Her lips were so close to my ear I could feel them move as she breathed into my ear, so softly nobody else could hear, "So, brother dear, have you ever fucked a virgin?"
I heard her giggle very softly and then the pressure on my neck, where she held me to her, was suddenly gone.
I pulled back enough to look at her and saw that she was sleeping.
I looked at Dr. Ben. I suppose the concern was showing on my face.
"That's what narcolepsy looks like," he said, smiling as he watched me cover my sister, giving her some modicum of modesty. "She's okay, just sleeping, But when she wakes up she won't remember this so don't be surprised when you need to introduce yourselves again."
"Wow," I said, looking at Lindsey and then back to the doctor.
"Is there anything we can do here?" Rita asked him.
"Not really. Like I said, we'd like to keep her for a few days and you can make arrangements but she can go home any time," he said.
"Okay," she said, clearly in control now, "And she won't remember any of this today, right?"
"Nope," he said.
"Okay, thanks doctor, we'll be in touch," she said, "come on, Honey." She took my hand and we started back through the maze, seeking a piece of cheese, an exit, and the car.
"Okay, She Who Must Be Obeyed," I said once we were in the car, "now what."
"City Hall first," she said.
"What's there?" I asked.
"Betrothed," she said, "I'm going to lock you down. We're getting married and then we're going furniture shopping."
"Married?" I asked.
"Are you getting cold feet?" she asked.
I thought about it.
"No," I said.
"Then what's the problem?" she asked.
"I just always associated weddings with, you know, planning and big deals and stuff," I said.
"Honey," she said, "I did that once. It wasn't as much fun as I thought it would be. But I do want the paper."
I patted her on the knee.
And then I started singing - - I'm gettin' married in the morning. Ding dong the bells are gonna ring.
She laughed.
"Well, in the afternoon anyway," she said.
Getting married in Colorado is amazingly simple. We found the county recorder's office and presented our driver's licenses to confirm our identities. Then, right there, leaning over awkwardly at the counter, we completed the forms signed them, and Rita wrote a check for thirty dollars. The clerk recorded them and there it was, we were husband and wife. Hell, I didn't even kiss the bride.
"Furniture shopping?" I asked.
"Honey, we're going to have you, me, and 300 pounds of nymphomaniac in the bed, we'll need a BIG bed," she said.
That stopped me.
I guess something in my body language let her know I was surprised.
"Oh, come ON," she said, "you're not really thinking about NOT bringing her home, are you?"
I said nothing for a few seconds.
"Well fuck, Husband-o-mine, I don't know about you but I'm gettin' me some of that," she said.
I finally managed to catch up with the conversation.
"She asked me if I'd ever fucked a virgin," I said.
"And?" she asked.
"I haven't," I said and there was not one thing I could do to stop the grin that spread across my face, "but I intend to."
She damn near wrecked us when she popped her seat belt loose and crawled across the seats to kiss me.
"Oh," she breathed into my ear, "I can't wait for our three-way honeymoon."
We stopped at a furniture store she knew,
Howard Lorton
if it matters. It turned out, the biggest "stock" bed was something called a California King. We tried it out but, as big as it looked, when we laid on it together it was clear it would be pretty crowded with Lindsey in it too.
This time I was the one who came up with a solution.
We drove over to a place in Aurora where I worked the summer of my Senior year. My shop teacher thought I was a bright guy and got me the job. Bob Grindle, the shop owner, was a big bear of a man who greeted me with a bear hug.
"And who is this?" he asked, looking at Rita.
"Bob," I said doing introductions as Mom had taught me, "this is Rita Rogers," and I corrected myself, "Rita Morgan, my wife of," I glanced at my watch, "two hours and eighteen minutes."
He grabbed her in a bear hug.
"Welcome to the family," he said, and she giggled.
I told him what I had in mind.
"Not a big problem," he said.
"But can I have it by Friday?" I asked.
He gave me that look I recognized from when I had worked for him.
"Will you be helping?" he asked.
