I unzipped the tent and slipped out into the overcast morning. The sky above me was a solid gray and it felt like I could reach up and touch the bottoms of the clouds. The clearing we were in was glazed in a coating of freshly fallen snow and I was in heaven.
I crunched out into the snow and looked around me. The branches of the trees hung low under the weight of the snow on them. Everything was still and silent. This was what I needed.
I had spent the last three years of my life slaving away to get my Bachelor's Degree. I only had another year of college left when I realized I was now 21 and hadn't done anything for me in three long years.
I was in the middle of getting ready for the winter semester when I decided to drop out for a year and
live
.
I'd moved back home and explained my plans to my mom who had been completely against me dropping out. We'd had more than one screaming match over the subject. I knew how much she had sacrificed to make sure I would get a good education, but I had to do this. I needed to see the world for myself. I needed to know what my place in it was before I could settle down and head my life in the right direction.
"You are so much like your father sometimes it scares me," she had said.
My dad had been all about adventures. Taking off on the weekends, we would all go camping or somewhere new just to see what was there. When he died, Mom and I had stopped going on those adventures. It was like any reminder of him had to be cleansed from our lives or the pain would overwhelm us.
When she'd asked me what I wanted for Christmas I had blurted out, "We should go camping."
I don't know where it came from but it was out before I could stop it. I expected her to be upset but she'd actually smiled and said, "It's been such a long time since we've done that. We'll probably need some near gear."
We'd thrown ourselves into the camping trip and, just after the beginning of the year, we'd headed up to the mountains. We'd known snow was coming but it was the only week Mom could get off and we were prepared with the best low temperature gear we could spend too much on.
It had taken us three days to get to this clearing and we'd spent the entire day yesterday wandering around the area. It was so peaceful, no cell, no cars, no other people, just the two of us.
"Oh my God, Richie, it's beautiful."
I turned and saw my mom standing at the entrance to the tent. She was looking around the clearing exactly like I had and the wonder on her face lit up my world.
Mom hadn't been the same after Dad had died. He'd taken a piece of her with him when he died and I didn't think that piece would ever heal. She'd used to smile all the time, but now smiles were such a rarity, to see her joy at the world, I would have given anything to be able to stop time and live in this one, perfect moment.
She walked out to join me and wrapped her arms around me. At 5'9" the top her head came up to my chin. As I looked down at her I could see the more streaks of gray mixing in with her blonde hair. Those little streaks of gray bothered me deeply. It was another reminder that she was getting older. In less than two months she would be 45 years old.
I pulled her tight against me, trying to impart how much I truly loved her in one hug.
"Richie, I can't breathe," she laughed.
I released her from the hug but kept my arms around her. We stood there, enjoying the beauty around us for a while before she said, "We should probably pack up."
I agreed and we went to break down our camp. I noticed both of us dragging our feet. Several times we just stopped to like out at the snow glazed world around us.
After way too short a time we had everything packed and we were ready to head down the mountain. Most people think going up the mountain is the most dangerous part of the trip. I've always felt it was going down that was much more dangerous. Going down you have gravity helping you which, with seventy some odd pounds on your back, was not very helpful at all.
I had hoped to be on the move by now, but our lollygagging had slowed us more than I'd expected. We got to the fallen log just a little before sunset.
The fallen log is a very old tree that had been hit by lightning and fell across Mills Creek. The creek was pretty deep in several places, like here, but, this late in the season, it was almost frozen over.
Mom stood looking at the log, a frown deeply creasing her forehead. I knew she hated this part. She had ever since she'd almost fallen in, back when dad had brought us here for the first time. It didn't help that the wind had suddenly decided to pick up. Between the wind and the coating of ice on the log, this was not going to be an easy crossing.
I put my hand on her shoulder and said, "I'll go first and break some of the ice off. Then I'll come back and get your pack and you can follow me across."
"I can do it, honey," she said. "I'll be fine. You go and
please
be careful."
She gave me a little smile and I turned to make my way across. The whole log was slippery with snow and ice. I broke off as much as I could, making a decent trail for her to follow over the log.
When I got to the other side I was huffing and puffing from the effort of clearing the log and holding on under the increasing wind. I looked back across the creek and yelled, "I should come back and get your pack. It's really bad getting across."
"No, you stay there," she yelled back. "I'm coming over."
I watched, my heart hammering away, as she climbed onto the log. She crept across like I had, on all fours. She slipped once and I thought my heart was going to slam its way out of my chest but she managed to right herself and continue across.
She was just past the midway point when I saw her slip again. She grabbed at the log but her other hand slipped free and she slipped off of the log. I could only watch in horror as she fell the few feet to the frozen surface of the creek. She hit had and I heard her yelp, but the ice held.
I tore off my pack and yelled, "Stay there and don't move! I'll make my way out and pull you up."
I got onto the log and started to crawl towards her when I heard a sound like a gunshot. It was the ice cracking under my mother's weight. I had to hurry.
I got to where she had fallen when another loud crack came from the ice, eliciting a scream of terror from my mother. I hooked my legs around the log, grabbed a knot that had once been a fairly thick limb and extended my hand towards her.
She got to her knees and grabbed my hand. I was starting to pull when the ice gave way beneath her. She dropped down into the freezing water and almost pulled me with her. My arm burned and felt like it was going to tear right out of the socket. I looked down and saw my mother was submerged to her armpits in the hole in the ice.
I tried to pull her but, between her and her backpack, it was too much for me.
"Get you pack off," I said through clenched teeth.
She stared up at me, her eyes wide with terror but she didn't move.
"Get the goddamn pack off or we're going to die!" I screamed at her.
My scream broke her trance and she managed let go with one arm and undo the straps across the hips. She shrugged her shoulders and the shoulder straps slid free. The right shoulder strap grabbed at her arm, nearly pulling her out of my grip. She grabbed my arm tight with her left hand and let go with her right. The pack slid off and fell into the water next to her. I saw it slip under the ice and it was gone.
With the weight of her pack off of her, I was able to pull her out of the water and onto the log with me. We crawled off of the log and onto the shore and collapsed. My arms were on fire and I wasn't sure if I was going to be able to get my pack on.
"Richie, I'm so cold," my mother whispered next to me.