Catalyst

As expected, all my fears and worries came rushing in soon after Mandy and Trevor left. Rich went to the driving range with some friends, and I found myself sitting in the living room, my thoughts a torrent of accusations and worries, my emotions ranging from tears to laughing out loud. It felt like I was losing my mind; but in reality, it was the release from earlier in the day. Yes -- the sex had been amazing; but it also had taken an emotional and mental toll on me that I hadn't fully realized until I was alone with my thoughts.

I took a long, hot shower to relax and allow my mind to clear, then went and worked in the office, putting together an extensive list of everything I needed to get done over the next week, before I could slip out of town on vacation. While we had talked about some of the things we wanted to do at Lake Tahoe, we hadn't put together a menu or gone shopping for food and drinks. Much of that would have to wait until Friday, when I was planning on having the day off.

Rich came home around 5pm and put some seasoned chicken breasts on the grill while I put a salad together. We enjoyed the meal on our patio, spending some time talking through the events from earlier in the day. Rich could sense I needed to talk about it, and he actively listened and asked pointed questions to help draw out my concerns and worries. Somehow talking about it only made things in my mind worse, more conflicted, confused.

We cleaned up the kitchen and did the dishes, then I refilled our wine glasses while he cued up a movie for us to watch. We finished it up a little after 9pm and were enjoying the last of our wine when Jenna came home. She was not her bouncy, smiling self, but instead had a frown on her face. She came and sat down on the loveseat and began to tell us about her evening.

"We met up with some friends and went out for dinner at a Thai place, it was really good. We didn't feel like going out for drinks, so we went back to Leo's house to watch a movie. We kinda... messed around, a couple times, during the movie... Leo, he... he cums way too fast, we barely would get going and then he would lose it... I never even got close to cumming. It was really frustrating."

I offered, "I can understand that."

She shrugged, then said, "I don't know... I mean, I guess it probably had something to do with... my earlier activities. It was a lot of fun with my sugar daddy... and then even more fun when I came home."

She gave us a big smile, then continued, "But... I really need to... like... fuck. Hard. If that makes sense. Like ride a cock nice and hard."

"I'm relatively certain your father can help you with that," I said.

She smiled at me, then Rich, who said, "Right here? Or should we..."

His words trailed off as he saw Jenna stand up and slip out of the summer dress she was wearing, followed quickly by her bra and thong. Surprisingly, his cock was already growing hard as he took off his shorts and underwear with one quick movement, then reached up and pulled his shirt off.

As Rich leaned back, Jenna got on her knees between his legs and began sucking his cock, slowly at first, then eagerly, hungrily. After a few moments it was fully hard, and she stood up, placed a knee on each side of him, and reached behind her to guide his cock into her. It slid in easily, Leo's residual cum making things slick, and both Rich and Jenna let out loud groans as she impaled herself on him.

"Fuck, daddy... your cock feels so fucking good..." and with that she began to ride him hard, thrusting down to grind her clit on the base of his cock for a few moments, then lifting herself up to stroke the length of his shaft with her wet pussy. It was truly mesmerizing and watching it got me aroused again.

Rich had his hands on her ass cheeks, pulling them apart as he pulled down on her, ramming himself deep inside her with each stroke, penetrating her to her core. Her moans and cries became more intense, her thrusting faster, as an extremely powerful orgasm built within her, then exploded out of her, her head back, eyes glazed over, mouth open, gasping for breath.

She settled down on his cock and leaned onto his chest, as he gently stroked her back and ass. She looked up and said, "Fuck... I needed that, so bad..."

I nodded and said, "We could tell."

Rich said, "Jackie, do you want to... clean her up, while I get behind you to finish?"

I smiled and said, "Sure," and stood up, slipping out of my clothes.

Jenna slid off Rich and laid back, her eyes closed, a faint smile on her lips, legs spread open. I got between her thighs and smelled the exquisite scent of sex... elements of Leo's cum mixed with Jenna's sugary sweet pussy juices. I took my time cleaning her up, Jenna occasionally shaking or twitching and moaning softly as my tongue encountered her clit.

Rich got behind me and slid in slowly, a low groan coming from my mouth as I continued to clean up the mess between Jenna's thighs. He started pumping me rhythmically, deeply, and I could tell he was working up to another orgasm. I heard him gasp, felt him pull on my hips as he thrust deep, then heard a loud grunt and moan as he unloaded inside of me.

"You guys are the best parents in the world..." Jenna mumbled as Rich slid out of me and we both sat back. There were many things I wanted to say, but I bit my lip, not wanting to kill the mood. The overriding thought in my head was, what kind of parent would be doing this with her family? But I already knew the answer to that question, and the ache of worry just wouldn't go away.

Monday morning was the rude awakening I expected it to be, considering all that I needed to get done before I could leave for a week in Tahoe. I knew, and everyone around me knew, I needed to unplug. Step away from work, completely. But try as I might to get through some of my list, it seemed as if other agents and a smattering of clients were conspiring to keep me from getting anything accomplished. My phone wouldn't stop ringing, and I didn't even get a chance to get some lunch until 2pm.

I suppose I should have been glad to have been so distracted, as it kept my mind off the worries of the past weekend, as well as the one issue that loomed larger than anything else: Dylan coming home. I had been so sure I was ready to open the door to intimacy with him; but now my thoughts were swinging hard the other way. I couldn't do it; it was too far, too much to ask. Not with my sweet baby boy.

But even that thought stopped me in my tracks; if it was ok with Jenna and Mandy, why would it not be ok with Dylan? What was the difference? Was it the fact that he was a man, instead of a woman? Why would that make a difference? Or was it the fact that, by being with him, it would mean my entire family had become completely consumed by the kind of lust that society rejected?

Mentally I was exhausted, yet my mind continued to race in circles as I drove home from work. Rich was waiting for me with dinner, some chicken divan he had just pulled out of the oven. We ate in silence, my thoughts still a vortex of worries and concerns, while I consciously forced myself to not think about the deep desire to be intimate with Dylan.

On the surface, there was a desire for the pleasure it would bring to both of us; but under that was the desire to build the same kind of special connection with my son that I now had with both of my daughters. Or was I just a depraved, middle-aged woman seeking the next thrill, regardless of the cost?

Knowing better than to provoke me, Rich gave me time and space to unwind and relax, cleaning up the kitchen while I took my wine glass and sat in the shower, letting the heat and steam soothe me. While it felt wonderful and had the desired effect of calming my frayed nerves, sitting in the shower also brought back many memories. Erotic memories.

Years ago, when we first bought the house, we realized much of the house would need to be completely renovated. At the top of our list was the master bathroom, which was cramped and had a tiny shower that barely fit one person. Rich and I both knew it would simply not do.

After looking over dozens of proposed designs, Rich decided to make one of his own, a huge walk-in shower that doubled as a steam room. He had the contractors knock out an entire wall and build a small addition onto the side of the house, with floor to ceiling glass, two shower heads, an on-demand natural gas hot water heater, and a heated tile bench big enough for Rich to stretch out and lay on.

Underneath was a water filtration and recirculation tank, so we could reuse the water instead of dumping it down the drain. The windows looked out on our backyard and added to the relaxation when in the shower. Theoretically, someone in the backyard could look in and see everything; but we had ensured our backyard was landscaped such that we had privacy from prying neighbors.

The cost for the whole setup was ridiculously expensive, but it made for a wonderful steam room, particularly in the winter months. When the weather was warm enough, we could open up the top row of windowpanes and bring in a fresh breeze, which was delightful.

As I sat there, my thoughts wandered to some of the many memories we had made in the shower. Both Rich and I had had our share of trysts in the shower, both with each other and with other partners. I recalled the time I had come home early, seeing a FedEx truck parked outside our house as I drove up. As I came into the house I heard activity in our bedroom and went in to investigate. There I found a crumpled-up FedEx uniform on the bed, moans of pleasure coming from the bathroom. I peeked in and saw Rich fucking a woman from behind in the shower.

She was probably in her late 30's or early 40's, thick and curvy, with gorgeous caramel skin and long black hair. Seeing her large breasts swaying back and forth as Rich pumped her deep was mesmerizing, and I was half-tempted to strip down and join them. I watched for a few more minutes, then quietly left. I drove around the neighborhood for a while, then drove up to the house just as the FedEx truck was driving off. The driver had a big grin on her face, and later Rich and I had some very erotic sex after he told me about seducing the driver.

And then another, earlier memory came to me, unbidden... right after the construction of the shower was complete, Rich had encouraged the lead contractor to give the shower a try, to include having me join him in the shower. It was apparent to both Rich and I that the contractor found me attractive; Rich thought it would be fun to "reward" him for his exceptional work.

It was definitely a kinky thrill for both of us, and once the contractor realized we were being serious, he readily agreed. Rich stepped out, a big grin on his face, and soon the contractor and I were enjoying the hot steamy shower together. He was such a sweet man and it was so deeply satisfying to me, to bring him that kind of unique, erotic pleasure.

Was that it? Was that why I wanted to be with Dylan? Because I loved giving pleasure to others, loved making those around me happy? But if I wanted to make Dylan happy, couldn't I just get him a new mountain bike? Did I really need to have sex with him? I thought about the pleasure and enjoyment I had had with Jenna, and Mandy. Was that just casual sex, or was there more there, a deeper connection, a more intimate relationship?

On the surface it could be seen as just casual sex, taboo sex, societally wrong. But I had talked things through with both Mandy and Jenna. They both felt a deeper, closer bond to me now. There was something special between us, something that wasn't there before.

And Trevor? How did I explain that? Did I need to go that far, and have sex with him, especially the way I had done it? And why had I done it that way? Was it for my own gratification, or because I wanted to do something fun and memorable for everyone involved, to bring them pleasure and happiness? I felt much closer to him now, as well, but by becoming intimate with him, had I put an even greater strain on their marriage? And how did Mandy really feel when she saw her husband with Jenna?

I thought back to the experience with the contractor; I had been so willing to strip down and offer myself to him, a man I barely knew; a married man who had a wife and kids at home, waiting for him. How many other men had I had sex with, over the years? How many women? Our trip to Mexico, my experiences in Atlanta, Tampa Bay, the gang bangs, the glory holes, being introduced to dogging while on vacation in New Mexico... What did that make me? I could rationalize things away, make excuses, convince myself there was something deeper to it all. But in reality, I felt like... like a complete and total slut. Was that what I was?

I shut off the water and sat there, letting the heat and steam subside. I didn't have any answers, to any of the questions swirling around in my head. As I stepped out of the shower, Rich was there with a towel for me. It was hot to the touch, and I realized he had thrown it in the dryer for me, because he knew how much I loved having a warm towel after a shower.

I smiled weakly at him in thanks, and he wrapped me up, then offered me another glass of wine. I shook my head, and he set it down and led me to the loveseat in our bedroom. He had me sit back and put my feet up on his lap. I complied, leaning my head back and closing my eyes as he rubbed my feet, giving them the deep massage he knew I enjoyed so much.

I thought about asking where Jenna was, then stopped. Rich had told me Dylan arrived in town earlier in the day and was meeting up with Jenna over at Mandy's house. Trevor was working a 5-day shift at the fire station, and Mandy had arranged to spend the night at a friend's house, to give Jenna and Dylan some time together.

I let my mind wander through that information again, feelings of dread mixing with thoughts of the pleasure those two must be experiencing right now. Or were they? What if Dylan wasn't interested in taboo sex with his sister? Bu who could resist sweet, beautiful, alluring Jenna?

I opened my eyes, looked at Rich, and said quietly, "Thank you. I appreciate what you're doing for me."

He smiled back, and said, "You're welcome. I honestly didn't think... I didn't realize it would impact you like this. I'm sorry. It's been a long time since you've been this... stressed. Makes me think of the first time you sold a house. You were beside yourself with worry and stress."

I closed my eyes again and nodded. "I remember that. Ugh. Not fun."

"And now look at you. How many houses have you sold? Close to 50? That's impressive."

"It's probably closer to 70... but selling houses isn't the same as... what our family is doing. What I'm about to do... with Dylan."

Rich didn't respond, his hands continuing to gently massage and rub my feet. We sat there in silence for a few minutes, and then I said, "What am I?"

Rich thought for a moment, then asked, "What do you mean?"

"I mean... after everything I've done, with others... to include what we've been doing lately... I guess I just... question all of it. My motivations, my intents, my decisions."

Rich was looking at me, intently, listening. I continued, "I made so many decisions thinking that it was ok... ok to get involved with someone, intimately... because I could make them happy... give them pleasure, give them something special. And I think I've been able to give that, to many people, over the years. And I wanted to.

"But... at what cost? Was it really for them? Or was it for me? Was it just me, doing what I wanted, no matter the costs? How many people have I hurt, have I damaged, over the years, in the name of sex... pleasure... intimacy... whatever you want to call it.

"I mean... I honestly feel like I've slept with half the state of California... or at least half the population of Palo Alto... it wasn't ever my goal to sleep around so much, go so far into my fantasies, but... at the same time... it was a lot of fun, living out those crazy fantasies, you know? And we made such good memories along the way. Troy and Susan. Other couples we met with."

Rich nodded, and said, "We've both had a lot of fun. And... forgive me for saying this, but... I'm not aware of anyone you hurt, Jackie. You've never forced yourself on anyone. Instead, you've always been very open and giving. Maybe too giving. But that's kind of who you are. You like to please people. And yes, before you interrupt me, you please people because that gives you satisfaction, not because it's what you want. You love giving others what they want. What they need. You have to know that."

We sat in silence for a few more moments, then I said, "I guess you're right. I didn't set out to be a suburban slut, but... that's exactly what I am."

"Hey. Be nice to yourself. You're not a slut."

I laughed loudly, and said, "How can you possibly say that? Of course I am a slut, Rich! A total, complete slut! Look at the things we've done, over the years. That's not normal, it's not what normal people do, Rich! Normal people... get married and don't ever... sleep with other people. They just don't. And then there's me, and... it's like... it's like I can't keep my legs shut. Like I have to be... pushing the boundaries. Doing something risky.

"Is my life so boring that I have to put myself into these kinds of situations? I'll admit, I do get something out of it. There's that part of me that loves the kinky adventures we've had. The crazy things we've done, that nobody knows about. On the outside, people see Jackie McMurray: successful wife, mother, and real estate agent, with a beautiful family and beautiful house. I try to fit in, be the typical suburban middle-aged woman, but..."

"I think I understand what you're saying. You've got an image, the Jackie McMurray you want people to see. And you're worried that image will be destroyed, because behind closed doors, we're definitely not normal, and somehow, some way you fear people will find out about your past, or what we've done lately, with our kids.

"But honestly, Jackie, I'm ok not being normal. Nobody is normal, when you get down to it. And so what if you've enjoyed more sex than other people. I love you, so much. And I'm totally ok with all that we've experienced. I don't regret a thing."

"Seriously? No regrets?"

"Well... there was that one woman in San Jose I slept with... she was nasty. I should have..."

"You know what I mean, Rich. You seriously don't have any regrets about... about... fucking your daughters?"

He sighed and thought for a few moments, then said, "I admit it's definitely out there. Not normal. And yes, if people found out, it would probably make us into social pariahs. But do I regret it? No. I don't. And neither do Mandy and Jenna, for your information.

"You said it yourself, how it has brought us together much closer than we ever could be. The sex is fun, but really... really it's about the shared intimacy. That's the bond we've formed. And I get it. It's not for everyone, and we certainly don't need to go around advertising what we've done. But it is what it is, and I accept that."

We sat in silence again, both of us thinking. I finally spoke up, "I guess... I just... I'm not sure what worries me more... Dylan rejecting us because of what we've done, or... Dylan rejecting me, because he already has Jenna and Mandy... the stress this is putting on Mandy and Trevor... the stress this is putting on me... yes, yes... it has been so much fun. And so erotic and kinky and pleasurable. And it has formed a deep bond between us. But..."

"But you worry where it will all end. What will happen when we're at Tahoe. What happens after that. How it might impact Mandy and Trevor. Jenna. Dylan. Us. I understand, Jackie. I really do. I wonder the same things."