"What did the doctor say?"
Brandon sat on the floor in the living room, his legs spread in a vee, his back to the couch. Between his knees was a plastic barrel full of pub mix, his favorite snack in the world. He grinned up at me, his smile the same despite the red in his eyes from crying.
I knew. I didn't want to consciously acknowledge it, but I saw those eyes and I was already shutting everything down.
"Dude, we got snack cakes, we got chips, we got everything."
I kicked his thigh. Not hard, just more or less nudging him "Shut up and tell me what the doctor said."
"And Mom bought us egg rolls and yakisoba noodles from Costco. It's gonna be sweet."
"Brandon..."
"I was thinking we watch all the Death Race movies on my tablet and we play Forza-"
"Stop!" I shouted. There was no joy to my voice. It was as close to angry as I'd come with him since we were thirteen and he got on my Bottlegenie social media page and told all the girls in my class I loved them. You couldn't get mad at Brandon. Well... Hannah could, but Hannah would get mad at an apple for not being an orange, so she didn't count.
He sighed with all the drama and theatricality he could muster, which was a lot. "All right, fine. They say I have a second butthole in my brain."
I couldn't do it. Because I could see the Brandon no one else could, not even his mom or his sister. I could see how terrified he was. It was in the way his hand twitched. The way his eyes wouldn't quite meet mine.
I walked out of his house. Less than a minute later, he called me, knowing I would answer because it was him, and I always would, no matter what.
"Get back here," he said, and now his voice was hoarse.
"Fuck you," I said morosely. "Tell me what's going on."
He sniffed and was quiet for a moment. Then, finally, "It's a lot easier to do this when you're not here but I don't want to tell you over the phone."
I was only as far as the driver's side of my car. "No more bullshit for a little while."
"Okay." The fact he didn't argue or crack another joke blasted the last of my defenses and I was crying before I walked in the Labine house again.
Then again, so was he.
He looked up at me. I held out a hand and he grabbed it, pulling himself upright so I could give him a monster hug. We didn't talk for a long, long time, and then I tried to give him all the old platitudes, that medical science was doing amazing things, that there were pills and surgeries and I'd been looking a lot of this shit up and it was going to be okay.
Like we were reading the script backwards, he told me quietly, "It's cancer."
"So it's not a second asshole in your brain?"
Startled, Brandon took a step back. And like that, eh grinned, and it was the old Brandon grin, big and toothy and still a little bit innocent, even if the guy had more girlfriends than even I did by that point.
Wisely, slowly, as to emphasize the importance of his words, "You gotta see the snacks. It's going to be the best weekend ever."
* * *
Now.
I woke in Hannah's bed, though she wasn't in it. She left the night before, fleeing back to the house she still shared with her roommates. I couldn't blame her, not after the revelations of the insane previous night. Not only had she and Deana come out as bi together to each other, but the four of us, including Rachel, our newest lover, had performed some pretty wicked shit in front of each other. Even that was nothing compared to what came after, when Hannah confessed to her mother that she was in love with her.
I was the first awake. After the marathon fuck session the night before, Deana and Rachel were both out for a while. I showered downstairs so as to not wake them up, changed, and thought about Deana's words.
"Let her have her space."
No. Fuck that. I wanted to see my Hannah.
I left a note for Deana and explained where I was going and that I needed to borrow her car. I stopped first at a bakery and bought a half-dozen donuts for her roommates as well as a much-needed coffee for myself.
Then it was on to Hannah's. Her roommates weren't up and moving but she had given me a key a couple weeks ago and I let myself in. A sleepy-eyed Lizzie poked her head out of one bedroom and I whispered, "Sorry, just sneaking in to see Hannah. Donut?"
Her sleepy irritation bloomed into a smile at that, and soon she was sitting at the kitchen table, poring over the selection while I rid myself of my coat and shoes and headed into Hannah's room.
She was still asleep, curled up on her side and facing me. Beautiful as ever, her honey blonde hair spilling across her pillow in tangled waves, her lips parted. I undressed down to my boxers and eased into bed behind her, knee-walking across the mattress.
She shifted and turned. "Nick..."
"We don't have to say anything. I just want to hold you for a while. But if you tell me to go, I will."
Instead, she pulled down the covers and I tucked in behind her. She twisted back into her original position, jutting her butt against me as I spooned her. I pulled the covers back up around us, marveling at how warm she was, how soft.
"Do you want to get married someday?" she asked me in the quiet morning.
I kissed her shoulder. "Sure."
* * *
My phone went off about two hours later. Hannah muttered at me but to get to it I was gong to have to do the same ninja crawl out of bed, so she fumbled out instead since she was closer and grabbed it out of my jeans. By then it had gone to voicemail.
"It's my mom," she said. "I guess I have to talk to her sometime, don't I?"
"Sometime," I agreed, "but probably not right now if you don't want to."
"No. I should." She looked at her door. "I'm going to get showered. Tell her... tell her we'll come by soon."
"Okay."
She looked at me again. "I meant it. Earlier. I want all four of us to be together, but you and me..."
"Yeah," I said, my throat working. "I'd like that too."
"Good. Propose to me someday. Not right now. But someday."
I laughed helplessly. "Okay. When?"
"Someday, Nick," she said, exasperated. The moment deflated, and she sagged. I went to her, phone still in hand, and hugged her tight. "How bad did I fuck up las night? Be honest."
I thought about that. Deana hadn't wanted to talk about her daughter's confession but she hadn't seemed mad about it either. And there was another thing, something I thought about a lot the night before. "Your mom was the first one to masturbate last night. Remember that?"
"Yeah, but..."
"I'm not saying it means what you hope. I don't know how she feels about that. But there were a lot of looks between you two, a lot of words that... yeah. I think she'll be all right with it. If not today, then eventually."
She squeezed me tighter. "Thanks. Love your butt."
"And I love yours. So, so much."
Hannah snickered as I squeezed the part in question and spun away. I watched her go, then sat on her bed and called Deana back.
Immediately when she answered, she asked, "Is she okay?"
"She's scared you're upset with her."
"No. I'm not upset. I don't know what I am. Lost, maybe."
"I hear you. We'll come by. She knows she needs to talk to you."
"Okay. But if she's more comfortable staying away for a while, you two be together."
You have to look after them, Brandon whispered in a memory. They're going to need you.
This definitely wasn't how he imagined it. I was sure about that.
"She wants me to propose someday."