“Hi mum.”
“Hello darling, how did College go today?”
“Ok mum, can Charlie stay to tea? He’s helping me with this project.”
“Oh hello Charlie, yes of course Ben, Charlie’s always welcome; I told you that.”
“Hello Mrs Peters; thanks.”
“You don’t need to thank me love, and how many times it’s Clair. You make me feel old, it’s bad enough having a son who’s turned 18 already, you’re 18 today aren’t you Charlie, Ben said it was your birthday.”
“Ok sorry Mrs, ugh, I mean Clair, yes 18 today.”
“That’s better Charlie, now we’re friends aren’t we, why don’t you take Charlie into the sitting room Ben, I’ll have something ready for you both in a while.”
“Dad coming home tonight then is he mum? Or is he staying in Newcastle again.”
“Um I think he’s staying longer love, he won’t be home until the weekend.”
“Good.”
“I know, very good darling isn’t it.”
“Come on Chas let’s go watch some telly for a while.”
“Um Ben?”
“Yes mate.”
“Don’t think I’m being nosey, but why is it good?”
“What Chas?”
“You know, your dad not coming home until the weekend.”
“Oh did I say that, I didn’t say that, did I.”
“Yea mate, and your mum agreed with you like, didn’t she, Oh fuck I’m a nosey bastard don’t take any notice Ben.”
“That’s Ok Chas, I dunno, maybe we meant it’s good he has plenty of work on.”
“Ah yes, of course, sorry Ben, tell me to keep my nose out if I start again, you know what I’m like.”
“You two boys want a drink?”
“Oh Ok, yes please, um Clair, cup of tea maybe.”
“Oh Charlie, I mean a real drink, Jack’s got a heap of beer in the cupboard, we may as well take advantage while he’s away, I always take advantage when he’s away, would you like one?”
“Oh I’d love one Clair, if that’s alright.”
“Umm I bet you would Charlie, Ben, want one as well do you?”
“Yes why not love, I’m always ready for one, I mean I’ll drink his beer.”
“Here we are then you two, a lager each, nice big one as well, nice to have a big one inside you isn’t it Charlie?”
“Oh yes I’ll say Mrs Peters, hehe.”
“Charlie?”
“Sorry Clair, I meant Clair. Thanks Clair.”
“Here you are Ben darling, a big one for you as well.”
“Thanks love.”
“Right I’m off to the kitchen to get on, see you both in a bit.”
“Ben?”
“Yes mate.”
“Do you always call your mum love, you know sort of all relaxed like, my mum would go banana’s if I called her love, well my dad would, she’d laugh.”
“Oh did I, well we are a very liberal family Chas, very liberal.”
“How about the project then mate, shall we get on with it?”
“Well I dunno, no fuck it, can’t be bothered Chas.”
“But I thought that’s why I’m here Ben, you know your project, I thought you were struggling with it.”
“No mate, no, it suddenly all clicked into place in my brain, I’ll finish it tomorrow at College, let’s just have a good drink and get pissed up.”
“Oh well, I’m all in favour of that Ben boy, let’s go for it.”
“Tell you what Ben, like I said the other day, your mum’s a lovely person, so nice and she always acts so young and modern like.”
“Hmm you’re right Chas she is a cracker mate, she isn’t that old you know, she got pregnant with me when she was 18. She’s only 36 now, lot younger than most of the student’s mum’s.”
“Wow, that is young, jeez 36, my mum’s 43 I think, might be 44 now.”
“Fuck, don’t you even know your mum’s age, I know every single thing about Clair, every little detail.”
“Does she mind you calling her Clair?”
“No not at all, I use her first name all the time when we’re alone, or with close friends.”
“I wish I could be as relaxed as that with my mum and dad.”
“No not with dad as well, he’s fucking tight, he’d go nuts if I called her Clair in front of him, I called him Jack one evening he didn’t half give me a funny look over his glasses, all sort of school master like.”
“Come on anyway Chas, drink up, I feel like getting a bit merry and cutting loose for a change.”
“Hmm me too mate, let’s get blasted, fuck the College work.”
“Better ring your mum Chas; tell her you’re here and staying the night before we get too fucked up in the head.”
“Oh do you reckon I can stay all night then Ben, won’t your mum mind? I mean we haven’t asked her yet.”
“Clair, Charlie, it’s Clair, not my mum, we want you to call her Clair and be open and friendly, not all formal like. Clair’s your friend now, real friend I hope; she’ll only give you another bollocking for being too formal.”
“Wow Ben, I just have a problem getting used to it like, the liberated thing you know.”
“Clair’s always liked you Chas, she talks about you a lot; she wants to be a friend to you.”
“Really, jeez I never knew.”
“Yes she was only saying yesterday how nice it would be to see you again, Clair likes young men around her, well dad’s a lot older isn’t he, and a fucking miserable bastard.”
“Hello my boys, how are you doing, another drink Chas, one for you as well Ben darling?”
“Yes please Clair, jeez I’ll be drunk if I have many more of these big cans; strong stuff isn’t it?
“Oh is it strong Charlie, I may have to have a couple then to loosen me up a bit; I like getting loose with a couple don’t I Ben.”
“I’ll say you do Clair, yes I’ll have another too, I’m in a party mood now, let’s party, Charlie’s birthday party. Chas is going to ring his mum and tell her he’s staying the night, aren’t you Chas.”
“Oh good, you do that darling, tell her it’s Ok with me. This has the making of a fun evening hasn’t it boys, we can all get nice and relaxed together.”
“Um where’s the phone Clair?”
“In the hall Chas, just help yourself, in fact help yourself to anything you want, let your hair down darling.”
“Alright Ben love, is Chas alright with it all do you think?”
“Yea, he’ll be alright Clair.”
“Ok I’ve told mum, she said to tell you thanks for putting up with me and she’ll see you next week at the club meeting Clair.”
“Oh good, right then you two lovely boys; you can be my escorts to this evenings party, let’s get merry. You don’t think I’m disgusting wanting to get drunk with my son and his friend do you Chas darling?”
“Oh wow, I should say not Clair, wish my mum were like you, well she would be given the chance I think but she has to behave though, dad would go nuts if she got drunk in front of me and a mate.”
“Hmm Ben’s dad would kill me if he could see me now getting playful with you two, wouldn’t he Ben, smack me straight in the face wouldn’t he?”
“Yea the bastard.”
“Anyway Charlie doesn’t want to hear all this crap, do you darling Chas, another drink I think for you two, and a nice big one for me.”
“Oh right thanks Clair, you’re really great.”
“Do you think so Chas, really think I’m great that is?”
“Yea Clair really.”
“Mmm, you’re lovely Charlie, and listen love, your mum’s a lot more relaxed than you think, believe me she is, I know her quite well from our girlie club.”
“Fuck me Ben, your mum’s really good fun, sorry I know, Clair not mum.”
“Yea mate she is, and she’ll get better later believe me she will, you wait until she’s had a couple more drinks mate.”
“Here you are boys, two nice big one’s, do like them big Chas?”
“Wow Clair, yes I do, I mean I like a nice long drink.”
“I like a nice long one as well Chas darling.”
“I’m off to get the food boys, drink up, I want you both nice and relaxed for our party tonight.”
“Ok Clair darling.”