My name is Bethany. I'm almost 19 and I've been looking forward to starting college all year. I graduated high school last May and have been working on finding scholarships ever since, while also working two part-time jobs to save up money. You see, my parents don't have a lot of money. My going to college has always been a dream for both of them and I remember them preparing me for this as far back as I can remember. But the closer it got to the actual day, the more realistic we all had to get.
I knew I wasn't going to be able to go to a big expensive university if my family had to pay for it. I'm an only child, which makes things a little easier, but still. My dad is a carpenter. He sometimes works sixty-plus hours when the projects are available, but other times the work dries up. It's not his fault. He is a good provider, it's just this economy doesn't make things easy for anyone.
The worst part is that I know he is embarrassed to not have the money to send me to school in style. I don't care. I'm happy to work and save and help contribute as much as I can, but I think it makes him feel like less of a man somehow. I know that is why he has been taking on all these extra jobs. I wish he just knew how much I loved him and that he didn't have to work himself to the bone.
Mom has been a big help too. She has actually worked two part time jobs for the last couple years, helping out with groceries and to give us enough for an occasional vacation. Nothing crazy, just camping or maybe driving across state lines and chilling on the river for the day.
But here we are, in the final stretch. I have two solid options for schools. One is the local community college and where I will probably end up. The other is more of a long shot. Its a college out on the southern east coast. It is the nicest school that has accepted me and the also offered some substantial scholarships. At first, I thought it was a homerun. Then I thought about the move. That was the other issue. This school just happened to be 14 hours away. I had my grandpa's old used Toyota Corolla that was on it's last days on earth. It was fine for puttering around town, but Dad wasn't sure if it would make it for multiple trips half way across the country.
In the end, we decided to test out the waters. The school had a weekend long College recruitment day mid-summer. So I signed up. There was a campus tour and you got to meet with professors and academic advisors and really just get a taste for what the college life was like. Originally, my parents were both going to go with me. All three of us. I was, after all, their only child and I was thinking about leaving the nest. It was a momentous occasion. But then, the week before we were scheduled to leave, my mom came down with the flu. It was bad. We all had our fingers crossed, but she knew she wasn't going to be up for the trip across the country in the car and then all the walking at the school.
As disappointed as she was to miss it, she recognized that it was a good opportunity to me to see the school and at least Dad would be there to get more information and help make some decisions. We were both bummed that she wouldn't be joining us, but I was also excited to have a long weekend alone with my Dad. He had been working so hard, such long hours, for so long. I felt like we hardly had any time to talk or hang out anymore. And if I was going to be leaving for school soon, I didn't know how much we would get to see each other over the next four years.
The day of the road trip finally came. We were leaving on a Thursday morning. Our plan was to drive most of way, which was something like 8 hours. Then on Friday we would wake up, have a nice breakfast and drive the last few hours to the college. We loaded up the van. Dad would do the driving and I would be in charge of the music and snacks. Mom was feeling a bit better and hugged us goodbye. We pulled out of the driveway, waving goodbye and then hit the open road.
The first couple hours flew by. It was early, we had fresh coffee and I kept up a steady mix of music that I liked and music from Dad's generation. But after a couple hours, we were tired of music and things slowed down a bit.
"How are you doing, sweetheart?" Dad asked, "do you need a stop?"
"No, I'm good." I responded, "We have keep going for a while."
We drove in silence for a while, then Dad spoke up again. His voice was hesitant and I could tell he was trying hard to sound casual, but that his words were very carefully rehearsed.
"So, your mother tells me that you and Joe broke up." He said, in his fake "Happy Dad" voice.
"Did she?" I said and I glanced sideways at him.
"Yeah, no big deal." He said, "just thought I would ask. You know I care about you."
He was quiet for a long moment.
"And I never liked him anyway." he added under his breath.
As frustrated as I was with my mother for telling him something I had told her in confidence, that made me laugh. The fact was, I was a little afraid to talk to him about what had happened with Joe. We had been going out for about six months. Even though I was 18 years old, actually I was almost 19. Next month was my birthday. And even though most of my friends had been sexually active for a while, I was embarrassed to admit that I was still a virgin. I was even more embarrassed by the fact the Joe had tried to pressure me into bed. I told mom all about it, but I wasn't sure I was ready to deal with Dad. I continued to sit there in silence for a few minutes, working up the courage. Finally, I spoke again.
"What did Mom tell you about it?" I asked in a quiet voice. I stared hard at the road ahead and held my breath.
"I don't know any of the details about why you two broke up." He continued, "So, don't be too upset with your mother. All she told me was that he treated you poorly and wasn't worthy of you."
I felt tears begin to form in my eyes.
"And you don't have to tell me anything either," he continued, "that's not why I'm bringing it up. But I also want you to know that I am always here for you if you do want to talk.
The silence stretched on for another couple miles. Part of me just wanted to turn on some music and let the moment pass, but I also felt like if I didn't open up to him now, I didn't know if I ever would. Finally, I martialed my nerves and spoke.
"It was just moving too fast." I said.
He just nodded slowly.
"You see, I" I started, "I- I'm a virgin and he just kept pressuring me to have sex."
There. It was out. I had told him. I waited to see how he would respond.
"Well," he began, "I'm proud of you for ending things with him...Not because I don't want you do have sex, but because I want you to take those steps when you are comfortable. In your time. No one should push you or pressure you."