I can tell you when and how it started. What I can't say is why. I will never understand it but I can at least try to explain it.
My daughter Christina and I have always been close. When she was growing up I taught her to play softball and she taught me compassion. After her mother and I divorced Christina stayed with her mother but I had her on weekends. She was my only child and I adored her.
When she graduated high school I remember sitting in the front row, proudly taking her picture when she accepted her diploma. When she graduated college I cried. It meant my little girl was moving away. In her senior year she'd accepted a job out west and I know that meant the times we would see one another would be few and far between. She flew home on Christmas and managed to make it back for a thanksgiving or two before the events I am about to tell you about.
In high school Christina had always been a twig and she was teased incessantly about it. She developed slowly and, even after reaching maturity, she had small breasts like her mother. It was something that always bothered her. Her mother was a beautiful woman and I constantly pointed that out to Christina.
Last Thanksgiving she came home. I spent the day art my brother's house and she had dinner with her mom. My nieces and nephews were still in college and everyone looked forward to Christina making her appearance, albeit a brief one. She was coming over for dessert and then her and I would go back to the house to watch a movie and catch up. Her flight was two days later so we didn't have much time.
When Christina arrived at my brother's she gave everyone a hug and the entire time I couldn't take my eyes off of her. When did my little girl become such a beautiful woman? She 'd always been pretty, but the woman who walked in that door was breathtaking. She had a slight tan and her dirty-blonde hair had been cut short so it stopped at her shoulders. She was no longer the twig she'd been when I'd last seen her either. She was... curvier...solid. Her cousin was a gym rat and I listened as they compared notes. Christina had taken up swimming and yoga.
I watched every little move she made. The way she held her wine glass. Her laugh. The way she crossed and uncrossed her athletic, long legs. I found myself admiring her as a young woman more than once and chastised myself for it. I chalked it up to not seeing her often and being proud of how she was turning out. She exuded confidence.
When it came time to say our goodbyes she promised everyone she would stop by before flying home and we hopped in my car.
"Oh wow... That was fun," she said while buckling up.
I glanced at her. Yep... She was beautiful.
"I think Tommy was impressed with the yoga stuff. I know he and his girlfriend started doing it a couple months ago."
She blew her hair out of her face and stretched her legs out under the dashboard. "Let's just get home," she smiled. "I want to relax, have a glass of wine, and just enjoy being with you."
We chatted a bit about her job on the way home and soon enough we were both in our 'comfy' clothes, as we liked to call them, and on the couch as I fumbled with the remote to enter the Netflix password. 'Comfy' for me was sweatpants and a t-shirt. For Christina it was shorts and an oversized t-shirt that I had bought her for x-mas the year before. The shirt cam down just below the shorts so, if one didn't know it, it appeared as if that was all she were wearing.
I let Christina pick the movie as I poured the wine. We are both light drinkers and had already had some at my brother's so I made sure not to top our glasses off.\
We continued to chat, basically ignoring the movie, and pretty soon we were both yawning.
"Time for bed kiddo?" I said.
"God no. I don't want to sleep yet. I feel like I just got here." She held her glass out. "More wine." Her eyes sparkled as she said this and I had to look away. That was when it hit me. The way I looked away. I was attracted to her. That can't be possible. I told myself it was the wine and the fact that we were both tired. It had to be.
And then she surprised me. "Hey...let's cuddle like we used to. Do you think we'd still fit?"
When she was young I'd lay on the couch sideways with my back against the back of the couch and Christina would lay in front of me. There had even been room for the ever present bowl of popcorn she would devour. Not anymore. There would barely be enough room for two adults.
"We can try," I shrugged.
"Great!"
Christina got up so I could lay down. As soon as I was settled she was in front of me with her back facing me.
"Comfortable?" I asked.
"Very," she purred.
I glanced down at her legs. Since when did she have long legs?
I needed to stop. I tried to focus on the TV.
