After that first weekend with Thomas my life was changed forever. Every waking moment was consumed by thoughts of him and what we did. I didnât regret making love to my brother but I was plagued with doubts. I couldnât help but think of the ramifications of our actions. Foremost in my mind was what would happen if our parents found out. I knew it would break their hearts. They would never, could never, understand how Thomas and I feel about each other. How could they? We didnât really understand it either.
Besides making love, Thomas and I also talkedâŚa lot. He told me about his life, his work, past relationships (I found it impossible not to be jealous when he spoke of other women) but mostly he spoke about us, how he felt about me, and how it all started for him.
As I said in the first chapter of this story, he is handsome, intelligent, extroverted and very charming. All these qualities (and the fact that heâs financially comfortable) make him a very desirable catch for any woman. For as long as I can remember Thomas has not lacked for female company. He is by no means perfect â heâs prone to arrogance, infuriating stubbornness and on several occasions Iâve seen him treat his girlfriends with a discomfiting lack of regard. As wonderful as he is, he is not Mr. Perfect, nor would I want him to be. The point Iâm trying to make is that while Thomas has his faults, he could still have just about any woman he wants. That left me with the question - why did he want me?
Thomas told me he realised a few years ago that his feelings for me went beyond what was acceptable between a brother and sister. Until I was 17 he looked on me purely as his little sister â cute, clever little Cat.
In hindsight, it changed the day he came to visit and our parents were out. Until then our interaction was usually limited to times when one or both of our parents were present too. It was rare that we spent time alone together. That particular day, instead of leaving after a few minutes he decided to wait until our parents returned in a couple of hours. I was in my bedroom reading a book â Anthem by Ayn Rand. Thomas wandered into my room to borrow a book and noticed what I was reading. Heâd read the book a few years before and he asked me what I thought of it. That started a conversation about the theme of the book â a societyâs attempt to abolish individuality â that led to other topics. The next two hours flew by as we talked about books, religion, philosophy, politics, and just about anything that came to mind. It wasnât only a serious discussion. We teased each other, traded mock-insults and generally had such a fun time challenging each other that the conversation often deteriorated into helpless laughter.
When our parents arrived home I donât think I imagined that he was as disappointed as I was that our time alone together had come to an end. Our mother was usually the one who monopolised Thomasâs time and I rarely got a word in sideways when she was present. He and I did manage to spend a bit more time together in the years that followed and those were the years that formed the basis of our relationship. I attributed my eagerness to be in his company to the normal hero-worship of a little sister for her big brother. I learned to ignore my resentment and jealousy of his numerous girlfriends and my relief as each one disappeared from the scene. There were times when I wondered why his relationships never seemed to work out but I concluded that he was probably waiting for Ms. Perfect. That was Thomasâs way â he only wanted the best.
He told me that he found himself eagerly anticipating the moment when he would see me again. The women he normally dated usually didnât stimulate him intellectually and he liked being able to talk to me about any subject. Then he started noticing the way I looked â my hair, what I was wearing, the way I moved, little gestures I made when talking. It was as if he was discovering a whole new person. For a long time he tried to deny it but eventually he had to face the truth â he was falling in love with me. He was horrified and disgusted with himself and subsequently made a conscious effort to keep away from me. That was made easier when I went to university and he started his rapid ascent in the business world.
I listened intently as he slowly revealed layer after layer of a Thomas I never knew existed. My heart ached for him as he spoke of his frustration and heartache at the hurt he would cause if his love for me were ever exposed.
We spent hours talking about how to deal with the situation and after much discussion we reached the conclusion that we didnât have a clue! Of one thing Thomas was certain though â he wanted to be with me. Now that he knew I returned his feelings, nothing would stand in his way. Thomasâs intensity scared me. I felt he was being unrealistic about us. He grew up used to getting his way â if it wasnât given to him he worked until he got what he wanted. He was fiercely competitive and hated losing at anything. I am not like that and I was pessimistic about our future. I couldnât see any way to make it work.
What made matters worse was that my life had to continue as normal â I went out, spent time with my friends and generally tried to do everything as I did before that weekend. I couldnât confide in anyone and I tried my best to deal with the conflicting emotions raging in me. On the one hand I felt guilty and ashamed but on the other hand Thomas had awakened a long-dormant passion. I wanted him and had a physical ache to be with him again. Every night I lay awake for hours thinking about him. Scenes of our lovemaking played over and over in my mind - my tongue exploring his hard abdomen with itâs light covering of crisp black hair, his strong hands on my body, his loud cries as he came inside me. All these images, and more, tormented me night after night. I knew that, no matter what my misgivings, I would not be able to resist him the next time.
It was an agonizing three weeks before we saw each other again. We knew we had to be careful not to see each other too soon as this would arouse our parentsâ suspicions. Also, Thomas still had a demanding career that took up much of his time. He called whenever he could but talking on the phone couldnât satisfy our craving for each other.
One day he called and asked me to meet him in town. He had managed to cancel his meetings for the rest of that day and we could finally spend some time alone together. I was nervous, yet ecstatic at the prospect of seeing him again.
We met at a quiet little restaurant not far from his office. I was a little anxious about meeting him so close to his place of work but he assured me that no-one from his office ever went there. We sat at a corner table, away from the windows. At first it was awkward. We toyed with our food and spoke of everyday things. Neither of us seemed capable of broaching the subject that was foremost in our minds. Finally Thomas broke the ice.
âI missed you Cat. I canât stop thinking about our weekend together.â He said. âLast week I was sitting in my office staring out the window, daydreaming about you instead of doing my work.â
I let out a sigh and said, âI missed you too Thomas. I think about you all the time and these past three weeks away from you have been hell.â
âWell I have good news for you my darling. I figured out a way for us to spend more time together.â He said. âIâm working on a project that should last about three months. We need someone to write user manuals and I think youâre perfect for the job. No, wait.â He said as I opened my mouth to object. âYouâre not getting the job because of our relationship, well maybe just a little.â He laughed. âYouâre getting the job because you have the skills. Youâre intelligent, hardworking, well-organised, educated and you can write.â
âAre you sure about this Thomas?â I asked. âWonât your colleagues look on this as nepotism? I assume you have an interviewing process and they wonât think itâs fair that you appoint your sister to the position.â
âMy team understands the need to do whatever it takes to get the right people for the job and I donât anticipate any problems. Besides, since Iâm now an equal partner in the business, they donât have much say in who I hire and fire.â Thomas replied.
Thomasâs complete confidence that he was right was a bit unsettling. The thought crossed my mind that one day, what I wanted and what Thomas wanted would be at cross-purposes. Would I then have the strength to stand up to him? I hurriedly brushed that thought aside and instead concentrated on what he was telling me.
The plan was that I would start the following Monday. In order to brief me properly he said it would be best for me to spend the weekend at his place. He grinned naughtily as he said this and I felt myself flush with desire as I looked into his dark laughing eyes.
My desire for him surged through my body. It must have showed in my expression because he slid his hand under the table and started exploring my thigh. I was wearing a short summer dress and it was easy for him to slide his hand far up my leg. I was worried that someone would see but as I glanced around the nearly empty restaurant nobody seemed to be paying us any attention. I parted my legs and allowed Thomasâs exploring fingers easier access. He smiled as he found me already wet. His probing finger slid easily inside me and I fought to stifle a moan of pleasure as he expertly went to work on me.