Derek was surprised by the news that his mother was having another child. It didn't bother him much that Tom, the man his mother had married, was ten years her junior. It didn't even bother him that his mother didn't wait more than two years after his father's death to make Tom her husband. What did bother him was that he was no longer "the baby."
After the announcement, his mother rarely spoke of the child that was growing inside her and wreaking havoc on her moods. Instead, she focused their talks on his college studies, his plans for internships and if he would make it home for fall break. Luckily for Derek, the baby was born a week before fall break began. Tom had phoned him to let him know his mother was in labor, but she insisted that he remain at the university and not miss any of his classes.
Because his mother spoke little of the baby, he had no idea until he arrived at home for fall break that the tiny bundle he held for the first time was going to be such a lovely little girl. Her weight seemed almost nothing in his strong arms. She was a blind wriggling little thing that made him feel awkward and in awe at the same time. Derek handed his baby sister back to his mother. As he watched the two together he felt envy invade his body. The way his mother's face softened and her voice rose to a sweet octave when she spoke to the baby girl made him feel ill. He turned his attention to Tom and engaged him in a conversation about the ball game set to air the following evening. It was an effort, but Derek was almost able to ignore the gentle caresses and soft kisses exchanged between his mother and sister.
"I apologize, Derek. I haven't had the energy to cook. I've been unable to prepare your favorites."
"It's fine mother." Derek said without turning to face her.
"No. It's not." In a small space of silence he felt her gaze. When his eyes met hers she said, "But I promise for Thanksgiving. No holds barred."
"It'll be quite a spread," Tom said. He rose to his feet and took their child into his arms. The baby made a soft cooing sound at the agitation. Tom exited the room, leaving Derek and his mother alone for the first time since he had arrived.
Without the infant's weight in her arms, his mother allowed herself to relax on the cushions of the sofa. The image of his mother had always been that of a young vibrant woman. She was girlish and fresh of face with sparkling hazel eyes. Looking at her now he saw her as haggard and aging. It made him feel sad to see the way sleep deprivation was taking their toll on her beautiful face.
It was uncomfortable, this new association they now had. Normally he'd be next to her on the couch engaging in an animated conversation about school and campus life well into the late night hours. Now Derek watched his mother's lids grow heavy and her head bob from left to right as she fought with sleep.
"Mother."
"Yes, Derek?"
"I'm going to go out for a while." He walked over to the couch to stand over her. "Why don't you lay down here and get some rest?"
"No. No. I wanted to talk with you. Catch up for a while."
"We'll have time for that. Here. Lie down." He pulled the afghan from the back of the sofa and tented it over his mother's body until she obeyed and stretched out. He covered her then tucked the edges of the afghan under her.
By the time he lowered his head to kiss her on the cheek, her eyes were already shut and her breathing was slow and even.
* * *
It was some time after three in the morning when Derek returned home. He slipped in through the kitchen door that let him in from the garage. Getting out of the house helped Derek's mood a little bit. He caught up with some friends from the neighborhood. He allowed them to divert his attention from the strangeness that had befallen his childhood home. Derek hadn't expected the arrival of a baby to change everything. There was no welcome home meal, the baby now occupied his old room and there wasn't the warm comfort of his mother.
Derek made his way to the refrigerator, thinking that there might be some of his favorite ingredients for a sandwich there. A sliver of light from the baby's room sliced down the dark hallway and caught his attention. He ignored his craving for a sandwich and walked down the hall, hoping his mother would be inside.
His mother was seated in the rocker with her feet up on an ottoman. She had apparently taken a shower sometime since his absence. Her brown hair was glossy and luxurious. It fell in soft waves, signifying a natural curl which he had inherited. Her legs were crossed at the ankles atop the ottoman but were covered completely by a fluffy turquoise robe. The fabric fell open at her naval to expose a very full breast at which his baby sister was nursing.
He stood in the doorway for a long moment and gazed at the pale flesh of his mother's breast. He hadn't taken notice of her breasts before, but then again they hadn't been exposed in this way until now. Her breast was pale and full and tremendously larger than it had been when he'd left for school that summer. His eyes moved over the surface of that breast. He wanted to see more, more of that lovely breast that disappeared into a round apex inside his baby sister's mouth.
"Derek." His mother's whisper startled him. "I didn't hear you come in."
Derek stepped into the doorway. His eyes fluttered from his mother's face, to her breast, to the girly dΓ©cor and back to her breast. "I used the garage. I didn't want to wake..."
"Oh. She's divine. She wakes to be fed and goes right to sleep." His mother caressed the dark spiral of fine hairs on top of the baby's head. "So unlike you at this age."
"How so?" Derek felt offended at the comparison. He walked further into the room. The new point of view confirmed his mother's breasts had tripled in size. His baby sister's hungry mouth pulled greedily at the nipple and made the engorged flesh of his mother's breast jostle a little with every suckle she made.
"You were so needy. You rarely slept when you were supposed to. After nursing, you would lie awake in my arms for several minutes looking up at me before falling to sleep." Derek's eyes met hers. "Oh, how I loved nursing you. It felt so good." His mother's gaze fell away to the floor before she went on to say, "Well, to build that connection with you early on was very important."
"Probably the reason we're so close now," Derek said.
He took a seat on the floor across from his mother. He tried to not stare at her breast and her almost fully exposed cleavage inside the robe. It was difficult but he managed to keep his eyes at the bottom of his mother's slippers until he heard an audible suck. He looked up to see his mother disengaging the baby from her breast with her index finger. Derek's gaze fixed on the glistening surface of his mother's nipple. The areola was a dusty pink and it spread wide across her breast. As he watched, its surface grew taunt, undoubtedly from the coolness of the room. He didn't know how long he was looking. He didn't know if his mother was allowing him to look, but eventually she pulled the collar of her robe closed and tucked it further into the sash.
Once the visual stimulation was gone Derek's eyes floated up to his mother's face. It was placid but a slight blush warmed her face from her cheeks to her forehead. Derek wondered if his attention had made her blush. If it did she didn't acknowledge in any way. She stood slowly with the baby cradled against her shoulder.
"Would you like to burp her?"
"No thank you."
Derek's mother paced a small square in the bedroom. She hummed some unfamiliar tune all the while patting the new baby's back. Derek leaned back on his hands, closed his eyes and listened to the pleasant resonating melody. His mind drifted back to his childhood. His parents remained married until his father's death. Derek and his mother spent the majority of the time alone in the house while his father was away on business. They relied on each other and confided in one another. Their bond extended past the womb and Derek missed their connection deeply. Though he would never want harm to come to the baby, he had to admit to wishing his mother and Tom had gotten a dog instead.
"Looks like it's all of our bedtimes."
Derek worked to open his eyes then stood. "You're right."
When his mother finished tucking the baby into the crib he made his way toward her. She held her arms open to receive his hug which was tight and lingering.
"Good night, Derek darling," she said with a kiss on his cheek.
"Good night, mother."
In the guest bedroom, Derek looked down at the folded linens on top of the bare mattress with disgust. Instead of spending the time to make the bed properly, he snapped the flat sheet on top of the mattress and curled up under the comforter. The moonlight shone through the window. The sheer draperies prevented the room from being completely dark, the way Derek liked. He tossed and turned because of it, but it wasn't the only reason he couldn't fall asleep. The vision of his mother's breasts materialized behind his closed lids. He saw first one breast, peeking out from her robe and then the other became fully exposed. His mother caressed it with her long delicate fingers. Derek rolled onto his stomach. He squeezed his eyes shut and he tried to bring more detail to his fantasy. He envisioned the way her breasts would look if they were pressed together and how both nipples would look glistening with saliva.