"Damn, nothing ever works out for me." And with that my son closed his lap top computer he had on the dinning room table. I knew he was trying to find a girl to go out with him and he was checking his e-mail for an answer.
"First, Kelly, then Sharon. Now Marie have all e-mailed me with a no." My son was 19 and in college a hour's drive away in capital city. "Nothing ever works out for me" and with that my son closed his lap top computer he had on the dinning room table. He was trying to find a girl to go out with him and he was checking his e-mail for an answer.
My son had never been good with girls in high school and was not doing any better now. His was a good kid but he just did not have that something special about him that young women wanted. I recalled how I treated some of the boys when I was in high school and felt a bit of shame come over me.
"What am I doing wrong mom?" my son ask.
"Nothing sweetheart, you just have not found the right one yet" and I went over and put my arm around him giving him a reassuring hug. Since my divorce from Roger's father I had to balance my son, along with the house, and my job. This was the time he really needed his father but I would have to do.
"Roger honey, would you want me to help? I ask. My son seemed a bit confused, "what do you mean help mom?" I took a deep breath and began to explain how I could ask around my friends if they would like to go out with a younger man. They were all divorce and nothing doing much with their private lives. If he did not have a problem with having a older girlfriend she could come and visit him at college on the weekends.
"I would love it, do you know somebody? Roger ask. "I just might know one or two, give me a few weeks to work on it" and I saw my son's face light up with joy. He was at that point in life where he needed his self esteem raised.
I chatted with a few of the women I knew but most were unconformable not so much of being with a younger man but that it would be my son. I did not want to press too hard but somehow things were not falling in place as easy as I thought it would. What was I going to do, I did not want to let my son down. It would devastate him.
Sitting at home that night I racked my mind trying to come up with something, it was like I was the only female that loved and cared for my son. He was after all the light of my life. If only there was someone like that..., and then it hit me. No I could not do that. Yes I loved my son and wanted him to be happy but still not that. I could not become my son's girlfriend. Sure I could teach him about sex in a loving way no other women would. And although I had let my looks go a bit since my divorce that did not mean I could look nice for a man again. But why was I thinking this?
After a few hours of watching TV I still could not get it out of my mind. I went to my computer and type in a search engine the words incest. So much came up, much were self help support groups. But many were stores that were very upbeat and positive about the subject. And to my surprise at least a third of the stories dealt with mother-son relationships. I never dreamed it was popular or had so much passion. How many were real and how many were made up I could not tell but I knew many young men enjoyed the idea. I had to sleep on the idea for a day but I knew what I wanted from the start. The question is would my son go for it?
I e-mailed my son that it was a go and wanted to know where he wanted to meet his date? He said a coffee house next to the campus would be good and he gave me a address and a time. My son asked what her name was? I said Diana which was my middle name, something he never remembered. My son wrote that he could hardly wait.
I drove that Saturday to capital city. I went to the coffee house an hour early and sat in the back. I had my hair tied back and wore dark glasses. Soon my son came in and sat down. He ordered a cup of coffee and looked around nervously. Then three other young man came in and saw my son and sat down with him. They were his friends but I could tell he did not want them at that moment, looking at his watch.
Finally my son got up and headed for the bathroom. On the way back to his table is when I got up and wisped to him, "Roger, here" He did a double take and then said "Mom? I motion for us to go to the back away from his friends.
"What is happening mom, where is she? Has something happened? I put my hand on my son's arm and told him that things did not work like I had hoped. I could see the crushed look in his eyes and I now knew that more then ever what I needed to do.
"I have a even better idea that can work if you go along with a little bit of game and role playing" I told him. "What do you mean, role playing" my soon to be surprised son asked. "Just trust me and go along with everything, no matter how crazy it may seem" and then gave my son a soft peck on the check. I will see you in about 30 minutes and went into the ladies room. My son returned to his table and friends bewilder.
Once in the ladies room I pulled out the trash bag I had hide behind some empty boxes. First the sun glasses came off, then pulling out a make kit I had in the bag and I gave myself a quick make over. Then I undid my hair and brush it straight out, something I had not done in a long time. I then took off my flat gym shoes and took out a pair of white dress boots with a 3.5 inch cube heel and put them on, tucking my slacks into them. Quickly I toss the shoes and make up kit into the bag and put it back behind the boxes. Luckily no one else came in the powder room (which shocked the hell out of me) and I slowly made my way out the door.
My son and his friends were sitting around the table laughing when I walked by. Everyone went silent as the sound of the heels on my boots clicking on the floor drew their attention. My son's eyes were wide open and his jaw almost hit the table.
"Hi guys" as I sat in the table next to them. "Well hello, one of the other boys answered. My poor son was lost in another world. " Can I get you a cup of coffee" the out going young man asked. "Sure, espresso if you do not mind" I smiled back. He got put out his hand and said I am Steven, my pleasure to meet you." I put mine out and said "hi, I am Diana, nice to meet you." And with that Steven raced to the counter and got me a cup of espresso. All the time my son Roger would look at me, then away, then look at me again.
Steve came back and handed my the cup. "My I sit you with Diana?" he asked." Sure, for a bit, what about your friends? Steven looked at the other two boys and gave them a nod to leave. The other two boys said they had to leave to meet their girlfriends and got up and left, leaving only my son. "What about your other friend, ask him over? Steven answered, "oh Roger he also was going to the library" trying to corner me for himself. It was easy to see Steven was the player in the group who control all his friends. Damn, this was going to be fun.