Buse's Diary

Thanks to Kenji Sato for the editing and grammar.

Buse's Diary 02

On the morning of the night we spent with my younger brother I was looking at the naked woman reflected in the bathroom mirror. I had cheated on my husband whom I loved very much with my own brother. I had lost myself because of my excessive drinking otherwise, I was not such a weak person neither emotionally nor sexually. I should have called my husband who could not reach me at night. He must have been very curious about me. Hearing his voice on the phone I felt a pain in my heart. I could hardly keep myself from crying.

I told him that my phone's battery was low and I left it to charge at home because Okan's phone was with us. He believed me because I had never lied to him until today. I was also angry that.

"If you couldn't reach me why didn't you call Okan," ı said.

He was already starting to lighten up on me. I guess that's what it means to be both guilty and strong. He was comfortable because he said "If anything would happen to you, you're with your brother." I thought to myself if he only knew that my brother was very comfortable in my pussy last night. He hung up saying that he would be back in the evening and that he missed me so much.

After I hung up the phone I checked my body to see if there was any redness or bruising left from our lovemaking. My vagina circumference and breasts were normal. There was no trace of what had happened. I wanted to take a shower and clean up. The idiot had emptied his balls into me. I had no idea how to act or what to say to Okan but I should not forget to take the morning-after pill from my bag after washing. Hot water felt good the water running down my face in the shower was taking away all my sins. The bathroom door opened. Okan came in. I immediately covered my vagina and breasts in a panic.

"What are you doing you idiot. I'm in the shower can't you see." I shouted.

"Do I need to knock on the door after last night? " he said grinning.

He took off his boxers and opened the shower door with his erect penis leading the way. I couldn't believe what had happened. I stepped back a little and tried to get out of his way. I was still covering my breasts with my right arm. He grabbed me by my waist and pulled me towards him. He wrapped me in his arms. I tried to get away but it was futile.

"What are you doing Let me go." I said. I gave him an angry look. He tried to kiss me taking the chance when my face was turned towards him. I pushed him away.

"What happened last night was so wrong. I'm so ashamed it's all my fault. We were drunk. Sisters and brothers don't do things like that. Let's just forget what happened." I said tears welling in my eyes.

"The best night of my life wasn't a mistake last time I remember you were screaming with delight." There was a wild lust in his eyes.

While I was trying to escape again my foot slipped and I felt a pain. My ankle hurt a lot. It must have been sprained. The pain in my voice must have affected him. He left me. I sat on the floor in the shower and started to sigh. Immediately, Okan pulled my hand from my wrist and started massaging. I was hitting his head while he was massaging me. He was trying to get rid of my blows by tilting his head. This put us in a worse situation because the distance between my bare vagina and my brother's head was twenty centimeters. I had never experienced anything so embarrassing before. I stood up with support from his shoulders. I took the towel and covered my body and staggered out of the bathroom. After I got dressed I waited for Okan to come out of the bathroom.

"We'll forget what we've been through. We'll never talk of it again It'll be a secret between the two of us." I left the house without giving him a chance to speak.

The sun was shining but there were dark clouds inside me. As I was walking towards my house I could read the thoughts of people on the opposite side as they looked at me. It was as if they were calling me a whore. As soon as I got home I went to my bed and burst into sobs.

When I woke up I decided to correct what I was missing and had done wrong. I cooked my husband's favorite meal. All my preparations were finished just before he came home. I greeted him at the door with a hug. He brought me colorful flowers. He showered me with kisses. We both had missed each other so much.

After the meal we immediately ran to bed to relieve our longing. Finally, I was in my husband's bosom where I was supposed to be. I couldn't concentrate because of the regret I was experiencing. As soon as I closed my eyes my brother's face appeared in front of me as if I was making love to him again. The worst part was that the pleasure I was getting was increasing. That's why I never closed my eyes until we were done making love. I hoped that it would pass with time.

A week passed. I continued my normal life as if nothing had happened. We were on good terms with my husband but I was still restless while making love. When I talked to my mother on the phone I didn't go to them by making excuses. I was asking how Okan was and what he was doing so that she wouldn't wonder if something was wrong. If my mom found out it would break her heart. I couldn't run away forever. I wanted to somehow solve this problem and go back to the old days.

I took the first step and sent a message to Okan asking how he was doing and stating that I was ready if he wanted to talk. He didn't reply to me all day. When my husband asked me why I was sluggish at dinner I glossed over it saying I was a little tired at work. Okan was on my mind. The next day while I was working at the office Hakan called and informed me that he would be leaving work late. I said I would go to my mother's and and asked that he pick me up after work in the evening.

Everything seemed normal at home. I hadn't seen my family for a week but it seemed like longer to me. I hugged my parents how I missed them. Okan greeted me from afar and retired to his room. He didn't join us at dinner. My mother said that he was locked in his room again. After dinner my mother and father were watching their favorite TV show in the living room. I was not comfortable.

I said to my mother "Let me talk to Okan for a while."

My father said "Go talk and find out what problem the idiot has."

I said to my mother "I will smoke on the balcony. Please don't send father to Okan's room."

As I was walking down the corridor to go to Okan's room I had a strange feeling. What had happened in the room was coming to my mind and my mind was betraying me. My hands were sweaty. I knocked on his door and asked permission to enter. It took a few seconds but he came and opened the door. His face was sullen. He locked the door again when I entered. He sat down at his desk and turned the music down a bit.

"How are you my honey? Why don't you come to the living room with us? Did something happen? Mother gets upset when you act like this." I said.

I tried to get close to him and stroke his hair but he pulled back his head. He was interested in his computer not looking at me. I took out my secret weapon from the pocket of my dress. He had had a weakness for chocolate since he was a child. That's it. He had a smile on his face. While Okan was eating his chocolate I sat on the bed because there was no other chair. I felt weird. The fact that my brother fucked me in this bed a week ago made my inner heat rise. I had to stay calm. What was happening to me again.

"Are we offended?" I asked. He didn't give me an answer.

"Listen to me my dear. I understand your feelings towards me but what we did was wrong. First of all we are sister and brother and I am a married woman. Since then I can hardly look at my husband's face. Okay I liked it, too. I don't deny it. Let's keep what we went through as a sweet memory. Can't we get back to our lives." I said.

Okan kept turning his pen in his hand.I'm trying in vain I thought. I'd leave it to time. I got up from the bed which sitting on bothered me a lot. Why did I have these feelings again. Because my cigarettes were in my purse I reached out and took a cigarette from Okan's cigarette pack from the table. He did nothing but turned his head and looked.

"Stupid goat." I said.

At the time I was very angry with my father for having the balcony made with glass windows. The balcony had lost its beauty in a sense. The black windows did not show inside but you could not see the outside properly. My mother had somehow arranged all the quilts and blankets on the old dowry chest because it was not visible from the outside. It was as if there was no empty space in the house.

I opened one of the folding windows and lit my cigarette. I didn't turn on the balcony lights. The light filtering through the window was enough. The house of our neighbor Aydin's uncle was dark. That cheerful house where we went to collect candy during the holidays was filled with sadness because of a traffic accident.

While I was thinking about these things Okan came to the balcony. He took the cigarette from my hand and gave it back to me after taking a breath. He kissed me on the cheek while I was standing with my right shoulder leaning against the duvet. A wave of hope came over me as he was softening.

As I put out my cigarette and turned around he grabbed my waist and pulled me towards him. I could feel his penis resting on my butt through my white button-down dress. He had his hands clasped on my belly kissing and smelling my hair.

"Okan what did we just talk about?" I said. I was starting to get angry. As if I'd ignited him even more he slid his hand through the buttons and touched my bare skin.

"Don't do it." I was able to smile. What was so funny why was I laughing Is it because I was tickled or because I enjoyed having him touch me. I was starting to feel pleasant. I was losing control. While he kissed my neck his hand went down into my panties and my vagina. I screamed involuntarily when his finger went inside me. I stopped for a few seconds to see if our mom or dad had heard.

Okan had no intention of stopping. He was kissing my neck by gently leaning me against the duvet. I didn't stop him while he unbuttoned my dress with his fingers. Who am I kidding I had never wanted him to stop anyway. The arrow had been shot out of the bow. I was left with my bra with the front of my dress fully opened. Okan was looking at my body with admiration. He realized that I wasn't resisting as he pressed against my lips. I returned his kisses. I felt my panties fall to my ankles. I wrapped one leg around his waist as he grabbed my hips with his hands. I had run out of patience. Now I was pulling down his shorts which were the only obstacle between us. He was rubbing his penis into my vagina but by not putting it inside it was driving me even more crazy. Just as his head was going to enter me between the lips of my vagina there was a knock on the bedroom door. I experienced something between fear and disappointment. I immediately buttoned up my front.

Our mother said from outside the door "Buse is everything all right? It sounded like I heard a scream."

Controlling my breathing "We're talking mom. Okan told me something funny and I laughed at him. We'll come to the living room in a moment." I said. I was standing on the threshold of the balcony door. Okan was behind me.

"Okay my daughter. I'm brewing tea we'll drink it together." she said in a cheerful tone.

When our mother moved away I entered the room and turned up the volume of the music. Okan was still standing on the threshold. "Oh, that was very close. We got away cheaply." he said. I pushed him on his chest to the balcony with my hand. "What are you doing?" he asked.

"Finish what you started." I said in a confident tone.

Amid my younger brother's bewildered gaze I pressed his shoulders and let him sink onto the balcony floor. I unbuttoned one or two buttons from the bottom of my dress and sat on his lap. I lifted my hips slightly and placed my vagina on his penis. He slowly penetrated my wet vagina. This time I was in control. Our lips joined. I was scorching with pleasure biting my finger so that my moans could not be heard. I threw my head back and opened my dress completely. I exposed my boobs. I was offering them for my younger brother to suck on my erect nipples.

When I felt that he was tired I started jumping my hands on his chest. He was holding my breasts from my dress that was open wide. He was holding my breasts while he was fucking me. With the fuck sounds high I was off in my own little world. I covered my mouth with my hand and orgasmed. Okan also ejaculated after holding my hips for a couple of up-and-downs. My legs were trembling. We were out of breath. He was emptying inside of me again. He wouldn't let me go.

"We don't have time to play. Let's go inside before mother gets worried. First I'll go to the bathroom and clean myself. Aykut will come soon." I said. My husband had just come to my mind.

It took me a few seconds to pass from the room to the bathroom. Again I had given in to lust. I didn't have time to think about it. There was nothing to think about. I was cleaned right away and went into the kitchen first. I poured the brewed tea into glasses and went to our mother's side. Okan was talking to our father in the living room. They were having a good time. Half an hour later Aykut came in. We couldn't sit down because he was tired and we went home. Aykut went straight to bed and I took a shower.

This time there was no sense of remorse. I did everything intentionally. I looked at myself with admiration in the mirror. The sexual attraction between me and Okan revealed pleasures and desires that I could not confess to myself. I found real satisfaction in terms of sex thanks to my brother. I fell asleep in my bed with these thoughts while my husband was sleeping next to me.

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