Writing can really kick you in the assâtrying to make a living at it, I mean. I don't tell people about it; after a certain age it gets a bad reaction as in: "Geez, you ever write anything I'd know?"
I'd guess not.
Yet I go on.
With so many burned bridges behind me, I continued the 'write, submit, wait, reject' routine, until I said, "Enough with this!"
I had an idea. What I did was put an ad in one of those coffee shop freebiesâyou know the ones with the all the jokes and such. It read: "Will do biographies of your aging loved ones. Do it before it's too late." By some coincidence, the quote 'When an old man dies, a library burns down' ran beside it on its first running. Weird. But I liked it.
And by damn, it worked! The first few jobs went well; I even went on a few dates with a pretty granddaughter. She wanted to marry a 'real writer', so whatever, no hard feelings. I wished her all the luck in the world.
Some of the stories I collected, the ones told in front of weepy families, were downright touching. Such were the war adventures, tame romance in hard times, typical of the human condition. The odd time I'd hit on a live oneâunfit to print as told. I can assure you, no family members were present for the following storyâa nurse loitered around, but that's it.
All names, places changed...bla, bla, over eighteen. You get the idea.
******
My meeting with Cecil Andress:
"Sit down young man, no not there. At my desk. I used to write too, so don't get too smart now," said the man. He was a real antique by the name of Cecil, north of eighty, or so they told me. He had lived as a handsome man, but hit the wall pretty hard, and there he lay. "I used to write, but they slammed me into this fricken' nursing home. Prison with bedpans is more like it."
"Well okay. My name is Frank. Pleased to meet you."
He scanned me though his trembling spectacles, held out at arm's length. "Fuck if you are. I know you. You're my no-good grandnephew Eddy the Pussy Hound. Don't you go bullshitting this old man."
Oh dear.
"Okay. Where to start? They didn't tell me much," I replied.
"Listen Eddy, I'm going to tell you something. I know you can handle it. You might have a relative, or a shit load of relatives by now. Up North. You ready? I don't reckon on repeatin' myself."
I nodded. I waved my microphone around, not that he noticed.
"Fuckin' kid. You ready Eddy?"
"Yes Sir!"
"That's more like it." His jaws rotatedâhe slurped at his juice box. I detected the faint scent of booze, and urine. It was okayâI was used to it.
Part One.
Cecil Speaks:
The Andress clan scraped their pennies together and sent me to schoolâa damn fine one at that. It took two days and a night to get there by rail, but get there I did. If only I'd made some friends, things would have been easierâbut my dang accent gave me away. I learned to talk like them, but they knew what I was and steered clear. Damn Yankees. The work? Oh hell, that was the easy part. By Christmas time I was as lonesome as a one-armed paper hanger. I sat there, just sat there stirring my coffeeâalong came Alex.
"Well hi there Cece. Penny for your thoughts?"
Now Alex, he was one odd duck. He was always mooning around, all dreamy like. More than once I caught him eyin' meâdidn't know what to make of it. He never changed or showered with the gang neither; never did I see him with a girl, not ever. Odd, but like I said, I was lonesome, so I said hello.
"My thoughts ain't... I mean are not worth a penny."
"Oh, let me be the judge of that. You going home for the holidays?" he asked.
"Not as such. We damn near broke the bank getting me here, so no, I guess not."
"Whatcha going to do then?"
"Hang around here I guess." It didn't sound as bad as all that until I heard it out loud.
"That's no good Cece. It won't do. Why not come along with me. Mother's house is huge. And the food! She worries I don't have any friends, so be a chum and come along?"
"Okay. I will." Food, fun and drink I assumed? I didn't have to think twice. That Alex, he was okay.
I expected we'd be going by train but I was wrong. Old Alex, why he had himself a fair jitney he didâa Graham Paige sedan, and it was smooth and fast. He threw our bags in the back and off we went. "Not too shabby, eh Cece?"
I had to agree.
We rolled right along, and that machine ate up the mile-markers like they were peanuts. Ha! Peanuts! I remember getting hungry. It was like he read my mind. We stopped at a diner.
"Hey Cece," said Alex after we ate, "Want to wet your whistle?"
"Whistle? Oh, I get it. There's no doin'. Damn prohibition."
"Wanna bet?" he asked.
We walked two blocks; he got us into a place that served that rare old stuff. Odd thing was, he sipped at his and pushed the remainder my way. "You go ahead. Finish it for me. My treat."
I looked back and forth; two men at the bar smirked at us. He thumbed the rim. "Go ahead. I don't have the plague."
By the time we left I was feeling no pain, and by supper it all happened again, two towns over. We started talkingânot about how the ball team was doing, or about our grades and professorsâno. It was differentâCecil, he was different.
"Say, how come I never see you with a lady-friend, Alex?"
"I don't know. Anyway, I could ask you the same."
"Hehe, You got me there. I'm just fussy, is all."
"Well there you go then." We drove into the sunset, parting the fog when he said, "Hey Cece?"
"Yeah?"