek settled into the snug of their local, pints on the table, the sounds of the bar muted. Simon had phoned Derek and invited him out for a pint because he needed to talk to a friend about something serious. They'd known each other since they were in prams together, their mothers the best of friends. Simon looked unsure how to begin but Derek just took a sip of his Guinness and waited. His friend had a fine gift of the gab and would be okay once he settled down a bit.
'Well, you see it's about mum's friend Karen. You know her, don't you?'
'I'd like to! She's gorgeous for her age,' sighed Derek wishfully.
'Yeah, you see I've been screwing her for the last year...'
He was interrupted by Derek admiring whistle. 'Seriously,' he demanded, disbelieving.
'Seriously,' Simon confirmed. 'And there's more...I've only gone and knocked her up. She's fucken delighted about it!'
Derek threw back his head and roared out laughing at Simon's admission. With tears in his grey-green eyes, '...don't know if I should envy you or pity you,' he told his friend unsympathetically.
Simon grinned in relief. This was exactly the sort of down-to-earth answer he been hoping from Derek. The man's ability to ground you could not be overstated.
'...thing is,' Simon admitted after a sip of his pint, 'there's more...again.'
Derek wiped the tears from his eyes, still recovering from the laughter, he gestured for his friend to carry on.
Feeling much better about the whole thing, Simon did. 'Well, Karen invited me mum over to tell her. It didn't occur to her there was any problem with it happening with me in the house! They've been friends for so long they shared everything. They had no secrets!'
Derek's eyes just popped out of his head. 'How did she take it?' he asked expectantly.
Simon shook his head in wonder, remembering. 'You won't believe this!'
Derek's grin got really broad, he was enjoying this. 'Tell me?'
Simon's shoulders started to shake with barely suppressed laughter, as he tried to get the rest of the story out. 'I thought Mum was going to get angry,' he told Derek. 'Instead, she got undressed, pulled down my jeans and started sucking my cock.'
Derek had his pint halfway to his lips but he stopped and put it back on the table, sighing in disappointment. It had been a grand story up 'til now but this was just too far.
Simon waited until his friend eyes met his again. He didn't defend himself or elaborate. He just slowly nodded his head.
Derek's jaw dropped with equal slowness. 'Why?' he demanded, completely stunned.
Simon shrugged. '...seems it was that awul bio'illogical clock. Both of them wanted kids. Mum had me very young because of that dirrty bastard at the Social. It had just never happened for Karen, no matter what she got up too.' He paused, thinking for a moment.
'I suppose it's gotten to the point where they just didn't care anymore, along as they got what they wanted.' He shrugged his ignorance of the motivations of women. Especially when they flat out refuse to tell you, yet expect you to guess and if you get it wrong, it's your fault for not being a telepath!? There was nothing a bloke could do but try not to mess up too badly. He sighed, such was life.
Derek, recognising the signs, nodded sympathetically.
They both took a long philosophical draught on their pints.
'So, what happen then?'
Simon's grin returned, warning his friend another doozy was coming.
'Believe it or not, I'm going to be a daddy twice over early next year!'
Both men exploded with laughter loud enough to be heard by the whole bar.
Carly was serving nearby and left the Guinness she was pouring to settle to stick her head into the Snug section to check if everything was ok. To find two of her regulars howling their heads off apparently over a good one with half-finished pints in front of them, something she liked to see in her pub. Derek Meehan was a good lad, earning well in the builder's trade at the moment but Simon Norton? She could never put her finger on it but there was just something about that lad that got her warm. She couldn't understand it, a forty-six-year-old woman getting the hots for a nineteen-year-old working his way up in a local factory.
A thought crossed her mind, Karen Duffy had been in a lot lately looking for him and she wasn't a big drinker. Her dark eyes grew wide as her shrewd mind suddenly put two and two together and made...three, judging by Karen slight bump. So, her body's reaction was spot on. The lad liked older ladies! She tucked that fact the way for a cold lonely night.
Both still streaming from the eyes, Simon told Derek, 'It's like they are in bloody competition to see which one can break me first! They just won't leave me alone!'
Carly, whose ear was still cocked to the snug, absorbed the they part while not reacting in front of a bar full of customers hungry for gossip. Now, that was intriguing! Who was the other? Who would be willing to try sharing with Karen and risk going up against Marie Norton over her only son? Again, her shrewd mind cleared a fairly huge suspicion in a single bound. Schooling her expression only with difficulty. The other would have to be Marie! Ooooh, that was juicy! Not that she thought ill of either woman, in fact she rather admired their desire to find love wherever they could and to hell with the rules. When it comes right down to it all that tiresome morality rubbish just got in the way of common sense, something which women achieved degrees in over the course of our lifetimes. She had no thought of reporting them but did have every intention of feeling them out on the idea of sharing?
Derek had a long swallow and wiped a foam moustache from his upper lip, still grinning at his friend's sort of good fortune. Timing it well, he inquired nastily,
'So when do you take the ladies down the aisle?'
As expected, this sent Simon's mouthful all over the back of the door of the snug and caused a choking fit. Derek took the pint from his friend's hand and slapped his back to help ease the fit.
Simon managed to draw in a hitching, painful breath to gasp, 'ya bastard!'