5. CONFESSION
After getting dressed, Kerri padded downstairs quietly, wishing she could stay with her father all night. Now that they were no longer alone, the long nights they'd spent together the previous summer seemed like even more of an indulgence. Their chances of getting any more such moments this trip were slim at best. Silently, she resigned herself to taking what she could get.
The house had only one spare bedroom -- the other had been changed into a makeshift storage space years ago -- and so Kerri knew that she and Kim would be bunking together, just as they used to when they were both younger. Even though road fatigue and the after-effects of adrenaline had left her light-headed and weary, she ducked into the bathroom for a quick shower. Kim might be a tad oblivious, but diving into bed next to her smelling of sex was not a chance she was willing to take.
She stripped off her clothes and showered, not bothering to wet her hair, and dried herself. When she returned, naked, to the bedroom, she found Kim curled up on the side of the bed that had traditionally been hers, knees drawn up against her chest, arms protruding off the side of the bed in the odd sleepy abandon that was Kim's trademark. Kerri slipped into the cool sheets on her own side, briefly wondering if sleeping in the nude next to her sister would be considered strange, then deciding she didn't care.
Kerri gazed out the window, still euphoric from their encounter upstairs. It was only going to get more difficult from here to find time with her dad. Even once had been risky, and she was uncertain she could even talk him into it a second time. She began to nod off, vague fantasies of locking Kim in a closet for a few hours running through her head.
"What were you two doing?"
Kim's voice instantly startled her back to wakefulness. "What?" she said, a little more nervously than she'd intended, and sat up.
Kim rolled over, her eyes half-open, and regarded her with a sleepy glare. "I heard a bunch of noise upstairs."
Kerri's throat closed. "You did?"
"I heard something thump."
Kerri thought of her knees hitting the hardwood floor as her father had pushed her down in front of him. Surely it couldn't have been that loud. Could it?
"You were just dreaming," she said, trying to keep her voice from quavering -- she felt like her heart had sprung up through her chest into her throat. "Go back to sleep."
Kim mumbled something incoherent and rolled onto her side again, then rolled back. "Are you naked?" she asked.
Kerri sighed. "Yes, I am."
"Weirdo," Kim said, and rolled away again. Within moments, her breath evened out into sleep again.
It was a long time before Kerri could doze off again.
# # #
By the time Kerri woke up the next day, sunlight was streaming through the window directly into her face. She sat up and found the bed empty apart from herself. She put on some clothes -- a blue tank top and jeans -- and ventured out of the bedroom.
She emerged into an empty house. The television and lights were off, and the living room was unoccupied. "Hello?" she called out, and met only with silence. Finding no one downstairs, she padded upstairs to the master bedroom, fearing for the briefest instant that Kim had unraveled the mystery and decided it was time to try to outdo Kerri, just like she did with everything else, that she would somehow find the two of them together, naked --
But no. The bed, and the bedroom, were empty. She was alone.
She walked back downstairs and peered out the kitchen window into the driveway. The truck was gone, the tire tracks it had left behind already filling up with falling snow.
So they'd gone without her. Without even telling her. A knot of resentment and anger formed in her stomach, and she decided to make herself breakfast to take her mind off the sudden feeling of abandonment.
Two hours later, as Kerri sat in front of the television, she heard the truck amble up the driveway. A few moments later, Kim and her father bustled into the house, carrying bags, both of them talking and laughing.
"Hey sis," Kim chirped.
She turned, trying not to glare. "Hey," she said. "Where were you two?"
"In town," Steve said, as if it were self-explanatory. "I had to make a parts run."
"To the hardware store?" Kerri asked. "Why didn't anybody tell me?"
Steve looked at her quizzically. "I told Kim to leave a note. Didn't you?"
Kim made a show of puzzlement so complete and detailed that Kerri instantly knew it was fake. "I thought I did," she said, scanning the empty kitchen counter as she shrugged off her coat. "Oh, wait a minute. I put it in my coat pocket by accident. I'm sorry." She gave Kerri a sympathetic look. An Oscar-winning performance all around.
"And yet, society trusts her enough to vote for the leader of our nation," Steve said.
Kim scoffed indignantly. "Shut up, dad!" she said, and gave him a playful push as he emptied the bags. Kerri saw that they'd hit the grocery store as well.
"No big deal," she said with a smile, then turned back to the television. She listened to Kim and her dad chatter happily until she couldn't take it anymore, and turned up the volume to drown them out.
# # #
The snow began falling in earnest, and Steve bundled up again and ventured outside to plow the driveway. Kerri tuned the television to some brain-dead movie, and tried not to pay attention as Kim wandered around the house.
After awhile, Kim disappeared into the upstairs, and Kerri did her best to try to stifle her own resentment. She was being silly. So the two of them had gotten a little alone time. Was that so unreasonable? Why did she feel so jealous about something as stupid as a trip to the hardware store? Why did she think of that store as somehow her territory, territory that Kim was blithely horning in on?
The whole thing was stupid and petty -- exactly the kind of feelings her younger sister seemed so capable of inspiring in her, often without even trying. Kerri tried to lose herself in the movie and forget about it.
After awhile, Kim flopped down next to Kerri on the couch, carrying an armful of books. Kerri glanced over and saw that they were the old family photo albums -- Kim had dug them out from their father's room upstairs.
"Do you want to look at these with me?" Kim asked, brushing her blonde hair out of her eyes. She drew her legs up underneath her and sat cross-legged, the first of the albums open on her lap.
"No thanks," Kerri said.
Kim shrugged and began leafing through the pages, making the occasional comment as she went. "Oh wow. Junior year. Look at you. You were so gorgeous. What happened?"
"Bite me," Kerri said.
"It's all that college binge drinking. Dries you out and makes you all leathery and haggard-"
"I can't help it, I have to drink to forget living under the same roof with you for sixteen years."
"Shut up," Kim said, not unkindly. "Oh my God, remember this? The Halloween I was into Sailor Jupiter? I looked awesome." She tilted the album so Kerri could see. Kerri gave it a passing glance.
"You looked like a pedo-bait microskank," she declared.
"You're so mean!" Kim said, slamming the album shut and picking up the next one. "Oh, that reminds me. We ran into Dad's friend Rich while we are at the hardware store. Remember him?"
"A little," Kerri lied, remembering the possibly-knowing glance Rich had given her after her encounter with her father in the store's back room that summer. She was pretty sure she could never set foot in the place again.
"He got me by myself and I swear, he totally made a pass at me. Like, started asking me all these questions about how long I planned to stay, and if I was enjoying hanging out with my dad, and how I'd grown and shit, while he stared right at my chest. It was weird."
"He totally wanted you," Kerri said idly.
"Probably," Kim laughed, leafing through the new album. "He's actually not that bad for an older guy, though."
Kerri gave her an incredulous look. "Rich?" she asked.
"Yeah. He's got the gray hair and those big rough hands. And he's not that old. I'd do him."
Kerri shifted uncomfortably on the couch. Out of nowhere, the question of whether or not she and her sister thought alike had presented itself, unwelcome as a drunken houseguest. "He's the same age as Dad," she said, looking sideways to gauge Kim's reaction, even as a quiet voice in her mind asked her what the hell she was doing by guiding the conversation in this direction.
Kim smiled a little and continued leafing through the photo album, then shrugged her shoulders. "That doesn't bother me. I bet he likes that anyway. He's probably an old pervert and wants me to call him Daddy."
A hysterical laugh escaped from Kerri before she realized it was coming, and she clapped her hand over her mouth for a moment. "Oh my God," she said.
"What?" Kim looked over at her, somewhat intently. "Does that freak you out or something?"
Oh, Kim, Kerri thought. You can't imagine how much and how little that freaks me out at the same time.
"No," she said out loud. "You should totally go for it. Maybe you can find that old Sailor Jupiter costume and pay him a visit."
Kim giggled. "Okay, now you're just being gross." She flipped a page as she pondered. "Although I'll bet it still fits."
"Now who's the pervert?" Kerri asked, attempting it as a bit of a dig, but her heart wasn't in it.
"Guilty, I guess," Kim said, not rising to the bait. Kerri looked over at her sister. Kim was staring down at an old photograph of their dad, wearing that same flannel shirt he still wore, his hair a little fuller, his frame a little leaner -- but still not that different.
Kim smiled. "Do you remember when I was younger and I wanted to marry Dad when I grew up? And I even told him about it?"
Kerri massaged a temple with her fingertips. A headache had suddenly developed. "I really don't," she said, lying again.
"I don't remember exactly what he said," Kim said. "I remember he laughed about it and thought it was sweet. I remember how disappointed I was when I finally figured out that I couldn't marry my own dad. I'm so glad I didn't blather that to someone at school or something. It's so embarrassing."
"Yeah," Kerri said. "Pretty embarrassing."
Kim fell silent for a moment, the crackle of the turning pages and the distant rumble of the snowplow the only sound in the room. "Dad was a hot guy, though," she said at last.
Kerri blinked. The surreal turn of the conversation snapped something in her. "What are you talking about?" she said, more harshly than she'd intended.
Kim shrugged. "I'm just saying, he was an attractive guy. Still is, really. He's got that rugged sort of--"
