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I dedicate this story to Walter from Southern California.
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With his wife, Ruth, no longer giving him sex, Jay has inappropriate, incestuous thoughts for his daughter.
Jay turned to wave goodbye to his daughter, Kim, before getting in the cab. After unintentionally seeing her naked twice in the last two weeks, now every time he looked at her, unable to help himself from seeing the naked image of her in his mind's eye, he imagined her without her clothes. Killing him inside with him feeling so guilty for his misplaced, sexual feelings, he was filled with sexual frustration and horniness for his wife that has suddenly manifested for his daughter. With his daughter's her long, lush brown hair and big, beautiful, brown eyes, Kim reminded him of Ruth twenty-five years ago.
Sometimes difficult to tell one from the other when hearing them in different parts of the house, they even have the same voice. They have the same inflections and share the same laugh. If only he wasn't so horny for his wife but with Ruth no longer giving him sex, he was so sexually frustrated. If his wife was sexually satisfying him in bed, he wouldn't even think such incestuous thoughts about his daughter. With him now a perversely perverted man, a man who's been thinking about having sex with his daughter, he blamed his unloving wife for all that he is today.
Now addicted to porn and all things pornographic, his wife has turned him into a sexual monster. Once a loving husband, now addicted to sex, he's a sexual degenerate. As long as the women are of age, 18-years-old and/or older, he'd have sex with any woman, anytime, and anywhere. Sex, sex, sex. When he's not focused on work, he's thinking about sex.
No matter where he is, he's thinking about sex. Even when he's walking through the airport, he's checking out women. When he's flying, he's checking out the stewardesses and the other female passengers. Even the hotels where he stays, the restaurants where he eats, and the bars where he drinks, are perfect places to meet women. Luckily for him, able to keep his wits about him and his cock as hard as his desire to meet and have sex with women, he doesn't drink anymore. Seltzer water or coffee is what he'll drink when sitting in a bar to take in the ambience of the room while checking out the women.
He loved his daughter and felt guilty leaving her alone to fend for herself with his wife and his wife's numerous boyfriends that she'd surely invite to the house in his absence. Yet, Kim's an adult. She can take care of herself. She's a strong woman who already knows what she wants in life.
With her exerting more control over Ruth than he can, she can handle her mother more than he could handle his wife at her age. She's even better at handling her mother now than he is. Right from day one, his wife always controlled him with the promise of sex. It's amazing how many years he believed her promises that she'd give him sex until he stopped believing her anymore. Now everything she said was a drunken lie. If only he had more of Kim's sense of self, her outspokenness, and her confidence when he was her age, he never would have married Ruth. In hindsight, a horny 20-year-old who thought more with his penis than with his brain, marrying Ruth was the biggest mistake of his life.
Ruth giving birth to their daughter was the only good thing about their marriage. Even though she looked just like her mother when Ruth was her age, she was more like him where it mattered, on the inside. Glad that she was more like him instead of more like his wife, she was so very much like him in so many ways. Kind and loving, she had a good heart and would make some lucky man a loving wife and her children a wonderful mother. A logical thinker, she could see the lies her mother told that he couldn't. With her having a happier childhood, albeit with her mother a drunken whore, she still had a better chance at finding happiness than he ever did.
Cursed to marry Ruth, even now, twenty-five years later, with some things never changing and some things always remaining the same, he's as lost now as he was then. He's just going through the motions of living life while suffering through his unhappy marriage. Pretending he's happy, tired of having the same arguments over and again, he suffers his sadness in silence and without complaint. With him not home long enough to complain, when he's not working, he's traveling. No matter where he goes, he's always able to find the comfort of a woman.
If it's not enough that his wife is a drunk, she's a whore too. He could deal with her drinking. He could get her help, attend AA meetings with her, and put her in rehab somewhere. He couldn't deal with her picking up men and bringing them home to fuck and suck. He couldn't deal with her exchanging sex for booze. Even though it was seemingly sexually exciting for him to know that his wife was fucking and sucking other men, he didn't want to know the details. With him not getting anything sexual from her, the sexual details of her having sex with other men would hurt him.
The only thing that saved him, his temporary reprieve that allowed him to continue his marriage of misery, gone more than he's home, is escaping his life and his wife to travel the country and the world. He couldn't imagine taking Ruth with him anywhere. He'd rather leave her home and travel alone than to have her embarrass him by getting drunk in public and having sex with one of his customers.
When he wasn't hiding from his wife while at work, he was hiding from her when traveling on a plane and living out of a suitcase in a hotel. Whenever he was somewhere else, no matter where he was, he was safe from having to listen to her droning, angry voice whenever he was far away. If it wasn't for the dire prospect of her taking a chunk of his money in a divorce settlement, he'd divorce her. Yet for one reason or another, even more than the thought of losing all of the money, for some reason or a multitude of reasons, he can't.
A telling sign that their marriage is over, he'd think his wife would be at the front door to see him off too, but she wasn't. Nowhere to be found, she's probably pouring herself a drink, even at this early hour of the morning, in celebration of him leaving. Leaving on a ten day, business trip, even though he looked forward to running away, he hated when his trips included his weekends. Then, when he returned to work the day after coming home, having terrible jet lag, he felt as if he didn't have any time to himself to decompress and relax.
"Bye, Daddy. Bring me something back from Japan," said his daughter Kim waving and smiling. "I'm going to miss you. Stay safe and have a safe flight. Call me when you land."
In her saying goodbye, telling him that she'll miss him, to stay safe, hoping he has a safe flight, and reminding him to call her when he lands, she acted more like his wife than his daughter. Yet, with his sexual addiction creeping in even when saying goodbye to his daughter, he was incorrigible in his sexual desire for women, any woman, even his own flesh and blood. Suddenly, he looked at Kim with sexual lust as if she was his wife. If only his wife was more like his daughter, they wouldn't be having marital problems right now.
He thought of the kimono he'd buy her, something blue, her favorite color. He looked at Kim as if she was a Geisha girl, his very own, submissive Geisha girl. He imagined her dressed in a blue, silk kimono and ready to service his every sexual whimsy and perversely perverted, sexual desire. He imagined her naked beneath the decorative robe. With her hair up and her big tits blousing out the front of the Japanese oriental robe, she'd look so pretty in a colorful kimono with a contrasting obi tied around her waist. Just as he's always wondered what nuns wore beneath their habits, he's always wondered what Geisha girls wore beneath their kimonos.
Digressing in thought, he wondered if his daughter is as sexually submissive when having sex with her boyfriend as he was when having sex with her mother. With Ruth the dominant one, by the time he got married, he was already pussy whipped. Maybe Kim's not submissive at all. With him having overheard her giving her boyfriend phone sex in the way that her mother used to give him phone sex before they were married, maybe she's as sexually aggressive as her mother.
It's funny how he's changed and how Ruth hasn't. It's insightful how he's grown and how Ruth hasn't. It's telling how he's matured and how Ruth hasn't. Able to see the real truth now that the sexual fog of control that she had over him has lifted, she's the same bitch now as she was when he married her. It was his fault for not seeing what she was then and still is now. If he was to blame anyone for his disastrous marriage, he needs to blame himself. He wanted her and now he's stuck with her.
With him the strong man and her the weak woman, it was his fault for not exerting his control over her. Only, with him always the submissive one, he was never a strong man, especially when around her. With her always the dominant one, especially when around him, she was never a weak woman. It was his fault for not testing her and pushing her limits in making her give him what he sexually wanted. Still, as demonstrated by her not changing who she is, he'd be nuts to think that he could ever change her, especially now. The only one who could make any changes in her was herself and why would she change when she was having a good time being a bitch?
What he wanted then is what he still wants now. Only what he wants now is with other woman and not with her. What he wanted before is what she gave to every other man. What he wanted was sex. What he wanted was her to not only make love to him but also for her to want to make love to him. What he wanted was for her to not only fuck him but also for her to want to fuck him. What he wanted was her to not only blow him but also for her to want to blow him. What he wanted was to cum in her mouth and watch her swallow his cum. Only, too late now, even if she was to volunteer to suck him, allow him to cum in her mouth, and swallow him, he'd rather receive that from another woman instead of from her, anyone but from her.
What he found sexually appealing when having sex with Ruth before they were married, he didn't now. Now that they don't have sex, haven't had sex in years, she's sexually aggressive with other men instead of with him. Having already gone through the hurt and the rejection, he used to be angry with her for not giving him sex but now he's not. Now, with him getting what he sexually needs from a multitude of other women, he doesn't care that she doesn't want to sexually be with him.
It doesn't bother him that she doesn't want him sexually, even though it does. It doesn't bother him that she sucks and fucks dozens of men for booze, even though it does. It doesn't bother him that his wife is a drunken whore, even though it does. It doesn't bother him that she belittles him and makes him feel small, even though it does. It doesn't bother him that she doesn't respect him by appreciating all that he does for her, even though it does.