Buse's Diary

Thanks to Kenji Sato for the translation and editing.

Dear Diary,

Since I don't have a close friend with whom I can shamelessly talk about the events and feelings in my life, I relax by writing them down.

My name is Buse. I am a dark-skinned twenty-seven-year-old university graduate, who has been married for two years. As the first child of the family, I was brought up in a circle of love. I have to admit that I was a little spoiled.

My mother is fifty-four, my father is fifty-six years old. They are the most compatible couple you will ever see.They are two people who do everything together in life still madly in love with each other like the first day they met. I love them very much.

I have always envied their love. I always prayed for a good person to meet. Luckily, my husband Aykut is very interested in me he is very fond of me. He never interferes with my dressing style, my travels he trusts me very much, but he is very jealous of me. I make jokes to piss him off from time to time.

I grew up with my brother Okan, who is five years younger than me, in a small family of four people. Our house in the two-storey garden was inherited from my grandfather, and though old, holds very good memories for us. I was born and raised there. It was very difficult for me to leave that house. When I left the house for the last time as a bride I had to go to the hairdresser again because I was crying so much.

Even in my university years I couldn't bear to be separated from my family. Even though I studied in another city I immediately came back to my family when I had the opportunity. While my friends from school were wandering around with their boyfriends during their spare time I was focusing on my studies.

Even though the moans of my roommate who had sex with her boyfriend in the next room may have led me astray I didn't go beyond a few kisses and caresses with my boyfriend at that time. Because I was an attractive well-formed girl, there were many men around me who wanted me. I had a few boyfriends but none of them could go beyond small touches. I had given my maidenhood to the man whom I met in a friend circle and then fell in love with my husband.

After school, I started to work as an accountant in a car dealership thanks to a friend of my father. About a year later, I met my husband Aykut and got married. After my marriage I continued to work even though my husband did not want me to work much. Aykut works in an international company dealing with foreign capital. His salary and working conditions are good. The money I earn for this is left to us. We are saving to buy a house with a detached garden. To sum up I am satisfied and happy with the course of my life.

My little brother Okan is a kind, emotional and somewhat-shy young man. He has one or two friends even though he is a university student. He is quiet. My mother and father keep talking about the need for him to open up to the world more, that it would be good for him to socialize.

When I was single I tried to socialize with him by going to concerts, movies and the theater with him so that he could get over his shyness and be more active. Even though he was eager to spend the whole weekend in front of the computer in his room I managed to convince him by showing all my monkeyness. These efforts yielded results. Okan turned into a more social person.

Because of my grandmother my mother and father go to the village to visit her once or twice a month. No matter how much my father insists that she live with us or with my aunts the old goat always refuses. Maybe she doesn't want to leave her comfort and habits.

Aykut was going to Ankara for the weekend for a business meeting. On Friday, I stopped by my parents after work because our homes were close. My parents were getting ready to go to the village again. My mother wanted me to take care of my brother while they were away. When Aykut came in the evening we all had dinner together. He said that if Okan didn't have any plans that he should stay with me for the weekend so that both he and I wouldn't be alone. Okan didn't seem like a volunteer at first.

"Maybe you've found a girlfriend and you want to spend time with her?" I teased him.

Okan threw a pillow at my head and said, "May my sister stay with me"

I missed my old room, so I got approval from Aykut and said, "Okay, I'll stay here."

While my parents went on their way, Aykut returned to our house since his plane was early in the morning we had said goodbye there that night.

Okan and I went to our rooms and slept like in the old days. I did housework during the day. Thanks to Okan, I cleaned the house as he helped me a lot. In the afternoon while I was drinking my coffee at the kitchen table Okan came and massaged my shoulders. I felt like I was being held all over the massage was that good.

"Sister, if you are not very tired there is a place where we hang out with our friends in the evening Let's go there and have some fun and dance, the bill is on me," he said.

My husband Aykut did not like dancing he did not like discos or clubs. He always made excuses not to go to the hotel disco even on our honeymoon. This would be a welcomed change for me I had not danced in a long time. When I saw Okan's excitement I felt happy.

"I need to take a shower first. I'll let my husband know so he doesn't get cranky. I'll tell him we're going to the cafe so don't make me a liar" I said.

Okan insisted that I use the shower first. I was a little suspicious because it was an extreme insistence. He had had voyeurism since he was little.

I think it was five years ago, I caught him watching me through the keyhole while I was taking a bath. I kicked his ass. While I was taking off my clothes and waiting for the water to warm up, I lifted my breasts and shook them in front of the mirror. Aykut likes my breasts very much. While I was looking for hair on my legs the dark shadow under the door caught my attention.The bathroom door key was missing. I walked to the door naked as if I was going to open it. The silhouette at the bottom disappeared. Although he tried to be quiet I heard footsteps on the carpet. He was peeking at me. Would a person look at his own sister? He must have seen everything.

For some reason I didn't fall for it. I wouldn't be angry tonight. I would warn him in a suitable language tomorrow.

A hot bath felt good. I hugged my bathrobe and tied a towel in my hair. I went to my room and checked what I could wear tonight in my old closet. I had a few skirts, blouses and a black mini-dress with straps that I wore when I was a young girl. I wondered if the dress would fit me?

I took off my bathrobe and put on the dress. The waist fit perfectly, but the bodice was tight. I couldn't wear a bra. Was this dress that short? While I was thinking I did my makeup and hair thinking that it would be okay. I put my thin jacket on and I was ready.

Okan was also dressed in black. He whistled when he saw me. We took a taxi to the club. Sitting side by side on the back seat I noticed Okan looking at my legs but I ignored it. It wouldn't have touched the ground if you threw a needle at such places on Saturday. His friends had gone before us and sat at a table. They were two couples. He introduced me to his friends and their girlfriends respectively. Since Okan did not have a girlfriend my poor brother had brought me with him.

After two hours of dancing and singing songs we had drank four bottles of beer and a few had shot tequila. I had a high head. We were having fun accompanying the songs. When the slow music played the spouses all got up to dance.

As Okan brought me closer to him due to the crowd on the dance floor our bodies came very close, tightly together. I could feel his hardened penis. I felt a strange feeling he started to get hot. When the second slow song started his friend Utku wanted to change partners.

While he was taking me Okan continued to dance with Utku's girlfriend. When Utku's hand slowly descended to my hip I was startled at first but I did not react. When he was encouraged by this he began to caress. We were two couples dancing side by side. Okan's eyes were on his friend's hand on my hip.

So that there was no argument I took Okan back by wanting to change partners. It was obvious from his eyes that he was going to make a scene. I pulled him to me and glued my body onto his. I made him pay attention to me. His breathing had accelerated. I could feel the throbbing in his penis. I stumbled as I felt slightly dizzy. Okan grabbed me by the waist. Now he was pressing his penis on my hip.

"Let's go home or I'll be a murderer."

After saying goodbye to his friends he gave Utku a stern look. He put his arm around my shoulder and we went out together. He was very angry. I had never seen him like that before. He was shaking with anger. He was trying to send me home by taking a taxi. I grabbed his hand and made him get into the taxi with me. I turned myself towards him and hugged. He slipped his hand through my slitted dress and placed it on my leg. There were mere inches between his fingers and my vagina. He was stroking my groin as I calmed him down by resting his head on my shoulder.

When we got home, he started getting angry with me this time. He said things like why I was letting the guy pat my butt. I was saying that I had intentionally done nothing but nothing too exaggerated. I was still dizzy.

"Of course I exaggerate I've been in love with you since I was fifteen. I've been collecting your pictures. Every moment I'm with you is very precious to me. Yes, it's not normal for me to feel such things towards my own sister but you are there even in my dreams. He caresses the butt of my dishonest sister, who will be my friend."

I was stunned by what he said. I did not expect it at all. Tears were coming from Okan's eyes. I was able to say, "Are you in love with me? What pictures?"

We walked to his room with a sudden movement. He took his laptop from the coffee table. I was sitting on the bed. He turned the laptop over and gave it to me. He had kept my graduation pictures, of family trips, all pictures we had taken together on his computer without deleting any of them. I was touched for a moment.

I patted his back and said, "Oh dear." I hugged and kissed his neck. My anger was completely gone. There was another file in the folder where he kept the pictures.

When I asked what it was he dismissed it by saying "It doesn't matter."

I stubbornly said I'll see what's in that file and pulled the computer into my lap.

When I opened the file I had tears in my eyes when I saw that he had pasted pictures of himself as the groom next to me in a wedding dress in wedding photos. He was really in love with me. I couldn't control my emotions. The alcohol started to show its effect too. I hugged him and started kissing his cheeks.

"My lovely brother, his sister's love"

He hugged me tighter and pressed against my lips. For the first few seconds I resisted but I opened my mouth and took his tongue in. I was kissing my younger brother. While Okan was sitting on the bed, he lifted me from under my knees and sat me on his lap. We continued to kiss.

With his left hand on my waist he was caressing my legs with his right hand. His left hand came up from my navel. He started stroking my left breast with the palm of his hand over my dress. I was feeling nice. After stroking both of my breasts my nipples were erect. I could feel his penis touching my hips. A little more, I said to myself. At that time, he slowly laid me on the bed.

I had a fever when his hand slipped down into my panties but I let him peel off my underwear. My younger brother stroked my legs and his fingers entered my vagina.My inner heat rose up. I had to put an end to this. We had gone too far. We had to stop. We should have stopped.

He kept kissing me holding my neck with his hand. The weird part was that I kept going despite the warnings to stop. When I felt his hardened penis on the lips of my vagina I stopped kissing and looked into his eyes. Okan also looked at me and went inside. My little brother was banging me in and out of me with rhythmic movements. I was enjoying it so much that I was pressing him against me and I wanted him to come inside me more. A few minutes later I climaxed screaming. It was the first time I had ever squirted I had never had such a violent orgasm while making love with my husband.I understood that Okan would also ejaculate from the acceleration of his thrusting inside me. "Get out, get out" I said.

He groaned as if years of longing poured into me. He buried his head into my shoulder. We both fell asleep while I stroked his hair and stared at the ceiling.

When I opened my eyes in the morning the semen had flowed from my vagina and was smeared on the sheets it was messy. While Okan was lying naked next to me I grabbed my phone and ran to the bathroom. Aykut had called several times last night. When he lost hope to hear my voice he texted me saying I love you.

God, what have I done?